After seeing the amazing Yelena, I need a bit of a lie down

What's a chap supposed to do when a gorgeous woman in mascara, nail-varnish and a sarong  shows him how unbelievably wonderful her body is? Particularly when she then removes the sarong to jump over over a house? My instinct is to say "how absolutely bloody wonderful" and then go for a bit of a lie-down.
Yelena Isinbayeva set a new world record for the pole-vault at the Bird's Nest Stadium last night, clearing 5.05 metres. And she flirted with me (admittedly with a billion or so others as well) and blew me kisses and won the competition by 25 centimetres. In fact, she had it won with only two jumps: after that, it was just The Me Show, when she went for what she had really come for, a new Olympic record, breaking her own, and then the new world record, also breaking her own.

Fabulous athlete, fabulous sport, unforgettable night. But I was not in a position to take a lie-down. I had to write. And here we come to the dilemma of all heterosexual male sportswriters when writing about a woman who is (a) brilliant and (b) gorgeous. Is it acceptable to say that she's gorgeous? Or can I only say that she is brilliant?

If I were simply recording the facts, the answer is straightforward enough. But newspapers don't just record the facts, not these days when there are a million competing media. They also interpret. I am out here to mong opinions as much as to record the details of events for posterity.

In the primordial days of feminism (and I was there, supporting and believing) the idea of mentioning the beauty of the winner of the women's singles at Wimbledon would have been considered taboo. It would have even worse to condemn her for being unattractive despite her brilliant ground-strokes. (I have read some unrecosntructed lads' mag stuff on the great Ellen MacArthur, so the issue is far from dead.)

I have been taken to task over the years for remarking on the physical appearance of female tennis players.  The Guardian once referred to me as "a well-known tennis commentator", a remark for which I considered legal action. They quoted some of my cheery mockery of a female player's showy presentation, disregarding my rather more severe mockery of an over-the-top male player. I'm not sexist: I can be mean to anybody.

Is it sexist to be heterosexual? Hardly. Certainly, it is sexist to leer and make smutty jokes. But when a woman is at pains to present herself as beautiful -- "I always want to look like a girl. It's important that more women bring glamour to sport" Isinbayeva said -- am I supposed to ignore that and write about her technique in the L-phase? (As a matter of fact I did write about just that, though I mentioned other things as well.

So I didn't gush too much: and perhaps I was wrong, because it was a sight to gladden the heart Stacy Dragila, the America former Olympic champion at this event, talked about the competitors as "chicks on sticks". Me, I think the event and Isinbayeva are things of beauty and glory and wonder. Anybody got a problem with that?

Comments

[Chris Allison]

Great blog, do you know why Phelps stopped wearing the full body suit in his later races, opting for just the bottom half in the end?

[Les]

Would you refer to some male athlete who'd done well as being handsome or hunky? If not, don't do that about a woman when the attention should be on the race or jump or swim and not at all what she looks like!
And beauty's in the eye of the beholder, those muscles belong on a male weightlifter imo.

[A.Jones]

This prime Russian example is much better than those other birds you spend most of your time looking at Simon...

[alison]

Any chance you could tell us all about how gorgeous the male athletes are in great detail alongside their sporting accomplishments (there are plenty of them)? When you are done y'know please just give us the sport and less of the teen fantasies.

[Stephen Manick]

Simon, totally correct mate! She gives a whole new meaning to the words "Pole Vault"

[Chris]

Les, if Simon was gay, I have no doubt he would make such comments about men. That's why he mentions his heterosexuality. His argument is that all sportswriters have the right not to be afraid of recognising the attractiveness and beauty of sportsmen. Why is it ok for writers to revel in the sexuality of a singer but it somehow has to be hidden away when writing about sport? In both cases the physical appearance of the subject is secondary to their main purpose. The answer is that there's absolutely nothing wrong with recognising both.

[Eulalia]

After Denmark stole the 49er gold from Spain I needed a lie down too. Pity no attention seems to have been given to this sailing scandal. Spain seems to deserve this somehow. It is disgusting how the Jury accepted the breach of the rules and allowed Denmark to sail under Croatia's colours, confusing Italy into false safety. Why bother at all with rules if they are to be disregarded in this shocking manner?

[Norbert S]

These pics are a bit of a turn-off, Simon. Google Virginie Ledoyen, Asia Argento or Monica Bellucci for beautiful women...

[Paul]

On the non-sexism against males - have another look at the 100m Men's running final: Before the race proper, as the camera pans across the field, you can see every one of the (female) Chinese helpers standing behind the athletes smiling, chatting to each other and giggling and having a good look at the physique of the sprinters. From where they looked, they were more interested in what the trousers barely hid than in the shapes of the hairstyles.

And it made the whole scene far more human and more enjoyable, as it reduced back the racing machines to what they are - well-trained and well-prepared blokes in tights.

[Kate]

Simon - these women are there to do a job of work. Would you think it acceptable to comment on a female colleague's attractiveness?

Women's sport will never be treated as seriously as men's sport while their physical appearance is reported alongside their actual achievements.

[Tom]

Les, Simon said he was hetrosexual, so of course he doesn't refer to a male athlete as hunky, that would be just odd. However I don't believe anyone would have a problem with a female reporter saying that. Stop being so sensitive.

[Grace]

there is nothing wrong with noticing how attractive a female athlete is! I am a heterosexual woman, and the beauty of some female athletes still does not escape me, let along the male ones. It is not Simon's problem that he does not write about the beauty of Michael Phelps's body, this guy's most likely straight. I don't know why women sports writers out there don't spend a line or two on the beauty of some male athletes. C'mon, we all know you're lying if you claim not to have noticed it apart from their achievement!

