What can you do if your child hates school?

 

The school years can be challenging and if your child is struggling, it may be hard to know how to help. However, it's always helpful to know that you’re not alone.

A new book "What to Do When Your Child Hates School" gives advice on how to cope when you're in this kind of situation, as well as including experiences from both parents and experts. Here author Antonia Chitty shares some of the best tips for helping your child.

If school isn’t meeting your child’s needs:

Your child may be unhappy at school because their needs are not being met. If you suspect your child has special needs, talk to their class teacher and the school special educational needs co-ordinator (SENCO). The SENCO can give an opinion on whether your child needs a little extra  practice or whether the school should develop a plan for meeting their additional needs.  There are three steps in getting your child more help:
1. School Action: when you and the school decide your child needs more help. His progress should be monitored. If the extra support is not making enough difference you move onto …
2. School Action Plus: This involves help from outside the school, which could be from an educational psychologist, a speech and language therapist or a specialist teacher.
3. Statement of Special Educational Needs: If your child needs further help to make progress, consider applying to your local authority for a ‘Statement’. This explains your child’s needs and quantifies the amount of help they are entitled to.

If your child is being bullied:

Bullying is one of the most frequent problems that leads to a child hating school. Act swiftly if you find your child is being bullied, and encourage the school to be firm. One mother, Denise, talked to her son’s teacher when he had been kicked at playtime. The school held an assembly for the year group and also spoke to the individuals responsible. The problem did not recur.
Addressing problems at an early stage is not always possible. Children often conceal bullying through fear of reprisal. When you discover your child is being bullied, stay calm. Make sure your child knows they were right to tell you. Tell the school and ask them for their anti-bullying policy. Explain the problem, allow the school time to investigate, and ask to be told they will do to stop the bullying. Arrange follow up meetings to assess whether measures are working.

If your child is struggling due to family trauma:

The illness or death of a parent or sibling can leave a child distressed. They may worry about what will happen at home when they are at school, or feel that school is now unimportant. Whatever the situation, let the school know what is happening.  Take a balanced approach with attendance. Your child may need time off to work things through, but being at school can give then a chance to feel life is temporarily normal. Make sure that your child has the opportunity to talk a teacher or friend: this can help them make sense of confusing emotions. Some schools have counsellors or can put you in touch with a local service.

Working problems out with the school:

Whatever the problem, engage the school’s help in solving it. Start by talking to the class teacher informally. You may want to flag up the issue in advance so the teacher can find out what is going on. Mother of three and former school governor Belinda offers these tips for getting the most out of a meeting with the school:
• “Write a list of the topics you want to cover.
• Take a pen and notebook into the meeting with you and make notes.
• Do not lose your rag, it will help nobody.
• Summarise the meeting clearly using your notes.
• Get the head to agree an action plan.
• Follow it up in writing.
• If necessary copy in the Chairman of the Governors and the local authority.”

What to Do When Your Child Hates School by Antonia Chitty, is published by White Ladder Press.

Other Resources:

The Department for Children, Families and Schools, Anti-bullying Alliance, Childline, Child Bereavement Charity, Winston’s Wish (bereavement), Education Otherwise: Home Education Advisory Service, 
HE Special

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Comments

[E]

I don't think that the answer to bullying is simply to tell the school. I was bullied for five years and the only thing that got me through it were some good friends and very supportive parents. Talk to your child about why they think they're being bullied. Often it's jealousy and it can help a child to understand that. It doesn't make the problem go away but it makes it easier to ignore the taunts etc. It can also be that you're giving off an image of being a "victim" so help them resolve that. Find a sport they're good at to give them confidence in themselves. Often martial arts help as they teach you to know your own body and how to defend yourself if necessary (but not to attack). My mum and brother used sit with me for an hour every day after school and listen to me rant about how awful the children had been to me. They offered hugs and useful advice but never told me that I was wrong to be upset. They often made me laugh and allowed me to step back and realise that the problem wasn't as bad as I'd worked it up to be by myself in my head.

[AT]

This article comes nowhere near to saying it all. What about home education? If your child hates school, they don't have to go. It's not compulsory.

[Aishi]

This is a good article,I hated going to school when I was in 4th grade,my teacher would pick on me all the time cos I was bad at Maths,she was scary,it's bad that I didn't feel confident enough to discuss my problems with her and instead she created the distance between us by not being understanding and helpful.Got 'B' in GCSE Maths though!

[Simon]

Actually, this article does not say it all.

It says nothing about gaining health/medical assistance when the problem is psychologcal.

It says nothing about how to get the educators, social workers and medical advisors to work together in a co-ordinated way.

It says nothing about where parents should go when they find themselves at the end of their tether.

And there is no link to ParentLine.

[A mother]

Am somewhat flabbergasted that you say nowhere in the body of the article "and of course school is not compulsory, so if your child is hating it, you can always take them out and educate them at home, which lots of people do tremendously successfully and happily". But yay for the pertinent links :)

[Whimsey]

I wondered why no one was commenting on this, and then decided the article says it all really. Seems very sensible stuff on the whole.