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Buzzwords and bingo - no.7

This happened to me in a meeting recently. I have to tell somebody.

I asked for the following:

"Within reason and where there is a clear case for doing so - we should be able to make changes in the build phase"

And this is what the project manager put in the final document:

"Following sign-off of this document, the Requirements will be baselined and subject to change control procedures. Small changes to these requirements which emerge during the development phase will be addressed collaboratively with the Business sponsors through a process of reprioritisation. This approach will protect delivery deadlines"

Why use two lines when you can use six? Is it me?

Lessons in brown-nosing (part two)

Carly, as well as being a top-notch brown-noser for adding to the blog on Christmas Day, is also missing a trick. Or is she pulling a fast one? I think we should be told, and I should get all the brownie points for being a clever-dick-swottie-pants. Assuming for a moment that butter would NOT melt in Carly's mouth, she should know how easy it is to write a posting, and then set a timer that sees it actually published at a later date. What easier way of impressing the boss by making it look as if you were working on Christmas Day when actually you were hard at it with the Chardonnay having pre-scribbled some old nonsense? Unless you are rumbled, of course.

And if you have been, you might be interested in this job spec. Tips galore for brown-nosing of a more successful variety. Ish.

PS I have posted this in "strategy" because I really am at work in the dog days between Christmas and New Year. And I am loving every minute of it. What a super idea of the boss to give me this fantiastic opportunity to leverage my own little brand to the greater good of our wonderful company and its inspired and generous leadership team. 

It's Christmas Day and I'm working

I don't have to save people's lives or keep vital infrastructure running but I'm still working today. Are you? And does this mean that it's time to join the 12-step programme at Workaholics Anonymous?

PS some of you may have noticed that I have categorised this post under "strategy". This is because I am doing this to impress my boss.

12 e-cards for Christmas

Environmentally-aware folks have ditched quill and ink in favour of e-cards this year. Here at Snakes and Ladders we have collected together our 12 favourites for you to enjoy:

How to deal with those pesky people at work

If it wasn't for people, it would be so easy to run an organisation. You'd run through your SWOT (strengths, weaknesses. opportunities and threats) analysis, design and create your product and put together your marketing and advertising strategy. Then press the button and bingo, you'd be top of the pile before you can say Jack Welch.

But you can never account for people. Despite your best laid plans, they always get in the way. There are always people who think they know better than you and will ignore you and your plans and choose to set off on some solo path far away from your original vision.

This is where you need Terry Tate, the office linebacker. Apologies to those in the US who are familiar with Terry - but for the rest of the world - here is the missing element on your career route to global domination.

The next time John in marketing commissions a creative that is diametrically opposed to your concept, don't get mad, get Terry Tate*.

* Don't try this at home.

What to buy the accountant in your life for Christmas

Finally, evidence that accountants are just like the rest of us: research by business-to-business publisher Sift Media found that bean-counters' favourite gadget is the Nintendo Wii. Small business owners want an iPod Touch while HR managers want the fancy new iPod AND an Xbox 360.

Read more about top tech toys in Carol's post from last month.

Your child can't draw

The Times' Arts Editor, Alex O'Connell, wrote a highly entertaining feature for T2 yesterday about Dan Crowe, former editor of the now-defunct literary magazine Zem-bla, who has set up a company, Kinbote’s Bespoke Art Commentary Service, which passes critical comments on the artistic works of children.

Apparently, parents e-mail him a j-peg of their child’s art work, the child answers a series of questions (What is the painting of? What are her aspirations? What does she like to do?) and Crowe returns a mini-essay that compliments and complements the picture. The daubings of Alex's own three-year-old daughter were deemed “highly sophisticated” and "rather Fauvist", and Snakes & Ladders would agree entirely.

But not everyone is so generous towards kiddie art. Here's someone who has been driven to distraction by pictures displayed by proud parents in offices. The site isn't brand new, but great art criticism, like great art, never dates. (Warning: the page contains strong language - don't click through if you're easily offended, or if you have an aversion to bright colours and scrawling...)

Buzzwords and bingo - no.6

Leadagement

"The basic principles of MANAGEMENT and those of LEADERSHIP practices are easily reducible to CONCEPTS that can become synthesised in the wholistic system of LEADAGEMENT, which hopefully indue course give us LEADAGERS: the dynamic Leader-Managers or Manager-Leaders of tomorrow," says BISIKAY director of the Global LEADAGEMENT Institute in London. (The capitals are all his, not mine)

Bisikay's comment is one of many, many, many comments on management guru Gary Hamel's recent blog entitled "What is management's moonshot?" by which he means "How would you reinvent management?"

Christmas is a (psychometric) testing time

We know that entrepreneurs and businesspeople plan to work right through Christmas (thanks, Carol) but what's perhaps less well-known is that plenty of everyday employees spend at least part of the 25th logged on to online job boards in search of new professional homes. (A recruitment consultant told me this a while ago, though for the life of me I can't remember his name so I can't give him credit - sorry).

Top lists for the rich, stupid and slack

Snakes and Ladders is bracing itself for a deluge of traffic this week after a survey showed that one in three employees have mentally switched off work in favour of logging on to the web.

Although technically at work, it appears many of you are counting down the days to Christmas by; shopping, indulging in long lunches and faffing around on the internet, rather than doing any real graft, according to a poll of 2,500 people by Teletext Holidays.

However, some particularly splendid faffing around by one of our colleagues (Thanks, Mike) has revealed two neat follow-ups to my post on ten totally stupid business ideas that made someone rich, which you may remember included such classics as Doggles and plastic wishbones.