Line and Length - Times Online - WBLG

May's pillock of the month

The county season is in full swing so it's time to reveal the nominations for our monthly Pillock of the Month competition. Harbhajan Singh set a record for this last month, earning more than two thirds of your nominations for slapping Sreesanth. Who will follow him this month and earn his ticket for the end-of-year Pillocks' Hall of Shame? The options this month are:

Ravi Bopara for letting it be known he had been approached by the Indian Premier League. Sorry Rav, but much as I'm a fan it was a bit big-headed to go on about how you turned the IPL down. Given your modest record in a limited international career so far (which I'm convinced will improve) you were hardly going to be attracting big bucks - you're no Kevin Pietersen - and it smacked a bit too much of a cry for attention. Let your batting for Essex do the talking for you.

The England batsmen and umpires in the first Test at Lord's, for being paranoid about playing in iffish light and thus denying the paying spectators half a day's cricket on both the Thursday and the Friday and perhaps preventing a result. Top-level cricketers who have already made a fifty partnership with little trouble should not be so keen to walk off when it gets gloomy and umpires should consider the fans first.

Health & Safety bureaucrats who have demanded a public inquiry over the Brit Oval's planned expansion. Some 2,000 extra seats and a hotel are in jeopardy because the Health & Safety Executive has suddenly noticed the large green gas-holders behind the Oval and is worried that they may explode during a Test match. Never mind that the gas-holders have been there for more than 100 years without going pop. Surrey point out, not without justification, that there are a few active gas-holders near the London 2012 site in the East End, too, and no one is saying we should stop building for the Olympics.

Vijay Mallya, owner of the Bangalore IPL franchise, for turning on his team. Apparently, Bangalore's embarrassing failure in the IPL was all Rahul Dravid's fault for selecting the wrong team and Mallya never wanted the players he was saddled with. He wasn't saying that after Bangalore won their second match of the tournament against Mumbai, of course. Mallya, who made his money from selling alcohol, said he had more of a clue about Twenty20 cricket than Dravid, for all his Test caps. In which case, if he had doubts, why make Dravid captain and why not take more of a role in selection instead of whinging about it? Mind you, Mallya has behaved no worse than any stroppy sports team owner. Just ask Avram Grant.

New Zealand for emulating their rugby union brothers and choking when victory was in their grasp at Old Trafford. Effectively 205 without loss in their second innings, they proceeded to fall apart in the face of Monty Panesar's spin, setting England less than 300 for an unlikely win and then made no impact with their bowling. It should be Daniel Vettori, not Michael Vaughan, who holds a 1-0 lead this series.

The Pigeons at the Oval. One of their number was hit by a hard late cut from Matt Nicholson last week and killed. According to witnesses at the ground, the poor stiff birdie was then set upon by his so-called friends, proving that pigeons will eat anything, even each other. Rana Naved-ul-Hasan rescued the bird's dignity by carrying his mangled carrion to the boundary. I understand that the Times correspondent's description of the cannibalism was cut so as not to offend that noted naturalist Simon Barnes.

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Punter joins the five-figure club

It's said through gritted teeth but "well done Ricky Ponting" on passing 10,000 runs in Test cricket today. The Australia captain joined Sachin Tendulkar, Brian Lara, Steve Waugh, Sunil Gavaskar, Allan Border and Rahul Dravid in the elite club when he drove Ramnaresh Sarwan for a couple in today's Test in Antigua. Ponting was out for 65 soon after, but Australia, at 185 for two as I type, are heading for yet another of those ominous first-innings positions of strength.

No denying that Ponting is a class act as a batsman and with 35 Test hundreds to his name he is second only to Saint Sachin in the list of centurions. I imagine that Ponting, still only 33, will go on to hold that record on his own as well as becoming the leading run-scorer in Tests, depending on how much longer Tendulkar continues. "Punter" must also have the aim of getting his career average up from 58 and a bit into the 60s before he retires and I suspect that we have a few more years of him.

Yet Ponting always seems to be a step or two removed from the top drawer of Australia batsmen. Obviously he falls well below Don Bradman, but am I alone in rating Hayden as more brutal, Border and Steve Waugh as more gritty, Mark Waugh and Dean Jones as more graceful, Adam Gilchrist as someone I'd rather pay to watch? It seems unfair, but has Ponting's undoubted talents been diminished because so often he has been just one of three or four awesome Aussies in any given Test? If he'd played when there was less expectation, as Border did, would he be regarded as Australia's greatest? What do you think?

Semi serious

A prestigious cricket competition got down to its business end this afternoon with the semi-final stage to decide who would move on to greater glory this weekend. Yes, it was the last four of the ICC World Cricket League Division 5 and Afghanistan and Jersey won bragging rights by beating Nepal and the USA.

Not only do the Afghans and the Jerseyites get to play tomorrow for the prestigious Div 5 title, but they also both earn promotion to Division 4, where they will play Hong Kong, Fiji, Italy and Tanzania in October in the second stage of qualifying for the 2011 World Cup. England had better send scouts (or girl guides, I'm not sexist) to check on the form of their possible opponents.

