What don't you want to find out on parents' evening?

It was parents' evening at my daughter's school this week. Luckily her teacher had only good things to say about her (lots of parental brownie points there), but I was a bit perturbed when I read her work. This was not because there was anything wrong with it - really. It just happened to contain an essay on "my family" which included the introductory line: "My mum (she's the one who's often cross) and my dad (he's a soft touch kind of a person)..." Now, while I admire my daughter's ability to write nicely, and to use brackets, I wasn't thrilled that she wrote these things at school. "Your family sound nice" wrote her teacher at the end of the page. Was she being just a little sarcastic?

It's not the first time that I've found parents' evening enlightening. Last year she wrote a piece entitled "My favourite person." Expecting this to be about me (she does tell me that I'm her number one, despite the crossness), I was surprised to see that she had actually drawn a picture of her dad and grandpa. Still, before I could feel really put-out, I read on.
"My favourite people are my daddy and grandpa because they are both a soft touch," she had written (do you spot a theme here?). It seems children have us sussed.

Still, this experience did make me wonder. What do we want our children to tell others about us? The truth or a sanitised alternative? And what do we want to find out about on parents' evening? This was a minor thing, but I have heard of parents coming home from these occasions shocked beyond belief at the portrait painted of their child. Should parents be warned of any major issues before parents' evening? Should children come along (they do at many schools now)? And should there be parents' evenings at all? There have been moves to dismantle the whole system. I wonder whether you think they are worth it.

Read School Gate on what you don't want to read on your child's report....

Comments

[Joe]

As a teacher I find parents evening valuable and feel offended when parents don't show up. Schools and parents need to reinforce the same values and standards and to support each other. I tell parents I won't believe what their children say about them if they won't believe what their kids say about me!

[Clare]

My five year old son's teacher thought we were an exceptionally hardy family when she read about a weekend camping expedition we'd made in the middle of November. We had managed a week in Devon in August ... I suppose that's quite similar really.
I remember making things up for my 'news' when I was at infant school. I got my first gold star for a fictitious account of a weekend spent at the fair - far more exciting than the reality of a Sunday walk in the country.

[Sarah Ebner]

Now you mention it, my daughter must have meant "assertive" after all! Thanks for that.

[ANN]

My beloved daughter told her entire class, in an essay about her family, that her mummy divorced her daddy because he kept having 'fairs'. Pictures of endless carousel rides and big wheels in the garden kept the class very intrigued!

[amy]

A child in my class proundly told me it was her mum's birthday at the weekend. I said how lovely, are you going to do someting nice. She replied that she was going to her dad's in the afternoon while her mum spent the afternoon in bed with her boyfriend! I got a bit more info than i bargained for!

[G Davies]

My dictionary defines 'soft touch' as someone who is giving and ready to oblige – sounds like a good role model for anyone.

Perhaps if mummy was 'assertive' rather than cross, it would make a perfect set of influences. ;)

[Meredith]

My mom stayed at home when I was young, but she worked quite hard as my Dad worked very long hours. Apparently, as a youngster, I drew a picture of her sitting in bed eating bon-bons to describe what she did during the day. She was not too pleased, but it must have showed my sense of humor. I'm sure I heard the phrase, "What? Do you think I sit around and eat bon-bons all day" somewhere in my childhood. ;) I love you, Mom.

[Morag]

Like Miss C, my parents were appalled (I was merely amused) when I got a large red See Me! at the end of my first essay at senior school. Entitled About Me, I started off by commenting that I was adopted. The teacher wanted to ask me if I had previously known my "real" parents - though if she'd read my essay properly, she'd have known the answer, given that I was about 3 months old when I was adopted!

It wasn't until I was in my thirties that I discovered my parents had gone to school and made a complaint against the teacher because of this intrusion.

[miss c]

Parent's evening is essential to check in on your childs progress.

The real issue here: I would question why teachers continue to wheddle out private family information and interactions (ie holidays) out of our children, entrusted to their care? So they can judge you, of course. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. It's absolutely none of their business what we did on our holidays. What mummy or daddy does for a living, etc.

*Obviously I'm not commenting on a disclosure of abuse which the teacher is required to report.

[Eric the Fish]

I remember being proudly shown a painting my 7 year old daughter had done at school "of her pony".
What pony?
And then there was a description of her bedroom, apparently with balcony, cinema and drinks machine . . . without mentioning that she loathed sharing with her sister.
I must have looked a bit surprised because her teacher murmered "excellent imagination" and just smiled.

[liam]

i heard story about a young boy who told the class he saw his mum and dad "sunbathing" on front of the fire! haha

[Laura Snapes]

Apparently, when I was 4, I returned to school after the Christmas holidays, and wrote in my "diary" that for Christmas, "daddy gave my mummy a red lacy swimming costume and some sexy knickers". And drew a picture. "Mummy" was not best pleased...

[Wanjun]

Yeah, a feedback from the teacher is quiet necessary. And a constructive advice, if be accepted, will be good for any child's grow. So, the parent's evening essential for further infomation about your children.

[Jos Costello]

I love parents evenings. It's when I can shock my girls' teachers by saying the things they have been thinking, i.e. that my older daughter is a big drama queen (pc term: sensitive) and that my younger daughter is a little know-it-all (pc term: asserts herself at question time). As a result I have very good relationships with their teachers because they know they can give me straight talk instead of waffle. At the end of the day they always say they could do with a few more like my girls, and that they must be very well supported at home (which is a joke - I work full time, do what I can and give my kids most of the credit). Hey, it works and there are never any surprises.

[Mrs V]

Our children's school has a policy of speaking to parents about any negative issues during the school year, rather than springing surprises on them at the parents' evenings! As a result,in our fifth year at the school, I haven't yet heard of anyone being upset by a parents' evening. At our first parents' evening, we were told that our four year old daughter needed to help more with tidying up! If that's the worst feedback.....!

[Rik]

Teachers spend a great deal of time with our children. I think it's good, once in a while, to sit down face to face with them and talk about the progress of your children, good or bad.

Its always nice when you hear good things about your children, of course, but equally importantly if there is an issue, a frank discussion is the first step to dealing with it.

[Hol]

Funnily enough at primary school I never attended these things (though my teacher gleefully told my mother she could now see where I get my facial expressions from) but at secondary school we were very much expected to participate. I'm not sure how much you really get out of the exercise unless there's a particular problem that needs to be discussed, but I suppose it's important to keep parents updated.

I don't think that my mother got to hear my thoughts/essays on family from any teachers, but I am told that as a youngster I used to announce (what was back then but not so much now) an embarrassing family fact loudly and in public. Lucky for her I grew much more tactful with age and thus won't detail it here - sorry Mum!!!

[Poppy's mum]

Your husband must really be a soft touch!

[Rachel]

I don't have children yet, but my mother tells me that she used to arrive at parents' evening to be confronted with pictures I had drawn of her in the pub. She never went to the pub, and hardly even drinks.