Line and Length - Times Online - WBLG

Who is March's Pillock of the Month?

It's the last day of March, which means that it is time once again for Line and Length's Cricket Pillock of the Month competition. Jesse Ryder, the Kiwi opening batsman who missed the Test series after injuring himself breaking into a lavatory, was February's winner, attracting more than 500 votes from Naperville, Illinois, to Curitiba, Brazil, passing through Beijing, Hanoi and Taipei. If there is one thing that unites the world, it is a prize fool. Who will follow in his footsteps? Here are the contenders, have your vote. And remember to come back tomorrow for the Hero of the Month poll.

Mohammad Ashraful had a bad month. The Bangladesh captain began it by making 0 and 4 in two Test innings against South Africa, followed it with 8, 0 and 9 in three one-day innings against the same opponents and was then fined 25 per cent of his month's pay by his board for slapping a spectator who had told him he was rubbish.

The Colts Cricket Club in Sri Lanka, coached by former one-day great Romesh Kaluwitharana, lost a match after being penalised for time-wasting. Hardly created headlines across the world, but I found it interesting. The Moors, their opponents, were two runs shy of victory when the match was ended for bad light, then the umpires decided to give the Moors five penalty runs because the Colts had been wasting time, which turned a draw into a defeat. Full marks to the umpires for bravery.

Angus Fraser was booked for speeding by the New Zealand police during the recent Test series. Well, most of us have done that - even if we haven't been caught by a speed gun - so I can't criticise him too much, but it does give a chance to make a joke about it being nice that one England bowler topped 90mph during the tour.

Stephen Harmison was dropped from the England team after starting the New Zealand tour the way he always tends to start tours these days, spraying the ball around at 80mph and looking for all the world as if he didn't want to be there. Finished the Test with match figures of 1-121 and a fairly lucky one it was too. Were England right to drop him? Ninety-seven per cent of you thought they were.

The New Zealand Mat(t)hews, Bell and Sinclair, were walking wickets at the top of the order against England. Bell, the opener, had three ducks in six innings and only a final-gasp fifty brought him to the respectability of an average of 19.5; Sinclair, the No 4, got off the mark every time, which makes his average of 11.8 in six innings all the more remarkable.

Robert Ogilvie, a Brisbane man, decided to streak during the second Commonwealth Bank Series final between India and Australia and ended up poleaxed by Andrew Symonds. I'm not condemning him for streaking (you have to admire his balls, so to speak) but if you are going to run starkers at a cricketer, why pick on someone built like a brick dunny? Ogilvie did well to escape without a broken shoulder.

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Indian Premier League comes to London?

I wish I had been born in the 1950s rather than the mid-1970s then I might have been able to draw some parallels between the Kerry Packer Circus and the funfair that is the Indian Premier League. (Actually, I think my ideal time to have been born would have been 100 years ago, so I'd have had all the fun of being an adult in the 1930s and 1940s - the Blitz, Vera Lynn, the golden age of jazz, Bradman, wanton wartime shagging - with a relatively low chance of being sent into active combat, especially considering my eyesight).

Anyway. Among the things to have come out about the IPL this weekend was the news that Lord's and the Oval, and possibly other grounds, might stage exhibition matches for the IPL teams. This was reported by the world's media after an article in The Times yesterday, although to be fair the first whispers came two days earlier in a piece written in the Birmingham Post by George Dobell (I'll have a pint of Guinness, George).

It strikes me as odd that the ECB can bleat about the involvement of players from the rebel Indian Cricket League in county cricket, saying that they fear the endorsement of a competition that could threaten their monopoly here, and yet invite in the IPL to directly promote another country's tournament rather than our own Twenty20 Cup. Actually, it's not odd, just a sign of how desperate the ECB is to kiss up to the BCCI.

Why not make our Twenty20 competition better than the IPL's, rather than allow the IPL to make money over here? The Domestic Structure Review Group is considering its options and the results will be revealed in a couple of weeks. There have been calls for them to be radical, perhaps even to go for city-based franchises rather than the old counties, but if we brush aside the stardust of the "new" IPL, what is actually being planned in India that is so innovative?

