13 things you should know before your child starts reception

Starting school can be an emotional time, and not just for your four-year-old. Here at School Gate, keen to help as usual, we have asked parents what they wish they had known before their son or daughter began "big school". Read and learn.....

1) Everything is transitory
Many of the parents I spoke to said that this was the most important thing of all. Your child will not cry every day when left at school, he or she will learn to read and learn to make friends, and so will you (that's the friends bit, you've already got the reading, I hope).

2) Don't feel you have to arrange play-dates straight away
Your child will probably be tired once he starts school - negotiating  a new environment can be exhausting. Don't overwhelm him with lots of after school activities or arrangements and give him time to relax.

3) Accept that you will have to make an effort too
This can be very difficult if you're shy, but your child needs you! Take an interest in what he's doing at school, speak to teachers if necessary and try to get along to some school events. It may mean a lot of juggling, but it will be worth it. You should also try to stick to school rules on uniform, homework, snacks etc.

4) Don't try and choose your child's friends
Your child's choice of friend is not up to you - don't decide which parents you do or don't like and then foist this upon them. It will almost certainly backfire. If you don't like the parents of a child your son or daughter has befriended, it doesn't matter, just be civil. Otherwise playdates may become a nightmare. You may also be stuck with these parents for the next seven years, so it's worth not falling out with anyone.

5) Find out which kids live closest to you and take the time to meet their parents
Good parent relationships are invaluable, especially when you find you are a) too ill to do the school run, or b) late picking up your child.

6) Realise that your children will change their friends easily
You may be thrilled when your daughter invites home a delightful child with beautiful manners and a lovely family. But if she then decides she doesn't actually want to be friends with her anymore, don't get stressed about it. Four and five year olds can be very fickle. They have a whole class to check out and are unlikely to stick with one child the whole year through.

7)  Realise that the decision regarding which school to go to doesn't end with your offer letter
One mum says that she really, really wishes she'd known this. Her niece was half-way through Year 1 when she was told that, because her name had been kept on the waiting list, she now had a place at a a top, very-hard-to-get-into primary which was less than five minutes walk from her house.  The niece is now happily attending this school, while her cousins, who had long come off the list, are still at a not-so-good school which is further away.

8) Don't get too stressed or feel that you are on show
It may well be true that you are, and that you are fearing the playground politics that will be inevitable, but you must try not to show it. Instead be positive and try to talk to other parents even if you are feeling horribly shy. They don't all know each other, although it sometimes seems like they do, and are probably as worried about whether their child is making friends/finding the toilet okay/fitting in, as you are!

9) Arrange playdates when your child is ready
When you think your child can manage it, do arrange playdates. It's a great way for to deepen friendships. You're doing this for them....

10) Do not involve yourself in other people's parties
Many children now invite the whole class to any birthday parties held in Reception, and, if you can afford/manage it, it's quite a good idea, especially as friendships change so quickly at this age. But some parents don't do this, and if your child is not invited to a party, accept this and don't turn it into a big deal.

11) Be prepared for no news
Many children tell their parents precisely nothing about what they do each day at school. This is absolutely normal. Don't push it by firing questions at them, it won't help. Instead wait until they are relaxed (maybe at bath time?) and then ask specifics ("Did you enjoy doing some painting today? What did you paint? Do you read the same stories at school as we do at home?"

12) Do care, but also try to get a thicker skin
You may be able to cope with people being horrible to you, but it's somehow much, much harder if you hear that someone is horrible to your child. However, children are often nasty and just as often they don't mean it. As long as it's not bullying, you may have to cultivate a thicker skin. Don't fly off the handle if your child tells you someone else was "horrible" to them or wouldn't play with them. Tomorrow they may well be best friends.

13) Label everything
Your child will constantly lose sweaters, lunch boxes and PE kit. Help them to find it by labelling it all as clearly as you can - shoes included.

And here are six practical tips:

1) Try to get in early for the first few days
Children can feel overwhelmed when walking into a class full of strangers. If this means you need to leave especially early, do so.

2) Have tissues at the ready for day one
They may be needed for your child, but more likely for you.

3) Make sure school shoes are comfortable and easy to put on and take off
New school shoes are a rite of passage, but often feel uncomfortable after weeks of holiday trainers and sandals. Perhaps go for sandals if allowed. (In any case you should buy shoes that are easily removed, so go for velcro rather than laces).

4) Cheer them up in the day
If you provide a snack or lunch for your child think about adding a surprise sticker or little drawing to give them a boost in the day.

