Nick Clegg talks to Piers Morgan about cross dressing and his sex life

Here are the best bits of a superbly entertaining GQ interview by Piers Morgan with Nick Clegg. Read it in full. Don't stop until the end.

PM Do you think you’re good in bed?
NC Um... er... I don’t think I am particularly brilliant or particularly bad! [Laughs]
PM What a typical Liberal Democrat answer, sitting on the fence.
NC Since the only judge of that is my wife...
PM Not the only judge. We’ve established there is at least one other out there.
NC Yes OK, well, not for a very long time.
PM How many women would actually know for a fact if you’re good in bed?
NC [Spluttering] Er... not a... not a list as long as yours, I’m sure.
PM How many are we talking: ten, 20, 30?
NC No more than 30.
PM So there are 30 women out there who could answer the question.
NC It’s a lot less than that.
PM And what would the general consensus be, do you think?
NC You’d have to ask them!
PM Ever had any complaints?
NC Oh God yes, of course.
PM Many?
NC No.
PM What would your wife say?
NC I think she’d be very content and happy.
PM Would you ever be unfaithful to her?
NC I certainly hope not.

PM You were photographed in drag at a fashion party in New York with Louis Theroux’s bother, Marcel. Correct?
NC Yes. We were invited to what we thought was going to be a fancy loft apartment where everyone was going to be high fashion, so we went out and bought some colourful stuff.
PM Women’s clothes?
NC Women’s clothes. We plunged in like two British wallies to be confronted by very cool people wearing normal clothes.
PM Do you still wear them?
NC Only in my spare time... [laughs] no.

Click below for the cactus incident and whether he'd send his kids to private school....

PM I was particularly struck by your conviction for abusing a rare cactus.
NC [Explodes with laughter] It wasn’t just one.
PM How many was it?
NC I wasn’t really in a state to remember. I was 16, at a party in a suburb of Munich while on a school exchange trip, and fairly inebriated. What else can I tell you...
PM Er, a lot. You were convicted of a criminal offence, after all.
NC Not a formal conviction.
PM Why did you abuse the cacti?
NC I drank too much and left the party with a guy I was at school with called Tom Brown [laughs]. I shouldn’t find that funny. We wandered around the garden and found two greenhouses, and decided to go inside.
PM With malicious intent?
NC No, no, no. It was an accident. One of us had a lighter and turned it on, and this place was jam-full of furry, fuzzy cacti, and the flame nicked one of them and up it went. The effect was a beautiful glowing halo of fire, and we obviously wanted to repeat it.
PM So it ceased to be an accidental abuse of cacti and became deliberate arson?
NC It didn’t feel like it, but I suppose it was.
PM How many did you set fire to?
NC Oh, maybe 20 or so.
PM It is now mass cacti arson.
NC On reflection, yes it was. And what made it worse was that we found out that this was Germany’s premier collection of rare cacti, and they were worth a lot of money. The owner was a professor who had flown to jungles to bring them back. So they were almost irreplaceable.
PM How did you get caught?
NC Not sure. The first I remember is my German teacher called the place
I was staying and a series of expletives tumbled out of his usually mild mouth, and I knew I was in trouble. We then met the man who owned the cacti and he was extremely angry and upset.
PM Were you arrested?
NC He agreed not to press charges, but we did community service.
PM Do you think that cacti owner knows that the boy who destroyed his life’s work is now a few moves away from becoming one of the leaders of the free world?
NC [Laughs] I’m glad you see my role in such a light. I hope he doesn’t, no. I tried to buy replacements for him but it was almost impossible.

PM Will you send your kids to private school?
NC I hope not to but I am not going to play party politics with their education.
PM Not that old line. What is your belief on this issue, where is your principle?
NC I would rather not send them to private school. That is my belief.
PM How old are they?
NC Six and three.

Comments

[Wilf]

I kept looking for a clue that this was a Private Eye spoof, but it never came. Unbelievable!

[Kevin Davis]

How unbelievably foolish!

They were better off with Ming!

[Judith C]

What a wally!

[Laura Roberts]

"I am not going to play party politics with their education."

Idiot. But he would like to play party politics with other children's lives, indeed with the facet of everyone else's lives by party politics if he gets in.

As PM said, not that old line again. Oh, for a politician with an actual political philosophy and principles they believe in. Where the hell are they?

[Chris Gallagher]

This April fool's gag is good. Unfortunately the Telegraph's flying penguins article has you pipped this time. Not even the Liberal Democrats with their well known ability for stupidity (especially in their Manifesto) would be dumb enough to have their leader talk about his sex life. Sorry Times, the flying penguins were more belivable. Idiotic ideas like 50% tax rates, legalising canabis but banning smoking in public places; and banning Patio Heaters I could believe because the "Liberals" are that nannying and stupid. You've over-reached yourself with the gag this time.