Vote for cricket's Pillock of the Month!

By popular demand (well, one person asked me and the online editor thought it was a good idea), I announce the inaugural Line and Length Pillock of the Month competition. On the last day of each month, I will list the pillocks, twits and fools who have grabbed the attention and encourage readers to vote for the biggest prat. They could be intemperate players, blinkered officials or idiotic administrators. At the end of the year, in a packed gala ceremony, the 12 monthly pillocks will compete for the coveted Pillock of the Year award (putatively held for the past six years by Andre Nel).

The following list of nominees is in alphabetical order, vote for who you fancy and let me know through the comments who has been left out - or should be considered in February's poll. For those who think we are just being cynical, tomorrow is the start of my Hero of the Month competition.

The petty BCCI official (a rarity admittedly) who banned Nathan Astle, Daryl Tuffey and Craig McMillan from appearing in the Bollywood film Victory, being shot at the moment, because they had competed in the rebel Indian Cricket League. I missed this story a few weeks ago, but it sums up bureaucrats everywhere. Although who on earth thought Tuffey would be a big draw?

Paul Blanchard, sales and marketing director at the Brit Oval: for saying, even if it was true, that he had received phone calls from people complaining that tickets for internationals were too low and that there was nothing wrong with charging £100 for an ODI ticket.

Kevin Peake, head of marketing at npower: for forgetting that the last time England played Australia in the Ashes we lost 5-0, as he launched a triumphalist "we gave you a hell of a beating" campaign for 2009.

Mike Procter: for yet again being the match referee when a row flared up and failing to come up with a diplomatic solution that soothed both sides.

Harbhajan Singh: whatever he did or did not say in Sydney, he is a pillock for patting Brett Lee on the rump and thinking it was OK. That flag-waving after India won a Test in which he played no part was also a bit silly.

Andrew Symonds: whatever Harbhajan did or did not say in Sydney, there was no excuse for Symonds wading into the whole posterior-patting scene and swearing at Harbhajan. If Brett Lee was OK with his rear being fondled, then Symonds should have, er, butted out.

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Comments

[spiritofcric]

Harbhajan (the goose) Singh wins hands down - not just for his arrogant carry on in Australia or even for punching his best friend in the face after an IPL match - but for years of pillocky behaviour all over the world. Roy had good reason to have a go at the little twerp and it wasnt just about him hitting Lee on the bottom. I say more power to Roy for refusing to take Barji's nonsense.

[Andrew]

As a NZer the BCCI are the piiocks of my year. Our players have never seen real money and shouldnt be denied to play for our country in order to do so. Incidentally did you forget that Daryl's already an established film star?-http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2005/03/09/1110316096387.html
Michael Clarke with Andrew Symonds second-Pontings Poodles- it became easy to dislike both of them during the India tour.

[John Jorrocks]

Do tell us what a "coconut" is. Is Kidd a tropical fruit? This barrage of antipodean and Indian English is extraordinarily difficult for those of us who are, alas, used only to the various dialects of this blighted island.

[Andy]

You forgot another Pillock (whatever that means). And that is you. For your comments which clearly show the coconut in you.

You get my vote!!

[Wally from Wollongong]

Roy Symonds is the hero of the month. He saw Singh was being a pillock & stood up for a mate. Singh should never be allowed to play cricket again.

[Peter McGuinness]

You can be both a eunuch and a pillock so I'm told John, old mate.

A eunuch below the navel, and a pillock above the neck.

Apparently, the hypothesis can be proven.

[John Jorrocks]

Incidentally, if in the future, someone were to call either H Singh or A Symonds "a chicken teri maki", would that be considered "racial villification" (that bible-thumper Hayden's contribution to cricketing lore), "sledging", a "shit word" (see previous parenthetical remark)?

