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Bucknor's back

Brace yourself for the excitement: it's only the World Cricket League Division 7, which got under way in soggy Guernsey conditions yesterday. "The road to the World Cup 2015 starts here" says the publicity, which is technically correct but the chances of Suriname or Bahrain going all the way must be slim.

Then again, I said that last year about Afghanistan when their road to the 2011 World Cup began and they came within one win off making it last month.

More exciting than the prospect of Nigeria or Japan making it through to face Norway and Malaysia in the next round is the identity of the man umpiring today's game between Guernsey and Gibraltar. No, not PK Baldwin of Germany, but the man at the other end: SA Bucknor of the West Indies.

Yes, it is none other than old Slow Death Steve himself, barely a month after his international retirement, who is over here to help with the development of the European umpires.

"The first thing you must learn is don't rush," Bucknor will say. "Take your time, let the batsman think he has got away with it. Let the bowler feel he has been unlucky. Then slowly smile to yourself, as if you've just got one of Daryl Harper's jokes, and raise your finger nice and steady. Follow it with a bashful shrug, to suggest to the batsman that there are no hard feelings."

That's umpiring for beginners. Those who grasp that can be allowed to learn the deeper mysteries of Bucknorism, including "if you fancy a cup of tea and it's a long wait until the next interval, simply offer the batsmen the light. The crowd will love it."

Afghans edged out

The glorious adventure is over for Afghanistan. On a thrilling final day in the World Cup qualifying tournament, they needed to beat Namibia and hope other results went their way in order to go through to the World Cup in 2011. They did the first part, holding on to win by 21 runs, and for a while it looked as if they still had a chance, but then Kenya pulled a result out of the fire

Collins Obuya and Thomas Odoyo made an unbeaten 113 in 21 overs to see Kenya home with 12 balls to spare against Ireland. The Netherlands had earlier walloped Canada to earn their place, making the four qualifiers Ireland, Canada, Kenya and the Netherlands.

Even if Kenya had stumbled, the fact that they ran Ireland close would have been enough to see them through on run-rate. Afghanistan were also overtaken in the final stretch by Scotland, who knew they had to beat the UAE quite heavily and hope Kenya lost to stand any chance.

They beat UAE by 122 runs. That snuck Scotland ahead of Afghanistan into fifth place by 0.07 of a run per over, but by coming in the top six Afghanistan have guaranteed themselves ODI status for the next four years.

It has been some journey considering that their national side was formed only eight years ago. Barely a year ago they were playing in World Cricket League Division 5 against Vanuatu, Japan and Mozambique. Perhaps instead of saying that the glorious adventure is over, I should say that it has just begun.

Afghans claim another scalp

The final World Cup qualifying event is set for a thrilling finish with Afghanistan still in with a slender chance of qualifying for the global tournament in 2011. They beat Scotland handsomely today by 42 runs, the third time they have beaten a side who played in the 2007 World Cup after wins against Ireland and Bermuda, but they have to win their final match on Friday against Namibia to stand a chance of coming in the top four and earning their passage to India.

Even then, they will be relying on other results going their way. Looking at the table, Afghanistan need to win their game and hope that either Ireland beat Kenya or Canada beat the Netherlands, unless UAE beat Scotland in which they need both Kenya and the Dutch to lose. Run-rate could still count against them but only if their win against Namibia and the Ireland/Canada win are both slender. Clear?

Regardless of all that, a straight win against Namibia will guarantee Afghanistan a top six position, which will mean that they get full ODI status, with all the financial perks that entails, for the next four years. It has been some journey considering that they were playing Vanuatu, Japan and Mozambique in the World Cricket League Division 5 last year.

I wonder whether the Netherlands may come to regret letting Ryan Ten Doeschate, by far their best player, come back to Essex early for the start of the county season. Similarly, is Tendo feeling a bit tender now? Sure, he took two wickets against Derbyshire today, but how will he feel playing at Chelmsford in 2011 when he could be out in Mumbai at the World Cup?

Afghans and Ireland march on

There are four unbeaten teams after the first two days at the World Cup final qualifying tournament in South Africa. The Afghans beat Bermuda by 60 runs and Ireland walloped Oman to lead their groups on run-rate. Canada and the Netherlands also won to maintain their perfect starts. Ryan Ten Doeschate followed his opening-day hundred for the Dutch with a two-ball duck to make him regret that he won't be at Chelmsford tomorrow for Essex's press day.

Scotland won their first game, beating Namibia by 73 runs, while Kenya showed that their first-day nightmare was out of character by thrashing UAE by nine wickets. The Kenyans take on Afghanistan on Saturday after a rest day tomorrow. Win that one and we really can start to talk about fairytales for the Afghans...