It is the same basic competition as the Twenty20 Cup. There will still be three stumps, two batsmen at any one time and a small round ball. Many of the games will be under floodlights. There will be music and razzmatazz. Any other fripperies are irrelevant. The only difference is that the world's best players are competing in India and being paid stacks of money for it. Perhaps all the ECB needs to do is to remove the restrictions on overseas players over here and allow counties to strike business partnerships with the money men to sign the biggest names.

However, I have my own radical masterplan: first, instead of 20 overs a side, why not have an unlimited number (more is always better, right?); then, instead of having the match over and done with inside three hours, expand it to four or possibly five days; finally, and this is a good one, let each side have two chances to bat. It sounds revolutionary, but it might just work. I'd be happy with it, anyway.

Sehwag eyes Lara's world record

I'm on Boat Race detail this week so my eye was off the cricket ball, so to speak, when our deputy books editor came over just now to tell me about Virender Sehwag's magnificent efforts today. At the end of the third day of India's Test with South Africa, Sehwag is on 309 not out off only 292 balls - easily the fastest triple hundred in history  - and needs 92 tomorrow to beat Brian Lara's world record score.

How wonderful that when the rest of India is getting excited about cricket that can be condensed into two and a half hours, Sehwag should remind us of the thrill of building a big innings, even if he scored at Twenty20 pace. It's a perfect batting pitch and he must have just thought "why not, let's go for my shots", safe in the knowledge that the next batsman in could always play more cautiously. And to think that Sehwag's career looked over a year ago.

By batting so quickly, Sehwag has given India a chance of winning a dead game, too. At 468 for one, replying to South Africa's 540, and with two days to go, India can build a decent lead by the end of day 4 and maybe, just maybe, the pitch will start to crack up for the spinners. Fascinating. Give me a Test any day of the week.

South Africa and India slug it out

I'm sure that my Doosra colleague will have plenty to say about the India v South Africa series, which has reached the end of the second day of the first Test, but it is turning into a good old-fashioned sluggathon on what presumably is an ideal batting wicket in Madras.

I've only watched bits here and there of the match but there seems to be very little in the pitch to trouble the batsmen on either side. South Africa reached 540 and India are 81-0 at stumps. Unless it starts to break up a bit as the game goes on, this will probably be a high-scoring draw. India have picked only two seamers and Kumble and Harbhajan bowled 90 overs between them; it's a bit disappointing now that India are turning out some fine pace bowlers that they couldn't prepare a more lively pitch and pick Ishant Sharma or Zaheer Khan to bolster RP Singh and Sreesanth. It must be quite demoralising for the India spinners to have to run in for almost every other over knowing that there is little in the pitch to help them.

It doesn't appear that Gary Kirsten has yet been able to turn India into a decent fielding side. There were more than a few lapses that I saw, with fielders sliding over balls or diving too late and there was an amusing scene when Harbhajan and Sreesanth both went for the same high catch, only for Sreesanth to pull out and leave it to Harbhajan, who promptly gave his young team-mate a volley of abuse. However, if Twenty20 is to be the new god of Indian cricket, the players will soon learn that slapdash fielding is costly. The greatest impact of the Indian Premier League may not be the TV deals and salaries but that it turns India into a world-class fielding team, to go with their first-rate bowling and batting.

Auction stations: England under the hammer

The Times can reveal exclusively (albeit with tongue in cheek) that Gudrav "Sammy" Patel, the American-based Indian-born trillionaire, is about to announce the World Premier League (WPL) in which franchised national teams will compete in five-day "Test" matches to be held at new purpose-built stadiums in China and the US for $1 million a match.

Click here to see how Christopher Martin-Jenkins rates the England players, based on their performances in New Zealand.

Is there any point in a two-Test series?

Meanwhile, Test cricket continues around the world. In Guyana, West Indies are battling heroically against Sri Lanka. Having struggled past the follow-on, West Indies are intriguingly poised at 96 for one at the start of the final day, having been set 437 in just under four sessions to win. Given the recent debate about when teams should declare, some may say that Sri Lanka have been generous, but if West Indies do reach the target (and with Gayle, Sarwan and Chanderpaul in the team it is possible) the achievement should not be underestimated.