[John Jorrocks]

Is Gavaskar a racist? There is evidence in his autobiography to suggest that he entertains certain racist views. I refer anyone who is interested to those passages in his autobiography in which he describes the behaviour of the Jamaican crowd during the Sabina Park Test: you will remember that was the match in which the West Indian fast bowlers, coming round the wicket, rendered a number of Indian batsmen hors de combat. That doesn't mean that Gavaskar is a committed round-the-clock racist, of course.
However, if he is a eunuch as well - no evidence has emerged so far in support of this claim - then he must be disqualified from consideration as a pillock. The law is fairly clear on that: you can't be both eunuch and pillock. Wasn't that one of Procter's rulings at the hearing?

[Steve]

"pillock" is too kind for Gavaskar and Harbahjan Singh. How about racist eunuchs? Neither have the nuts to be honest.

[Steve]

How about a vote for Sunil Gavaskar. Now he really is a pillock!

[Vanillasky]

First : Cricket Australia & Ricky Ponting - for Cry baby attitude..now everyone in the world cricket knows how powerless they are and when they gets back something on the ground ..they run upstairs crying !

Second : Micheal Clark - branded by Justice Hansen as a cheat and a unreliable witness !!

[Terry Smith]

Why is'nt Ricky Ponting in this catergory? He is the biggest pillock in international sport today. Its got to be 'Teri Maki' for objecting to any form of friendship with the opposition in a test match.

[Hatchet]

I vote for Peter Roebuck.
Convicted of spanking young men on the bare buttocks he now presumes to tell people how to behave.

[Harry]

The 'Teri Maki' [maanki] gets my vote for objecting to any form of friendship with the opposition in a test match.

[GP]

How about the illustrious Indian team Manager Chetan Chauhan for suggesting that 'monkey' is not at all derogatory and is in fact revered in India as a god!! what a pillock!

[Tony T]

My bet's looking good. Terry Monkey is winning.

I voted for Proctor, too.

[Oscar the Grouch]

Rusty - nah, mate, a pillock is a basically harmless animal; Roebuck is a particularly nasty, calculating, envious, malicious and deviant specimen, whose characteristics go back way beyond his current performance, back to his time at Somerset. And before anybody starts - don't give me the 'he speaks well of you' line - he speaks ill of everybody who is not an Indian cash cow, (sorry, 'proud warrior') but himself. 'In it to Whine' indeed...

[John]

Justice Hansen. He has just stated. "An ordinary person could not be offended when called a monkey"
If all the pillocks lived in the same town, he'd be town pillock

[Mr A Nel]

Kidd,

Pitiful. 'B' Grade the lot of 'em. If I had to pick, I'm with Luke and Jorrocks.

Proccy coached me once. Told me to shut up, bowl off the wrong foot and aim at the stumps.

I mean - really - what a pillock.

[suresh]

I really don't understand why Symonds was let scott free for uttering the F word. even justice hansen admitted that symonds had admitted ot have used the word, which in my opinon desered punishment.

[Tony T]

Patrick, I haven't voted yet, so I haven't seen the results, but can I please have a bet on the Teri Monkey winning.

Those billion Indians always win internet polls.

[Rusty]

What about a media category? I'd like to add Peter Roebuck to your list. I don't know what his problem is - male menopause? too much crack? a touch of rabies? -but he's done so many backflips the past few weeks that he's beginning to suffer from god-delusions. If you're not up with his latest, check this out

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,23134726-5001505,00.html

Of course, Patrick, that would add another Brit to your list of two Poms, two Indians, and only one Saffer and Aussie eejit each.

[John Jorrocks]

I am with Will Luke. Not just for Procter's abject bungling of the hearing but for the preposterousness of the statement that being a white South African, he, of course, was an expert on race relations.
So, yes, it's Procter for me too. A great fast bowler, though. Still, a pillock.

[Lawls]

Yes, add Cricfan to the list ...

[cricfan]

Not sure it is any business of yours to comment repeatedly on Harbhajan patting Brett Lee on the behind. If Lee had any problems with it he would have taken Harbhajan up on it. If you add an "Other person" to your voting list, you may get a few write-ins.