Afghans win, Kenya lose

A couple of surprising wins on Day 1 of the World Cup final qualifying tournament. Afghanistan got the competition off to a great start with a five-wicket win against Denmark, raising early hopes that they could go all the way, while the Netherlands showed that the stories about Kenya being in trouble had some credibility, beating the perennial World Cup competitors by seven wickets.

Ryan Ten Doeschate was the hero for the Dutch, taking two wickets and making 106* off 84 balls. The ICC's Associate Player of the Year says that he will put his club, Essex (but of course), ahead of his country, however, and return back to England a week before the end of the tournament so that he can start the county season. He owes his Netherlands team-mates a few more man-of-the-match performances, therefore.

In the day's other opening matches, Ireland, who have a few county players of their own, beat Scotland by seven wickets with a hundred for Will Porterfield, of Gloucestershire; the UAE beat Bermuda by four wickets despite big Dwayne Leverock taking an impressive 1-13 in ten overs; Uganda beat Namibia and Canada beat Oman.

Dyson's cunning plan

England did not beat West Indies this evening. The history books will say that they did and that England did not, after all, go through an entire winter without a win, but Andrew Strauss's side did not beat West Indies, even though they may have done so had the match run its course.

England won because the editor of the Royal Statistical Society's monthly magazine and a former Oxford Brookes lecturer came up with a system of deciding rain-affected matches that, while really quite straightforward, is occasionally misunderstood by simple folk under pressure. By failing to recognise that the dismissal of Dinesh Ramdin altered the Duckworth-Lewis formula, John Dyson, the Windies coach, committed the fatal sin of calling his batsmen in when offered the light a ball later and handing England a one-run win.

How dim, how stupidly slapdash. This may not matter as much as Shaun Pollock's misunderstanding of Duckworth-Lewis in the 2003 World Cup that knocked South Africa out, but it is a hell of a way to start a series. The frustrating thing is that if Stuart Broad had not trapped Ramdin plumb before the light meters came out, Windies may have won. Broad had just bowled a wide and if the match had ended with six wickets down instead of seven, West Indies were ahead on D/L. That is what Dyson thought. He didn't realise the formula changed with Ramdin's fall.

Or is this just his cunning plan? History often forgets that Dyson was the man who won the Ashes for England in 1981. Sure, some guys called Botham and Willis had something to do with it, but it was Dyson who top scored with 38 in the first Test as Australia made a meal of chasing 132 to win (they did it eventually by four wickets). When England could not win the second Test, Ian Botham was sacked, Mike Brearley made captain and the rest is history.

Is this Dyson making amends? By allowing England to win a game - and win it in farcical almost miraculous fashion - Dyson knows that the English media, which had been getting a bit down on their team, would start to ramp up their claims that now England are ready to win back the Ashes. Stuart Broad would be hailed as a new Botham, Andrew Strauss a new Brearley and Matt Prior a new, if less reliable, Bob Taylor. We'll all get carried away, England will get their hopes up and Australia will be inspired to rub our noses in it.

It is a crazy, cunning plan but it might just work. All ready with our intros for tomorrow: "England's chances of winning the Ashes were given a massive boost..."

Voges prioritises marriage and completes limerick

Adam Voges is one of cricket's last gentlemen. He has decided to put getting married ahead of playing for Australia. OK, it's only a one-day game and there may be plenty more of those, but it is still a risk to put cricket before someone called Kristy. (Don't know her, can't find any pictures and am unfairly following stereotypes so feel free to send rebukes but I imagine the main attraction wasn't their shared love of Hilaire Belloc.) It's not the first fine catch he has made, either.

The wedding on April 5 was organised more than a year ago and as Voges's only previous ODI was more than two years ago he had perhaps decided that his chance had come and gone. He asked Cricket Australia if he could skip one match of the series and rejoin the tour, forfeiting his honeymoon, but was knocked back so he told the selectors that he had to follow his heart. Recently he was photographed, above, practising for his first dance with Michael Clarke.

Smooching Kristy is no doubt a more tempting proposition than facing Dale Steyn at Centurion - or worse, carrying the drinks while others play - but you still have to admire his guts in possibly ending his international career for a woman. Or maybe they just had a really large non-refundable deposit on the reception venue.

Mike Hussey, whose brother David is also dating someone called Kristy (presumably not the same one), said that he had also faced such a dilemma but the future Mrs H had told him to put his career first if selected. A wise and understanding woman, Mrs H, or maybe she had already put in a call to the Aussie selectors and found out that Mike would not be picked.

It is always wise not to schedule such important events with big cricket matches. My own nuptials clashed with an ODI between England and Sri Lanka, but that was preferable to missing a Test match. My oldest friend has scheduled his wedding this summer, for which by want of any other option I am the best man, for the weekend after the World Twenty20 final and before the Ashes starts. Ridiculously, one of my wife's university friends decided to get married during the Edgbaston Test in 2005. And the bride still wonders why most of the men spent the reception sat in front of a television.

