How to help a child with Asperger's through School

If your child has Asperger's syndrome (AS), what can you as a parent do to help him (or her) negotiate the demanding environment of school?  Clare Lawrence, a teacher whose son was diagnosed five years ago, has these tips:

1) Explain your child to the school

This doesn’t mean cataloguing a great list of his autistic traits, but it does mean giving the teachers who work with him something to go on.  A child with AS is unlikely to have the same motivation as his neuro-typical peers. For him a Star Sticker may be just a bit of sticky paper, and his teachers need to know what does motivate him. You are ideally placed to fill them in on this. You also know what is likely to worry or frighten your child, and what your child’s strengths are.  Share these with the school so that they can use them to keep up his image with his peers, and with himself.

2) Explain the school to your child

To do this you’re going to have to get involved. Schools have changed since we went to them! If you are to even begin to explain this strange environment to your child with AS, you will need to be up-to-date with it yourself. Find out if pupils are expected to put a hand up to ask to go to the loo or to use a certain door to go out into the playground? You’ll need also to get to know the cast of characters who will be so important (at least to you!) over the next few years. The only way to do that is to be there – going on school trips, helping with the Christmas fair, setting up on Sports Day. There is no short-cut with this.  If you’re to be the bridge between school and home for your child, you need a foot on each shore.

3) Learn the routine – and watch out for changes
You are going to be the one who provides the day-to-day organisational help that keeps your child with AS on track. You’ll need to know when he needs his PE kit, to look in his bag for his reading book, to check that he remembers to go to a different classroom on Wednesday afternoons. Just as important, you need to stay alert to changes in this routine and to give him plenty of warning. Perhaps his class teacher is out on a course on Thursday or his class going on a trip out next week. If you are aware of these, then you can prepare him, and be alert for signs of stress.  It is better for him to melt-down at home because of the uncertainty of the trip than in the school car park. You can then, if necessary, keep him at home.

4) Provide specifics that already work

You have lived with your child since he was born and, although you may not have had a diagnosis for as long as that, you do know what makes him ‘tick’. It may be something as simple as giving him one clear instruction at a time (“Please bring your shoes here” works while  “We’re going in a minute.  Are you ready?  Where are your shoes?  Haven’t you put them on yet?  I can’t believe I’m still waiting…” doesn’t!). Or it may be something like saying his name and getting his attention before speaking, or giving him a five-minute-warning before a change of activity.  Simple ways of making life work for your child with AS need to be passed on.  You (and he) are the experts, so make sure that expertise is shared.

There are all sorts of practical, accessible ways to help a child with AS’s time at school make more sense. There are many ways to support his learning, guide him along the social path through school and help him through the maze of sensory, social and communicative challenges with which he will be faced. They are ways in which the various members of the team – school, child and parents – work together and each learns to understand and to each accept the idiosyncrasy of the others.

Further information, advice and support is available through Clare’s book, ‘How to Make School Make Sense – a parents’ guide to helping the child with AS’, just published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

Comments

[eric skelton]

A close friend with an 'Aspergers' child finds the childs symptoms remarkably similar to my own personality. I found school difficult (even distressing) but eventually emerged from the system not entirely happy (who is?) but in possession of a physics PhD and employment. Had I been 'diagnosed'and constantly treated as 'precious' would I by now be sitting at home unemployable and spending even more time on these (obsessive?) internet forums than I already do.

[Lorna]

I absolutely agree with Dan. Two of my children are "on the spectrum", and well-meaning attempts in school to make them behave more like neurotypical children caused them (and their parents) stress that bordered on emotional abuse. Providing education in a way that plays to their strengths, allows them to withdraw when the need arises, and avoids sensory overstimulation, has allowed them to develop into the most likeable teenagers you could ever hope to meet.

[Dragon]

It doesn't help whe you fight for years to have your child's SEN assessed. My Grandson was 9 before he was assessed and was declared Dyslexic, but every time we tried to get more help we were rebuffed. The SALT said he had Semantic Pragmatic Disorder [Aspergers] but did not put this in his Statement. At 14.9 years, with a reading age of 8.8, spelling 7.9, I took him out of school. By 16 I had him reading to his age group. His writing will never be any good, but he manages on a PC with a good spellchecker.
As to the Aspergers, at 21 he has not worked, and without an official diagnosis he has no Benefits. I keep him on my inadequate pension. He was 18 before he attempted a bus or train trip alone. Now 21, and more independant, he wants to work, but has no qualifications, and employers want to know why he hasn't worked. The only job available is refuse collection. Very sad for a bright young man with a different mind set. Getting a diagnosis is the hardest thing. The paediatrician he saw disagreed with me over the Aspergers, even though 5 members of my husbands family have Aspergers.

[Dan]

I'm biased on this topic; I would advocate something different. I don't think you should help your Aspies "through" school, but, rather OUT of school.

Modern education prepares a child for nothing but modern education. If your child w/AS desires a career as a student or a teacher or some combination, then schools are the right place. For the other 99.9%, re-write the rules completely.

If you can afford it, get a tutor or tutoring service to provide the academic basis. If you can't afford, find a homeschool program you like. (Suggest www.oakmeadow.com)

Get the kids into drama/theater. It's a safe place to 1) be a little different, and 2) practice the art of make-believe; and our Aspies don't have to work so hard to remember their (or anyone else's!) lines.

Get the kids OFF the team, and get them doing individual sports. I mean this for young kids. The older kids may benefit from teams, but only after they have a proficiency they can bring with them (ie, one learned elsewhere). Kids sports teams can be among the cruelest places for kids who ain't typical. I prefer things like track & field, gymanstics, etc, but even tennis and golf (ugh!) have the benefits of focusing on an activity, while allowing for non-threatening social interactions. Also, individual sports force skill development in a way that team sports can't or won't.

Finally, I recognize that parents of AS children can be overprotective; but, there's a greater risk of causing further isolation and separation by thrusting these kids into settings which are designed for failure. Let them grow up, first, with the emotional stability of a loving family and social network, and an intellectual understanding of their differences from "neurotypical" people. After this, forays into the public arenas will be less frightening, and "flops" will be less damaging.

I cannot think of a more damaging place for the emotional well-being of a child with AS than the modern schools. But, then, I feel that way about neurotypical children as well.

~dan, father of 3 spec needs kids; one w/autism, one with AS; one with two brothers on the spectrum.

[Felicity Margolis]

Fantastic to see that this helpful book is being brought to the public eye. Parents of special needs children are often really desperate to find out how to enable their child to cope with the very challenging school day. As the parent of four youngsters with Asperger's Syndrome, all of whom started off in the confusing world of mainstream schooling, I'd have really welcomed practical advice like this. Very well done.

[diana]

Very clearly written and helpful article - as a supply teacher I am aware I can be a problem for some pupils with Aspergers, (up there with the "chaos" of the dining hall). Though, some are mines of information, they are far less likely to bend the truth about whether the homework was due in and where it should be stored (not to mention what the weather was like last time I covered for their teacher)

[Clare Lawrence]

The book has lots of practical ways that parents can help a child with AS, both for themselves and working with the school. Although it doesn't address getting funding for SEN provision as this varies from country to country, it does look at ways of enhancing provision to make the whole school experience as positive as possible for the child with AS.

[Mary Woods]

The book looks really helpful for parents of aspergers syndrome children starting school. It is an anxious time for all parents but even more so for parents of children with special needs. Does the book cover SEN provision and how to access it?