A Test has also just started in Madras between India and South Africa, which I'm sure most readers have been looking forward to as much as I have. The XIs of both sides make the mouth water and while India will be the favourites, they may have to work hard to win the Tests. As things stand on the first day of the first Test, South Africa are 262 for three with some 20 overs still left in the day.

India and South Africa are playing a three-Test series, which sadly seems to be the norm these days. But if three Tests allow you to reasonably gauge who is the stronger team, surely it has to be the minimum length of a series between two of the big eight nations. The news that India have cut one of the three Tests that they were to play against England next winter is shocking and, I would suggest, something of an insult to England, who gave them three last summer (and that felt disappointingly short, too).

So much for all the toadying support the ECB has given the Indian cricket board recently over the ICL/IPL row. Yes, England may not be as much of a draw in India as Australia or some of the other more successful nations and, yes, one-day cricket is far more important to India than Tests (they've somehow managed to find room for seven one-day matches when England are there), and, yes again, other big nations have to put up with two-Test series from time to time. Even the Muralitharan-Warne Trophy this winter between Australia and Sri Lanka was only two Tests. But it seems such a pointless effort to go all that way for barely any warm-up games and two Tests and a bit of an insult.

It is the nature of the modern game, I know. And the Indian board blames the Champions Trophy in September, a tournament barely anyone wants, for eating into the calendar. And England are partly to blame because they don't want to be away over Christmas, the poor mites. I just feel that cricket has been shortchanged by the deal. England v India should be worth at least three Tests. So should Sri Lanka v Australia, Pakistan v South Africa or West Indies v New Zealand. Any less just doesn't feel right, like going out for dinner and leaving without dessert and coffee.

England win Test and series

So England managed to take the five wickets they needed last night to ensure that they won the Napier Test and took the series 2-1. Well done to them, especially for fighting back after losing the first Test. Winning away from home is never easy either. But they made a meal of it last night as Tim Southee and Ross Taylor took New Zealand past 400. Heck, even Chris Martin made 5.

Some readers (Ann, say) may feel that this fully justifies Michael Vaughan's caution in batting on on the fourth day to get a lead of 550. We only won by 120 runs and so it was best to have the insurance in the bank. I'd suggest that it was having such a huge buffer that made England lose focus somewhat when they were bowling second time around. When they thought they were defending only 250 in the first inning, the bowling was sparky, aggressive and constantly probing. This time they had all the runs and time they needed, where was the urgency?

The large lead may also have encouraged the free-hitting from Southee in particular - 77 off 40 balls - at the end. The match was over, may as well have some post-lunch fun. It skewed the size of the win. If New Zealand were chasing 450, they would not have batted so carefree and England's tactics would have been tighter. Ann is right to say that it is Michael Vaughan's prerogative to declare when he wants, not some hack watching TV on the other side of the world. But I am worried that by pushing for a 550-run lead in the second innings, England betrayed their fear more than they showed their strength. If you don't feel confident about dictating the game to New Zealand when you are 500 runs ahead, you are in a state of weakness. Oh well, roll on the summer.

Pick your ideal England team

England duly completed a series victory over New Zealand in the early hours of this morning, winning the final Test in Hamilton by 121 runs, a margin that would have been far greater but for a stunning display of clean hitting by Tim Southee, the Black Caps’ teenage debutant, who also took five wickets in the first innings. Some future he has ahead of him. Ian Terence Botham, for instance, also claimed a five-for in his first Test innings, but could only manage a score of 25 with the bat.

The triumph underlined a marked turnaround in fortunes for Michael Vaughan’s side, having lost the first Test in Hamilton. Changes were made, which for the most part, worked out. But let us not delude ourselves – yet, at least –  that this England team is the finished article and ready to give Australia a run for their money when our Antipodean enemies visit these shores in summer 2009.

