The law of Billy (no mates)

Last Saturday I examined why friendships formed at work – “workships” as some call them - are so difficult to sustain beyond the office, and received some intriguing responses. One reader wrote in enquiring whether companies really do, as I mentioned, have so-called "non-fraternization" policies in place to stop employees developing friendships outside the office. I could barely believe it when I read it either, but they really do. Some businesses apparently even put up posters encouraging staff to grass each other up – though it remains unclear how transgressions would be defined. Where would you draw the line? A drink after work? A smile across a supermarket aisle?

There was also a rather sad and touching e-mail from someone who said he was surprised to hit retirement and realise, at the end of his career, that he had no work friends at all. He had loads when he started but when it all ended there was no one. Being an academic, he put forward a variety of explanations, in addition to my theories, but missed the actual reason: the law of Billy (no mates).

The law of Billy (no mates) states, simply, that the longer you stay at a company, the fewer friends you have. This is because when you join an organisation, you are inevitably taken out for drinks by people, and inevitably invite other people out for drinks, but over time you develop friendships, get lazy, get busy, and eventually get so jaded and/or bitter that you can’t face having drinks with excitable new arrivals even if they ask you. At the same time, your existing mates gradually leave or die or grow to hate you and before you know it you’ve been at a company for 40 years and you’re having a retirement party where you don’t recognise anyone, including the boss or yourself. There are only two solutions: remain upbeat and sociable or leave jobs at regular intervals.

Read Carly's blog on how to tell friends from colleagues

Comments

[Sorab Shroff]

I'm gay, and found it tough to make friends at university as I went to a university with some pretty old-fashioned people. But working in New Media has meant I have made so many real friends at work. Of course it depends where you work, but for me, working in an open company has literally made me happier as I have met some really interesting, warm people, that turned out to be my friends.