Much as I'd have loved to have seen a US vs Afghanistan final (what a political hoot that would be), the Americans were well beaten by Jersey. Chasing 221 to win, they were bowled out in the 39th over for 136. Meanwhile, Afghanistan were already celebrating their victory over Nepal, the strong favourites in this event. Having been dismissed for just 142, Afghanistan's bowlers then did the job on Nepal, bowling them out for 105.

In the semi-finals of another competition a few time zones away, Rajasthan Royals qualified for Sunday's big pow-wow by destroying Delhi Daredevils. Shane Watson hit a fifty in next to no time as the Royals reached 192 and then Watson picked up three wickets with his bowling to send the Daredevils spiralling towards 87 all out. So well done to Rajasthan, but did they get a nice cream tea afterwards to celebrate as Jersey no doubt did?

Ramprakash watch, part three

Another week, another forlorn hope that Mark Ramprakash will get his historic 100th hundred. Sadly it won't be today. No sooner had I started typing an "83 runs needed at Whitgift" sort of piece, then Ramprakash went from 17 not out to 17 sulking in the pavilion after edging behind off Charl Willoughby. Oh well, there's always the second innings.

The mighty Flynn

Journalist made to look stupid, part 94. The eagle-eyed readers may have seen that I wrote a piece today headlined "Daniel Flynn surgery delays New Zealand return". The exceptionally eagle-eyed, or fans of Northamptonshire, may then have spotted his name in the New Zealand XI just announced to play at Northampton.

Drat and double drat. All I can reproduce in my defence are the quotes that the New Zealand press officer told me last night (and add the caveat that my piece says "not expected to play" while the headline is a bit less ambiguous). "The team's all over the place," I was told. "There's still a big cloud over Flynn. He went into hospital in Northampton yesterday to have the nerve of a bottom tooth removed - the one next to the one knocked out - and he probably won't play. He's busting a gut to get back but if they decide not to risk him then Vettori will play instead."

Oh well, that's my defence. All credit to Flynn for coming back into the team so quickly after his nasty injury at Old Trafford. The fact that Jamie How is not in the team because of an injury and that Brendon McCullum has a stiff back is possibly one reason why he was selected. Good luck to him and let's hope he ducks next time a ball comes heading for his face.

Prior engagement

UPDATE TO POST BELOW: They've given it to Ambrose, but were they right? Read and vote...

England will announce a squad tomorrow for the NatWest Series of one-day internationals against New Zealand and among those huddled around the wireless hoping to hear their name read out by Mr Geoffrey Miller will be the friends and family of Matt Prior, who have their fingers, toes and eyes crossed that their lad will have earned a recall.

Prior was dropped after some ghastly keeping in Sri Lanka but he said that he would fight to regain his place, even if it was only as a batsman. Certainly few can fault his batting this season with an average of 53 in both one-day and first-class cricket and more runs of the latter variety than anyone else. But has his keeping improved?

I have seen only one Sussex match this season, when Prior barely reacted to an edge off Luke Wright until it hit the boundary board, but my colleague Walter, a lifelong Sussex dupe, says he is unaware of much complaining about Prior's glovework. He has been working with Alec Stewart to improve his skills (Prior, not Walter) and maybe that has helped. Anyone else seen him?

And if England don't recall Prior for the one-day series, who should they pick? Phil Mustard is the man in possession but has only one fifty in seven one-day innings for Durham this season and his average of 27, a shade higher than what he averages for England, suggests that he is a man who can do so much and no more. James Foster is keeping beautifully for Essex and his average of 44 this season in both forms of the game is good, if bolstered by a couple of not-outs.

Chris "Fletcher Says He Can't Bat for Toffee" Read is averaging 57 in first-class games and 45 in one-dayers (again helped by not-outs) but rarely looks at ease in one-day games. Tim Ambrose has played only two one-day games for Warwickshire this season because he has been playing grown-up cricket with England and made 28 and 1 in those two innings. Or should it be someone else? If so, tell me.

Opinion Polls & Market Research

From zero to hero

It would probably have been a sensible investment to bet on an Australian being top run-scorer in the Indian Premier League, even if some of the bigger names left the tournament halfway through for their tour to the West Indies. but the identity of the Aussie who holds a 70-run lead at the top of the run-scoring table will have foxed most of us.

Step forward Shaun Marsh, the Western Australia and Punjab Kings opening batsman who has nary a Test or one-day international cap to his name but gets to wear an orange cap in Saturday's semi-final for scoring more runs than anyone else. Yesterday, Marsh, son of Geoff, the former Australia opener, made 115 off 69 balls as Punjab beat Rajasthan Royals in their final group match and the two sides may well meet in Sunday's final.

The orange cap is a gimmick but a rather good one. It has passed from batsman to batsman as the tournament has progressed, like the yellow jersey in the Tour de France. The leading wicket-taker at each stage throughout the tournament gets a purple cap, too, and at the moment that is being worn by Sohail Tanvir, the Rajasthan left-armer, who has played only two Tests for Pakistan. Good to see the lesser-known players shining.