New Zealand and South Africa are the touring sides this spring and summer and we thought it might be fun for you to have a go at being Geoff Miller, the national selector, for a day. Imagine you have a fully-fit squad to choose from, that Andrew Flintoff, for instance, has made a full and complete recovery from the fourth surgery on his troublesome ankle and that you have been put in sole charge of selecting the side to face New Zealand at Lord’s in the first Test starting on Thursday, May 17.

The rules are simple. You can pick one all-rounder and one wicketkeeper, five or six batsmen and three or four bowlers. If your arithmetic is impeccable your choices will add up to eleven good men and true. Unfortunately the voting system will allow you to have twelve players if you so wish, but we would ask you to stay within the spirit of the exercise.

Players available to you are all those who have been picked for an England Test squad since the Ashes tour to Australia last winter. Therefore, there is no Simon Jones, for instance, whose reverse swing and raw aggression would be a boon to any side. If you feel there are other omissions, then feel free to let us have it with both barrels at the bottom of this post.

Good hunting.

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Do it for CMJ, England!

So, this winter's cricket has just one day left to run (from an English perspective, that is, there is still West Indies' desperate crawl towards mediocrity against Sri Lanka and an enticing India v South Africa series round the corner). Five wickets are needed to allow English backs to be slapped and if the overall winter's results have been fairly poor, they are at least ending on a high.

A win would be a nice end to Christopher Martin-Jenkins's long career as a cricket correspondent after coming to The Times from The Daily Telegraph in 1999. Although CMJ will continue to write for us - he will no doubt be a permament cheerleader for Sussex's charge to another title - the baton as correspondent will be passed to Michael Atherton next month and this is his final Test. His gentle tones and dry wit will still be heard on Test Match Special, too, and while CMJ says he is retiring from full-time writing to devote more time to his golf handicap (he was given a putter by the Cricket Writers Club as a long-service present), he will no doubt be a frequent fixture in this paper for many years to come.

Personally, I'd like to thank him for his kind encouragement and occasional chidings (normally when I've subbed his copy and removed a joke) over the past few years. I first met CMJ a few years ago when I was working on this paper's property section rather than on sport. He wanted to sell his house and called in a favour with the property editor. Knowing that I liked cricket, the editor sent me down to CMJ Manor, where I spent an enjoyable hour talking far more about cricket than en-suite bathrooms. Thus began a move towards sports journalism, so I guess I have CMJ to thank. He sold the house on the back of my article, too, although the estate agent must have forgotten to pass on a percentage cut.

The psychology of declaring

Another night, another intention to stay up watching the cricket until lunchtime and then give up and head off to bedfordshire. The first session of the fourth day began an hour ago with England more than 500 runs ahead of New Zealand yet, as was expected, they chose to bat on for a bit. Why? I mean, why? I'm sure the weather in Napier is hunkydory with barely a hint of any rain to come today or tomorrow, but why not avoid the risk and get New Zealand batting from the word Go?

Here comes the statty bit: 1) the highest score ever made batting last to win a Test is 418; 2) only six teams have chased more than 350 to win a Test batting last; 3) only one team has ever made more than 500 in the fourth innings of a Test and that was almost 70 years ago in a timeless match; 4) it's New Zealand, not Australia.

So the only reason for carrying on was to see if Andrew Strauss, on 173 overnight, could get to a maiden double hundred. (Personally, having decided to bat on anyway I'd have told Strauss to set his sights on Brian Lara's record innings of 400 - after all, two and a bit sessions will surely be enough to beat a side containing the two walking wickets of Mat(t)hews Bell and Sinclair). Naturally, Strauss went in the second over.

Then Tim Ambrose, who began the day with him, went cheaply too. Eager not to look a fool, Michael Vaughan kept the team batting on even longer, until the lead had passed 550. Sadly, in his keeness to use that as an excuse to declare Vaughan failed to notice that Stuart Broad was left high and dry on 92 career runs in Tests, just eight shy of reaching 100 (which would have been coincidentally in as many innings as it took his father). Would it have cost much to let the poor lad get to the pathetic landmark? Would it? Bah humbug, as the Easter bunny would say.