[David Ellis]

Ladies beach volleyball. If they played in boiler suits would anyone watch? Not me.

[Chris G]

First of all, it's not weird for a straight man to comment that another man is good looking, you posters need to get over your sexual insecurity. Secondly, commenting on the attractiveness of female athletes is not exactly sexist, but it's still irresponsible: there is so much in our society constantly brain washing young girls that to be beautiful is the most important thing she can do, and this leads to so much unhappiness - these athletes should be acclaimed for their achievments, not for their looks; young girls need to be encouraged to hold worthwhile aspirations. PS. I'm a bloke

[Minnie]

I don't mind praise of her beauty. As a hetersexual female myself, I thought that she is very beautiful too. If I was her, I wouldn't mind reading an article about me as a brillant player and beautiful woman. why would you??

[Keith]

This seems like the defence of a middle-aged fool as he teeters over the brink of the unneccesary lacivious comment of the classic "dirty old man". An athlete is female and attractive- so.... "phoar!!". Rather pathetic: can The Times please employ reporters who can add insight to the athletic performances and leave the "Benny Hill" approach to The Star? We can all make our own minds up as to who is looking good.

[Gideon]

Quite right Simon. Yelena is a babe - and that doesn't detract from the fact that she's a great athlete. Some of the other posters above have mentioned that there hasn't been much comment on the gorgeous men in the games, and I can't see why that should be the job of the heterosexual male commentators like Simon. Slightly more controversially, nobody seems brave enough to suggest that one of the reasons why Tom Daley (remember him?) was so hyped was that he is cute - except his mum when she commented on all the teenage girls who would have his picture on their wall. Let's move on from all that 1970's sexual politics and get real.

[A Cook]

I'm afraid that despite your obvious intentions not to sound sexist, and I concede that your writing and attention given to women on the whole is worthy of praise, in the society in which we live today your comments on this woman's looks are misplaced and ill-judged. The backlash against gender equality that this country has witnessed means that women are now taught to value themselves as sexual objects before anything else, and to praise a sportswoman for her looks effectively reduces her to being defined primarily by that instead of her achievements. If you are ever in doubt, simply ask: would I speak about a man in a way which drew attention to his looks over his capability? If not, then do not do it. As a woman, I think you mean very well but you got it totally wrong this time. There are enough Sun and Nuts readers to make sexist interpretations without educated and egalitarian minded writers such as yourself validating their views.

And remember: why should sexism be tolerated whilst racism is not? No reason whatsoever.

[Ashley]

I understand this completely! My wife is half Russian/Ukrainian and is an ex gymnast. Take a look at Alina Kabaeva as a prime example of what this article is about. It shows a woman can be beautiful, a superb athlete and appreciated for both much like Yelena.

[hotstuff]

Leering and making "smutty remarks" is not sexist - except in the PC world of Guardianistas and other sad people that don't live in the real world.
Most people are not as "right on" as you timorous journos, thank god.
And that's from a real woman who likes real men!

[Mr. L. Owen]

I want to see female athletes praised for their technical ability, not on how far they fulfil a male fantasy: leave that to pornography. What is the point of female athletes defining themselves in terms of their capabilities if male sports writers work so hard to belittle them by reducing them to sex objects? Seriously: no need, and very much in the wrong direction. Would you qualify an ethnic minority member's achievements in racist way? No. A true disappointment Simon. It is effectively saying: she's a woman, so I'll pay attention to her sexuality because that is how the hierarchy of women is established ... Oh, and she's an Olympic medal winner too, as an aside. Whereas for a male competitor, no such qualification is provided and it is all about the talent. This is sexist, like it or not, and as a man I would hate if you patronised my daughter like that.

[Simon]

All you feminists need to get over your heterophobia and phobia of men (successful and unsuccessful).

[Paul Owen]

The fact that Yelena manages to be brilliant at what she does and supremely fit whilst maintaining her beauty and femininity is something which should be celebrated not hidden. What always appeals to me about her is not just her looks and of course talent but the absolute joy she gets from jumping well and breaking record after record. When she does that gorgeous smile comes out again. Then today, despite her unending success, she cried as she was given her medal and they played the anthem. What's not to like? I make a point of always looking out for the women's pole vault competition at all major events because she is always great to watch and of course good to look at. That can only be good for the sport.

[David H]

I don't think it's wrong to comment on a woman's attractiveness as well as her sporting prowess. As people have mentioned, you'd have to be lying if you said you never noticed an athlete's beauty as well as his/her achievements. Their looks add to their brilliance. Many of the women that have posted here should be less sensitive and admit that they wouldn't be offended in the slightest if a female commentator/writer complimented a male athlete's looks.
And it's more than likely that the women do care about how they look, and that the men make sure as much of their body is on show as possible. Some runners seem to wear all sorts of accessories just to look cool. They add nothing to the performance or importance of the sport but they do make it more fun to watch. I think this is the same with how a female athlete may present herself.

Bottom line, there is nothing wrong with commenting on the attractiveness of any sportsperson - male or female.

[Matthew Harries]

Whether or not there is anything wrong with mentioning her looks, to compose an entire article not about her sporting ability but instead about your right to drool over a picture of her legs is simple lechery; tasteless, shoddy writing, with a touch of self-obsession. You sound like one of those men who complains about a 'tease', and tells you she was asking for it.

I don't think "all hetersexual male sportswriters" have your problem. It's only your type - middle-aged, sad, leering men, far from home. Write about Isinbayeva's talent, and shut up about the rest.