My Son's in Afghanistan: Complaining Because he isn't Fighting the Taliban Enough!

Another traumatic phone call from 'Stan for our soldier's mum Mandy

I have heard the term ‘I’m bored’ twice this week and am in real danger of swinging off my virtual ‘orse and drowning myself in my honey encrusted milk! Firstly, Ross phoned from Camp Bastion, full of roller-coasting emotion about having operations cancelled at the last minute every day this week. “It’s just so frustrating mum!” I bite my lip to quell the feelings of joy. So! There is a God! I immediately phone the Ministry of Pretence to thank them…..but they are too busy fielding calls from the Home Office. A whopping £500,000 a year, is to be paid by British taxpayers, to place a man who is allegedly one of the world’s most dangerous terror suspects, Abu Qatada, under the new 22 hour ‘round the clock’ (!) cur-phew! And the best bit… the strongest conditions, like an electronic tag, should be imposed. Alrighty then! Let’s hope he doesn’t lodge an appeal to the Exeter judge that deemed tags ‘unfashionable’ and ordered the removal of the unsightly accessory from a convicted drug dealer, because it clashed with his shorts.

The second time I heard the “bored” line, was from a dad dropping young Johnny into his class. “He says he’s bored!” Oh can’t you just savour the wickedness as the teacher narrows her eyes and glowers in glorious anticipation?

Meanwhile, over in Essex, the police are busily filming yobs and louts to deter their anti-social behaviour. Well, it makes a change from ordinary, mundane arrests that incur all that paperwork. But it’s OK! Someone surely will have remembered to obtain the parents’ permission. This will all stop just as soon as Cherie Blair’s book is released (earlier than expected now, of course) and will no doubt completely distract our Home Secretary from such notions. Until the next series of Big Brother anyway.

Thank goodness for the normality of friends and family.  (‘MySpace’ friends  are most certainly included here, but their normality is highly questionable!) There is nothing quite like spending glorious, summer evenings together, quaffing fine wine, well rum and black actually, bashing out a few strangled tunes on Norman (my guitar) and everyone singing loudly into 3 strategically placed yard brooms. The new neighbours are packing as I write. “Meet my wife,” he’d said, leaning over the fence. “She’s a genuine Thai…”
“Bride?” I offered.
“Masseuse!” he said. “We met on the internet. I make adult films!” Obviously, our regular renditions do not create the right ambience for a backing track. Did I say normality?

It’s been exam week for Tom. He’s really missing his brother and struggled to revise much. Just want to say thanks to the gent that retrieved Tom’s ‘pocket money’ football from his garden. And for the knitting needle that came back in it.  Ross would have handled it much better than I did.

He’s so level headed and casually dropped his latest news almost as an afterthought. “How’s the dog?…...doing bit of sniper training…. I’m being promoted to Lance Corporal when I come home….….” Home! That word again. He jokes about going to the pub and savouring that first, long, ice-cold pint. I just want him in my arms. We all do. We are whispering tentatively about his R+R in July. Two whole weeks home! He has Laura on tea-making, Tom on bacon butty duties and a nice little trip away somewhere quiet for him and Beenie! I just don’t know how I will share him.

Comments

[Wills]

Boredom - The young soldier, stuck in base with all the mundane routine and duties. The suggestion that out there you'll be "up to your neck in muck and bullets" and he"ll be armed to the teeth, kitted up and ready to go. Age mellows this ! It was said - there are old soldiers and bold soldiers - but there ain't no old bold soldiers ! I have taken pay clerks, REME tech's and a cook out with me, begging to leave the confines of a tin city ! Then you had to curb the enthusiasm of the recently released. The cook after several years service with the ACC, went to the Guards Depot and retrained. Going on to spend a further ten years with the bn, leaving as a Lance Sergeant !