Dear Dr Ruth...

Yes, I know we have one more Test and a few ODIs against the Kiwis before the South Africans come to England, but it's never too early to start mocking Graeme Smith. This letter to an agony aunt comes from Miss Field's blog:

Dear Dr. Ruth, I am a crack dealer in KEMPTON PARK, GAUTENG who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus.

My parents live in Hillbrow and one of my sisters, who live in Benoni, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Brakpan.

I have two brothers; one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Leeukop Central Prison for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Yeoville. She is now a part time "working girl ". All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin Graeme Smith, the SA Cricket Captain?

Signed,

Worried About My Reputation

Now I agree that Smiff has a reputation for being a bit of a knob (you don't get analysis like this from CMJ - ed). For some reason, he just has the sort of face that most people want to slap (or get Harbhajan Singh to slap it for them) and there are ostriches on the Klein Karoo with bigger brains than him, or so it appears. Here is a photo of Smiff being asked at a recent press conference if he could point to his hamstring.

But I grudgingly admire him. Anyone who scores back-to-back double hundreds clearly has something going for them and when I spoke to him recently for The Times, I found him charming, chatty and interesting. A bit like Andre Nel, in fact, who also has an on-field knobbish reputation but is quite pleasant off it.

Anyway, if Smiff is pining for cold weather after three months in India then I'm sure we can oblige when he comes over here in a couple of weeks.

Comments

[Marius Roodt]

I thought it was pretty funny to be honest. Just a pity they take a dig at my hometown, Benoni. Which incidentally where Line & Length's other favourite South African, Andre Nel, lives.

If this had been posted as a serious article on the main site, I would have thought its a bit out of line, but its on Patrick's blog, so I think its fine.

I like the oicture of Smithy pointing out his hammy for the media.

[Rusty]

This is ordinary work, patrick.

Cricket blogging is becoming more and more about school-yard level persona assassination (not even character assassination as their characters are of no interest), and less and less about the game. No doubt it's partly the IPL phenomenon and that cult of the personality stuff, but it's getting to be bore.

First we have the Pillock, (which is sort of original really) but now its asinine agony aunts. Next you'll import Will's Most punch-able cricket faces. Ha, ha ha, let's make lists of the cricketers we think we're better than.

It's pre-adolescent stuff, not even particularly funny or original! I wouldn't mind if it were cutting edge satire but this is barely Herald Sun or Daily Mirror level. Where's that traditionalist you keep telling us about? Stick to that niche market - it's what you're best at.

Or stick to Pillock-level stuff, Patrick. You don't need to beg or borrow from the Facebook scene.