Nel the destroyer

John McNamara emailed me yesterday to ask why I have not mentioned South Africa's last-ball ODI win on Sunday against New Zealand, particularly as Andre Nel, a frequent commenter on this blog, was the hero, scoring ten runs off five balls.

Well, John, I just didn't want to encourage him, but if Andre has something to say about it, here is his chance. Although why don't we hear from him about something else, such as the Springboks' chances against the Barbarians this weekend or his historical view, as a recent visitor to Zimbabwe, of the late Ian Smith?

John also asks whether Kyle Mills's return of five wickets for 25 runs was one of the best by a bowler on a losing side in an ODI. To which the answer is: it's the tenth-best analysis by a losing bowler. Imran Khan heads the list with six for 14 against India in 1985. Shame that Pakistan were skitted for 87.

Our friend Andre makes the list with a return of five for 45 that was not good enough to help South Africa to beat Bangladesh in the World Cup this year. Now that really was embarrassing.

Comments

[Mr A Nel]

Kidd,

By the way, what the hell has my visit to Zimbabwe got to do with Ian bloody Smith?

He may be a Kiwi, a plodder of a 'keeper and a tedious commentator, but he has always been punctual, to my knowledge.

Butt out of my private life, and do a bit of basic research before posting your drivel.

[Mr A Nel]

Right.

I was wondering how long you'd bloody well take, Kidd. I'd call you one eyed, but since you can't see properly from either eye, I shall just have to call you a tosser.

Thanks to John, who is obviously one of the few truly enlightened cricket followers to contribute to this jaundiced blog.

I did no more or less than to show young Steyny how to bowl with a bit of pace for once in his life. Hopefully he'll get the picture.

Yes. I was utterly on fire. Even for me. But I was simply doing what I do every game, week in, week out. At last I had a bit of bloody luck.

No Kidd, not the kind that makes batsmen play uppish drives to cover off my 80mph thunderbolts. I'm talking about the kind of luck that I bloody deserve after all these years of far outplaying Shoaib, Lee, McGrath, Bond, Flintoff, Vaas, Warne, Kumble, Vettori, Murali etc. I could go on, but I don't want to cause the above blokes any further embarrassment. They're my mates. I'm quite popular you know.

Anyhow, at last I can be assured of topping the next ICC ratings list. What a relief. I was becoming quite angry there for a while. People actually thought I was had some kind of 'condition'!! Imagine that? Idiots.

You blokes seem to be having a go at my batting. Coming from you Kidd, that is a compliment. History speaks for itself.

I am now one of only two players on record who have single-handedly won critically important matches, against elite opposition, from impossible positions, thanks to incomparable brilliance with both bat and ball.

I'm expecting a gift basket from Beefy at any moment.

Sod you.

[Johnmc]

Looking at that list I was wondering whether he was the bowler most let down by his team-mates with such good figures in a fairly high-scoring match (just shy of 500 runs were scored). Even then Agarker (558runs in the match) and Pollock (541) shade him. I particularly like the Pollock match in which only two West Indians got into double figures - Chanderpaul 150 and Hooper 108. Get the feeling the pressure dropped between Pollock spells. Also I believe Nel likes to be know as Andre the all-rounder now