5) Remember that this is for them - not for you.
You need to try and remain calm and positive and not show your fears - children easily pick up on these things.

6) Help get your child prepared with some basic toilet tips
Spend time teaching them how to get dressed and undressed (they will have to do this for PE) and also to go to the toilet and wipe their own bottom. This might be the best preparation you do!

Read our tips on going back to school, on starting school in Germany, and on making a happy transition to secondary school. And let us know what you think about the expense of school uniform!

Comments

[Erin Thomas]

I wasn't that I was "so well prepared". My daughter doesn't start until this September. I just think that suggesting to label clothing and bring tissues in case you get emotional is a bit, again, obvious.

I guess I just expect more than shallow, space-filler articles from the Times. My bad.

[Jesse]

Wrong, wrong, wrong Erin Thomas! I found this post very useful when my son started reception last September. I thought it very useful advice indeed, but good to know that you were so well prepared!

[Erin Thomas]

Obvious, obvious, obvious...

I wish the Times could use the space to print something a little more in-depth and of actual use. How about delving into the complexities of modern parenting instead of wasting their readers time with such feckless advice.

Catching this thread a bit late I agree with Helen's posting (4/9). As a full-time working mother with a child just started in Reception I am finding the whole process a nightmare.

I cannot do the school run at either end of the day and that means I have no opportunity to have any contact with my son's teacher. He won't tell me what he has done so I cannot support his learning at home. Just adds to the stress and guilt of working full-time. And no I have no option, as a single parent, to stay at home.

[mary p]

This is an article about things you should know before your child starts reception class NOT an article about everything you need to know about the schooling system in the UK.

This isnt really the place for a point saying 14. you don't have to send your child to school if you don't want to'.

That should be in a different article.

This was a good article listing some key things that parents should be aware of.

[Helen]

This is a useful article (my third child just started primary school) but it fails, entirely, to mention the complexities of being a working parent. School hours are very different from daycare/childminder hours!

Why not include some tips next time on how to manage working hours/childminders/afterschool clubs etc. because in my experience, that's the bit that causes the greatest stress for families?

[Susan]

I just sent my youngest into middle school (6th grade here in the States and a whole world apart from the cosiness that is elementary school). Your advice works for me too. The kids get older, schools get more complex there are whole new groups of kids and parents to meet and you realize that they really ARE all growing up... that box of tissues in the car comes in handy!

[Deb W]

I agree with those who have pointed out that Reception (and school in its entirety) is not compulsory. It is essential to know what your options are - and isn't knowledge and opportunity supposed to be what education is about? Parents who don't know the facts cannot make informed decisions. Being aware of *all* the options is empowering - and is most certainly relevant to an article about sending a child to school.

[sehar]

yes this is good info thx

[A mother]

I'm with Tracey M. I came down to the comments intending to write something along the lines of

14. If your child doesn't want to go to school, isn't enjoying it, or you aren't happy at the prospect, leave it for a term, a year or more before trying again. the compulsory age of full-time education in the UK is the term after the child's 5th birthday. The schools want to maximise funding so they try to get as many bums on seats as early as possible. But not all children are really ready at the convenience of the school/LEA policy, and parents shouldn't feel bullied or pressurised into sending their children to school till they are ready.

Education is an industry. The educationalists are very very good at the hard sell, but the needs of one's own children need to come first.

Worth just peeking through the looking glass at the Alice in Wonderland world of Home Education - it's getting more and more common!

[Claire]

Also most parents do not have the time or the wherewithal or indeed the wish to homeschool their children. I am not against it, far from it, but there are a lot of benefits for a child who goes to the RIGHT school; and I don't think that the article dealt with 'negative' aspects, more 'things that might be new or a challenge'.

[JM]

Since the vast majority of all UK children attend a Reception class in school,it is perfectly reasonable to write an article about starting school without mentioning the option of 'home schooling'. That is a completely different subject and really not relevant to this article!!

[Arthur Van Der Lae]

This is a a very helpful article and I wish that something similar was written when my kids started Reception.

The main to add is that school should be fun at this age....don't worry about league tables for a 4 or 5 year old.

[Tracy M]

Sadly omitted is the most important thing that parents should know, which is that they don't have to send their child to school in the first place. As the premise of this article is that parents will inevitably need to prepare for all the negative aspects of their child beginning school, isn't it only fair to offer them the solution to avoiding it all? Home education is a legal, valid and productive option in the UK. The law in England and Wales differs from Scotland, so check out the correct area info if the option resonates with you.