"Why isn't she Mary?" The perils of being a nativity play mum...

Many primary school age children don't know the story of the Nativity. But fear not - help is at hand. As reported in today's Times, new comic books, and indeed, an instant nativity play, can be downloaded to fill in the gaps.

But many children do still have nativity plays at their schools, and for some, parents as well as children, they are the highlight of the year. One mother I know still hugs herself at the thought of her son dressed as a snowflake, while another is put out that her school only has a Christmas concert, not a play.

My friend and colleague Jennifer Howze, editor of Alpha Mummy, is currently gearing up for her daughter's first school nativity play. And she's trying hard not to be a pushy nativity mum...

"It's happened. The note came from school saying my daughter needed a long-sleeve gold shirt, sparkly tights and some bits of tinsel for her hair. The nativity play had arrived, and she was going to be a star. With no lines. And I thought, Why isn't she a wise man or an angel? Why isn't she Mary? I had become THAT mum.

I would have let it drop. Except when my daughter and I talked over breakfast the next day, planning where we could find the tights and the bit of tinsel, another bit of information came to light. "The star is a very important part of the nativity play!" I said, in my best game-show host voice. "I'm not the main star," she replied, eating her toast. "That's Thomas. I'm another star."

Not THE star; A star. So she was not even the star that mutely waves over the wise men, but part of a star posse that stands around in the background, presumably making calls on their mobiles and ensuring the limo arrives.

She is, of course, perfectly happy being *another* star, along with her friend Frances. I was the one morphing into Gypsy Rose Lee's mother.

Which explains why I found myself in front of my daughter's teacher actually asking her, in as nonchalant a manner as I could muster, how they assigned the parts. And, erm, why didn't my daughter have any lines? She smiled sweetly. "Oh all the ones that take ballet classes are stars. We did that because they perform a dance in the play."

Oh. A dance. Well, that's pretty good. Especially considering how she loves to boogie around, pointing her toes and doing "floaty" arms.

So I calmed down. I chuckled to myself on the walk from the school gate - how silly, worrying that my daughter was somehow overlooked, her talents not appreciated, her star qualities relegated to "star" qualities. I vowed to put more faith in her teachers for recognising her abilities.

That night my daughter proudly told her father she was in the nativity play as a star. As she danced off across the sitting room, he turned to me and in a low voice said, "A star? Why isn't she Mary?"

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Comments

[jan]

45 years ago I was Mary in the Forces Primary School nativity play in Munsterlager. It was my finest hour, and shaped me to be a madly competitive control freak for life.

[Gary]

I met a little chap today that told me he was 'the spaceman' in his nativity play last week... which also included the Tellitubbies!

[Rusuty]

In my first Nativity play I was cast as a Japanese girl - I had bright red hair!

[Louise]

Oh, that brings back memories... My Primary 1 teacher made me and a boy she also disliked (for whatever reason) to play trees. So we had to cower in the background, hidden behind prickly fir branches... I know that not every girl can be Mary and not every boy Joseph, but even when you are only 6 years old you are aware of an act of deliberate humiliation...

[Sylvia]

Ah, I was once the Angel Gabriel, and after delivering the famous "I bring good news Mary you are to have a baby and you will call him Jesus" I stood at the back in a foil halo for the rest of the play. After that, I quietly requested a role in the offstage props painting department.

My year 2 teacher hated me and cast me as a tree with no lines. I had to stand silently at the back of the stage. Naturally I was crushed. Maybe we should opt for plays with more parts (even if they aren't necessarily religious)

[Grace]

My daughter became Mary because I had donated money to the school, I took no part in the activies. Other younger daughter became a scotish dancer a few years later - I had not donated any monies that year!

[Bev]

My youngest was given a speaking part but didn't want it and threw a tantrum, so tonight I get the pleasure of watching him in his role as props man.

[eliie]

lol.... i just have one question. what abuot the kids who arent christian? wouldnt they feel strange if their school is doing a play from the BIBLE? i think schools should put things like that into consideration =) there are other christmas stories that fits everyones religion. like the Grinch. lol. or

[Paul]

Angela, I hope you're not a former teacher of English. Your first sentence "As an ex-teacher, the nativity play is a nightmare" is buttock-clenchingly bad grammar. Aren't even primary school teachers required to have a basic command of their own language any more?

[Sue (retired teacher)]

The Bible doesn't say there are 3 wise men, nor does it limit the number of shepherds, so we always had enough parts..general discussion between shepherds and a celebratory dance (the boys loved the foot stamping & clapping.Lots of angels (remember that God's named messenger angels in the Bible are aways male!)..the star..and wise men from a variety of far eastern countries. Plus innkeepers and wives various. Not forgetting Mary and Joseph. So what's the problem??

[Scarlett]

Our Grade One teacher assigned the Nativity play parts by lot, and I got cast as one of a host of non-speaking angels who stood silently at the sides of the stage - as a distinctly diva-ish six-year-old, I was *furious* about it, scowled through the whole thing and probably made the least angelic angel in nativity play history!

All in all, I think it would have been more fun to be Postman Pat...

[Angela]

As an ex-teacher, the nativity play is a nightmare. Too few parts, too many children (with accompanying ambitious parents). All the good parts have easy costumes and the rest require fiendishly difficult animalia. No parent wants to make a donkey costume from scratch. The stable ends up more like Noah's Ark - one year we even had a Dorothy the Dinosaur looming over the Baby Jesus. The Twelve Days of Christmas as a pantomime is so much easier. It can easily occupy a couple of kindergarten classes and everyone gets to sing a line and dance a bit at the front of the stage. It may not be strictly Christian but it generates a great deal more goodwill.

[Jen]

I was Herod in our school Nativity play - my Mum was initially horrified when I cam home and told her, even though I had auditioned for the part!

[Suzanna]

I never fail to be amazed at the lengths some schools will go to in order to create enough parts in the nativity play for all the children. I'll never forget the day my son came home and told me that he would be playing Postman Pat...

[Jasmine]

I distinctly remember my mother facing the very same disappointment when i told her i was going to be a tree in my school Xmas play. Of course her fury abated when she saw that my role as a tree meant i was on stage for the WHOLE show and that i got a solo dance at the beginning and end - also because i too had ballet lessons!

[Frankie]

I was a proud mother the day my son played Joseph, however, it soon turned to embarrassment when he nagged Mary about how to hold the baby, (thankfully a doll) and finally snatched it from her halfway through the play. This year he is a lion in that other well know Christmas play, The Lion King??

[Rik]

All things considered, the Nativity story isn't ideal "class play" material due to the lack of main speaking parts. The many cunning ways schools find to create "special" parts for all participants is a marvel to behold and part of the charm. Long may the tradition continue! (my record: twice as a shepherd once as a Wise Man)

[Ceris]

That's very funny, I remember every year I was always a star but when i was finally Mary she was very happy!

[Theatrefolk]

Thanks for my chuckle of the day.

[Lauren]

Haha, good article - reminds me of my nativity play in primary school.

And Willem...it's a light hearted article, chill out lol!

[willem kuling]

GETA LIFE...stop trying to live vicariously through your children!!! real life isn't XFACTOR.