Government recalls Jayasuriya

Warwickshire are cursing the IPL after Sanath Jayasuriya's success in that tournament has led to him being recalled to Sri Lanka's one-day side for the Asia Cup next month instead of joining the county. Apparently the selectors were swayed by the intervention of the Sri Lankan sports minister, Gamini Lokuge, who had seen Jayasuriya make 114 for Mumbai in the IPL and thought he "still had it".

Now I'm instinctively a small government sort of person, who would rather that ministers got their nose out of matters that don't concern them, but I admit that when I read that story I was rather tempted by the idea of our parliamentarians debating the make-up of the England XI. I can see a Prime Minister's Questions in the near future...

Speaker: Order, order. Questions to the Prime Minister.

A Backbencher: "Will the Prime Minister list his engagements for today?"

Prime Minister: "This morning I had meetings with the England selectors and others. In addition to my duties in the House, I will be heading to the Oval to watch Surrey play Yorkshire."

Speaker: Order. Mr Cameron.

David Cameron (Conservative): "Can the Prime Minister reveal to the House whether England will use a three or four-man pace attack at Old Trafford?"

Prime Minister: "The Right Honourable Gentleman will recall that Monty Panesar has taken 18 wickets at Old Trafford under a Labour Government, I have every confidence in him doing the same in the next Test."

David Cameron: "That's just spin. Answer the question. Three fast bowlers or four?"

Prime Minister: "I am not going to be lectured by the Conservatives on spin given that under their administration, England relied on John Emburey and Eddie Hemmings. Under this Labour Government, more wickets have been taken by bearded Sikh left-armers than at any time in history."

David Cameron: "He won't answer because he has no policy on fast bowlers. He doesn't know whether Chris Tremlett should be added to the squad or whether James Anderson should play. Will he not admit that what the country is crying out for is the return of a fast bowler who can hit the deck hard and put the wind up batsmen? Will he take responsibility for the complete collapse in the share price of Steve Harmisons in the past year? And when will he admit that the health of Andrew Flintoff is much worse under him than his predecessor?"

Prime Minister: "I remind the House that England won the Ashes for the first time since 1987 under a Labour Government..."

Backbencher: "And you lost them 5-0 away from home."

Speaker: "Order, I won't have members speaking out of turn. Prime Minister."

Prime Minister: "We are responsible for a top six who all average above 40, the revival of Ryan Sidebottom and the development of a strong support system of coaches and analysts. That is the legacy of my Government, when we are competive in all forms of cricket rather than being walloped by the Aussies. I don't think the country wants a return to the days of Boon and bust."

[Much laughter at his wit]

David Cameron: "The Prime Minister is complacent. He talks of England victories, but he forgets the last Ashes. He forgets the World Cup, the World Twenty20 and last summer's defeat by India. It is a sad reflection of his poor handling of the England side that Chris Read hasn't been given a proper chance in the side when everyone knows he is the best wicketkeeper in the country, that Paul Collingwood remains in his post despite a poor run of scores that makes Alastair Darling look competent with numbers, that Andrew Flintoff is always promised but never delivered and that the present XI take flight at the first sight of bad light. That is his legacy, is he not ashamed?"

Prime Minister: "We'll see who's smiling next summer, sonny."

Nick Clegg (Lib Dems): "Can I ask the Prime Minister to turn his attention to house prices?"

All: Boring, boring, time for lunch.

Comments

[Keith Lawrence]

Very clever... but personally I'd like Messrs Brown and Cameron to tackle the worthiness of a 20 team first class system, as a system of producing strong England teams into the future.

[Innocent Abroad]

I can't really see Gordon Brown at a cricket match. Indeed, the only good thing about the Tories is that they are more pro-cricket than Labour (Kate Hoey always excepted, an no one knows why she's in the Labour Party anyway, although come to think of it didn't those big twin girls from Merseyside play the game when younger?)...

[Mehtheem Inagaibar]

Very droll, Mr Kodd, very droll!