Retro Ronnie

Despite a tough upbringing - "my father was a coalminer, he was picking at seams long before Inzamam-ul-Haq" was an opening gambit in his speech to the Cricket Writers Club on Friday - Ronnie Irani has always been a colourful fun-loving character. To mark his retirement from county cricket this season, Line & Length has been given a unique insight into what makes a Ronnie, thanks to Essex County Cricket Club and boredfingers.com, his sponsor. There will be more memories next week.

In his first season with Essex in 1994, Irani made his first championship century as Essex chased 405 for victory against Worcestershire, winning off the final ball. Irani recalls going out to bat third wicket down with Graham Gooch, who got a double hundred, and that there was plenty of needle: "An attempted sweep top-edged into my chin and Steve Rhodes [the Worcs keeper] said something like 'I hope that hurt'. Goochie overheard it and as a fatherly figure said to Rhodes 'what did you say?'. Rhodes soon shut up."

A month later, Irani twice dismissed Brian Lara for Warwickshire. "This match was a massive highlight for me," Irani said. "because it was Brian Lara's summer of runs. It seemed like he scored a million runs that year coming to Warwickshire after scoring his then-record Test score of 375. I got him out first innings caught by Nick Knight at slip trying to hit me out of Birmingham and I was delighted because it was a real scalp. Then I got him out second innings too – lbw – in the evening and as I was walking back to the boundary edge one of the home supporters in the stand shouted out 'Irani, you ****er, I've finished work early to see Brian Lara bat and you've got him out!'."

A few weeks later, Essex played Middlesex and Irani managed to get into a dressing-room brawl: "Me and Michael Kasprowicz [then an Essex fast bowler] went out for some nets after a day's play. When we got back into the dressing-room there was a rugby player in there who had been drinking all day – absolutely trolleyed – and had somehow managed to get in. He started to abuse me and Kasper and I said to him 'look mate, we don't want any trouble'.

"I thought that might calm the situation down and then he'd go but to those words he landed a massive great haymaker straight on my left eye and it swelled up immediately. I've worn contact lenses all my career and as he hit me it actually popped out but I managed to catch it in my left hand. So I'm bundling with this bloke, holding on to my lens – because they weren't disposable in those days so cost about £200 – and skating around on my spikes like on ice; Kasper grabbed hold of him as well and he's on spikes too so we are all over the place. There were glasses in the corner for after-match drinks and I'm thinking this is going to be carnage but we managed to get him out of the dressing room, I kept hold of my contact lens and gave him a bit of a send-off in polite terms!

"Once everything had calmed down I'm left thinking 'I've got to bat tomorrow'. By the next day I couldn't see out of my eye, even though I'd iced it all night, but I managed to just squeeze my contact lens in – I don't know why because I could hardly see out of it. When I went out to bat Phil Tufnell proceeded to bowl left-arm over the wicket, purposely throwing the ball up into the sun. So there I was baking in the sun with one closed eye and Tuffers giving it extra air but I was fortunate enough to score 102 not out."

In 1995, Irani made his first one-day century for Essex, off just 47 balls (two more than the record at the time), against Gloucestershire. "Essex had a fantastic week that year at Cheltenham," Irani said. "We had a few drinks in Montpellier Wine Bar at a time when I was full of life and full of energy. Now it's two beers or two glasses of wine and I'm tucked up in bed by half nine like a boring old git. We'd just finished a four-day game and had worked our socks off at Cheltenham without getting any reward out of it (Gloucestershire won by three wickets) so were a bit down. It was a Saturday so we decided to make a night of it – I can remember it as if it was yesterday. The following day I came into bat still steaming of Shiraz and I hit 100 off 47 balls. I remember middling every delivery. I don't remember them coming out of the bowler's hand but I remember them going into the stands."

Comments

[Annie]

Patrick! It's your aussie mate from Melb here! Long time no hear....
Was thinking it's been a while. Couldn't remember your email and wasn't sure if you were still working on Bricks and Mortar. Write back and we can catch up- as not sure if the address is right.
Cheers, A