The Voges news broke on Wednesday when I was finishing a brief holiday in Venice. (Streets filled with water - that can't be right. And don't get me started on the exchange rate and the cost of a bellini at Harry's Bar. Seventeen-blinking-quid for a cocktail! I blame Gordon Brown.)

Anyway, I was thinking of Voges at the time because it suddenly occured to me that his name would allow me to complete a Venice-related limerick that had been troubling me for more than a decade. In the central cubicle of the men's toilets in the Cambridge Classics faculty, next to the graffiti that read "Dover is God but Finley is Moses" (Oh how we laughed at that), someone had written the first four lines of a limerick. No one ever completed it and I have long looked for a word ending in -oges.

The limerick went:

There once was a man from Stoke Poges

Whose hobby it was to poke Doges.

This elderly menace

Went on holiday to Venice...

Perhaps the final line should be "And bumped into that fine bloke Voges".

Anyone fancy they can do better?

Breaking news: it gets rainy in Sri Lanka in October

Is the ICC Champions Trophy cursed? After the event was moved from Pakistan last year for security concerns, Dave Richardson, the ICC general manager, admitted in a press conference today that it may have to be moved again from its new venue, Sri Lanka, because the weather won't be good enough in October. Apparently the ICC have just noticed it rains there at that time of year.

Richardson said: "Some doubts have been raised as far as Sri Lanka is concerned mainly from the weather prospective. Questions have been raised whether it's wise to hold a tournament where rain is often affecting in October. If it's not Sri Lanka, we want to hold the tournament over 12 days, which means that we have to have two venues in virtually the same city. Perhaps Perth, Johannesburg-Pretoria, Dubai-Abu Dhabi might be an option."

Maybe they just have short memories at the ICC. The last time the Champions Trophy was staged in Sri Lanka, at the end of September 2002, the trophy had to be shared between the hosts and India after a monsoon prevented the match from being completed on the scheduled day or the reserve day.

Haddin's error

Thanks to Kap, who never knowingly misses a chance to stick one to the Aussies, for alerting me to the controversy over whether Neil Broom was hard done-by when given out bowled by Michael Clarke in yesterday's ODI. Looking at the replay below it seems pretty clear-cut that the bails were dislodged by Brad Haddin's gloves rather than the ball, and it possibly should have been given as a no-ball for Haddin's gloves being in front of the stumps (I'm less convinced by this one).

But was Haddin cheating or simply confused? It is hard to believe that he didn't know that the ball missed timber on the way into his hands, but in the heat of the moment he may genuinely have thought Broom had been bowled. And if not, is it any different to a fielder not admitting the ball touched turf in a catching attempt or to a batsman refusing to walk when he has edged it? Was Haddin's deception just part of the game? Was it really the umpire's mistake or the system's for there not being a review process in ODIs? Or is Haddin just a dirty cheating scoundrel? I say this with reticence... but over to you. Just please try to be polite.

Two rollercoaster matches

I've just finished following the closing stages of a fascinating one-day international (and how many times do you get to write that?) with Bangladesh almost inflicting a second consecutive defeat on Sri Lanka. Their win a couple of days ago was only Bangladesh's eighth ODI victory against a significant country (I don't count Zimbabwe) and surely the money was shifting against them winning two in a row when Bangladesh were skittled for 152.

But odd things started to happen. Sanath Jayasuriya was run out without facing off the first ball of the reply, then Mashrafe Mortaza and Nazmul Hussain started to bowl with the control and accuracy Bangladesh so often lack. Sri Lanka slipped to six for five after eight overs. Then they rallied: Mubarak and Sangakkara put on 45, Sangakkara and Maharoof added 63, and suddenly the visiting side looked comfortable. And then it changed again: Shakib Al Hasan took two wickets in three balls and Sri Lanka were 114 for eight, still needing 39 to win and with six and a half overs to do it in.

Not the ideal time for a man with an ODI batting average of just over five to come out, but Muttiah Muralitharan played the hero's role, taking advantage of the third power-play being called for the last five overs. Poor Rubel Hussain, who had been economical but wicketless, was hit for 20 in his eighth over and 12 in his ninth. Muralitharan finished not out on 33 off 16 balls, his highest score in his 185th one-day innings. And they say he is only a bowler... Great match, great finish, great advert for the game.

UPDATE: But the fun didn't end there. Over on the other channel, South Africa also rallied hard at the end to beat Australia at the MCG. Chasing 272, SA were 221 for seven with six overs left when I decided to give up and watch Bangladesh. But with 43 runs in three overs, SA changed the game, again with the help of the batsmen-enforced power-play, which has been a great invention. Albie Morkel hit 40 off 18 balls to win in the final over. Two thrilling ODIs in the space of half an hour - when was the last time we had two good ones in a month?