Marsh was a very shrewd buy by Punjab, no doubt aided by the advice of their coach, Tom Moody. He was the top run-scorer in Australia's domestic Twenty20 this year and will make his international debut soon after being named in their one-day tour party for the West Indies.

A first-class average of 35 suggests that it is a little early to be thinking of him as a Test match contender, but he averaged 60 in first-class cricket this winter and with the genes and batting skills that he has, it is not improbable. He has been batting first wicket down for Western Australia, behind the now-retired Justin Langer and Chris Rogers, but with Matty Hayden nearing the end of his career there will be a place at the top of the Australia order soon. In fact, come the end of next summer we may be as heartily sick of the Son of Swampy as we were of Geoff in the Ashes summer of 1989.

The changing face of cricket

The ECB is meeting tomorrow to discuss changes to the domestic structure of the game in England. Such changes will come in from 2010, after the more important business of the Ashes and World Twenty20 next summer. Among the ideas floating around is a return to three-day first-class cricket, three conferences of equal status rather than two divisions of the championship and a rethink of the 40-over competition.

I have affection for what used to be called just the Sunday League, not least because Essex have won it five times. This is the 40th year of the competition, which has had 13 different names and has fluctuated from 40 overs to 50, 45 and back to 40 again. I like it best how it is now, although I am intrigued by one proposal to make it a game with two 20-over innings.

Nigel is not impressed with such tinkering but he is even less reactionary than I am. I will, however, repeat the concerned comment I left on his blog about the marketing of Pro40 this year. "It's Twenty20's big brother," the posters say, as if the competition is incapable of having an identity of its own. No doubt if the idea of splitting it into quarters goes through, the marketing men will again link it back to the newest competition: "Like Twenty20, only twice the fun!", they'll say.

If Pro40 is Twenty20's big brother, what does that make Test cricket? Twenty20's venerable and geriatric great-uncle, who sits in the corner grumbling and smelling faintly of wee, but who for some reason most of us love dearly? And will Tests soon be marketed as "Like Twenty20, only slower!"?

Welcome the new boys - UPDATED

The cricket blogosphere is spreading faster than the outfielders when Kevin Pietersen gets that look in his eye. Welcome a few new entrants to the gang who are worth a visit: Nigel Henderson is well-known to long-time readers of Line and Length after he sent regular postcards of despair from Australia during the last Ashes series, which were collated in his book, If It Was Raining Palaces... His blog, Reverse Sweep, is taking its first faltering steps in the world and will be well worth a regular read.

Also, as reminded in these comments, there is the Last of the Summer Whine blog by Len the Yorkshire kitman. Well-written and fun, if rather too focused on Yorkshire for some tastes, it is on my favourites list and should be on yours. Slightly disingenuous to trumpet "brought to you by the Corridor of Uncertainty website" on the banner, when "a CofU website" would be more accurate. It may link to a Yorkshire messageboard of that name, but most of us who have been around the blogosphere for a few years (not to mention Google) regard Will's Corridor blog, which had to drop the "of Uncertainty" bit because of legal pressure from some twit, as the original CofU.

Outside the Line and Well Pitched are two other blogs that have come to my attention recently, and Terry Jenner also has a blog. The self-acclaimed Spin Doctor was responsible for developing the young Shane Warne into the wicket-taking beast he became and is trying to do the same for young Englishmen. He's not posted much so far but it is worth keeping tabs on.

Jenner is arguably more famous for being the Australia batsman who inadvisably placed his head in the way of a bouncer from John Snow in 1971, which led to the England bowler being barracked by the Sydney crowd, who then chucked beer cans at him and grabbed his shirt while he fielded, with a very silly hat, on the boundary. Ah, those were the days when cricket really was a man's game... Not like the over-protected jessies we have today. Watch and enjoy.

I particularly admired the quote at the time from the SCG's curator, Athol Watkins, who said: "That crowd must have been mad. Half of the cans they threw were still full."

A low-scoring thriller

They don't make games like this any more. A three-day two-innings match exactly 130 years ago between MCC and Australia at Lord's, wrapped up by Australia with a nine-wicket win shortly before the close of Day 1 (a day, mind you, in which more than 120 overs were bowled). MCC batted first and were dismissed before lunch for 33, a rather rotten collapse from the healthy position of 27 for two.

In came Australia and swiftly took advantage of their opponents' parlous state, advancing to 41 before they were also bowled out. Would it be enough to secure an innings victory? Not quite: MCC made 19 in their second innings to ensure that the touring side would have to bat again and Australia, having lost Charles Bannerman for one and being aware that they had more than two days in which to make the 12 runs they needed, took 16 overs to reach the target.

Actually they do make games like that still, but only at the level I play in.

Here are the members of the 1878 Australian tour party in their silly blazers and fake beards. Click the pic for a closer inspection. Look at the eyes on some of them. If ever you needed proof that Australians descend from criminals...

The destroyers-in-chief were Harry Boyle, middle row far right, and Fred Spofforth, back row, left. They took 19 wickets between them in the match and 186 wickets (123 for Spofforth) on the tour. Guess they don't make tours like that any more either.

Pic: The Cricketer International