The Apprentice: week 6

You might not want to work for him, but there's no denying that Sir Alan's still got it. The man with the most famous forefinger in Britain appears in the Sunday Times Rich List at number 92, worth £830m.

Week 6 is when The Apprentice starts to get interesting. Of the original 16 candidates, five have fallen in the firing line to leave a more manageable cast of wannabees. The top prize may still be a long way off, but we can see the surviving contestants begin to glimpse success on the horizon. Prepare to watch the competitive frenzy reach new heights...or should that be lows?

It's more fun for viewers, too: we know them well enough now to start arguing about our favourites. Alex: charming salesman or snake in the grass? Lucinda - ditzy aromatherapist or shrewd businesswoman? As ever, we welcome your comments.

So, week 6. Billed as the strangest task yet, tonight the candidates are asked to come up with a new 'special occasion' and make commemorative cards to mark it.

We've had a few ideas of our own...National Ego Day, anyone?

9.05pm The candidates are given a 6.30am wake up call to be dragged to Hackney Town Hall, the London borough where Sir Alan established his first business. His birth and marriage were registered here, and if they make his blood pressure rise any further his death might be too...this seems to be going off on a bit of a tangent...

Oh I see, it's his clunking way to say that they are occasions that merit a card...and the task is to dream up a brand new occasion to pitch to three of Britain's biggest retailers.

9.07pm Michael, the miserable looking one with a posh accent, is hauled up to be team leader. "Complete lateral thinking is imperative," he says grandiosely. Then: "there's no one I wouldn't screw over to win the Apprentice." Might want to keep that one quiet for now, love.

Uncanny echoes coming from Renaissance leader Kevin: "By the age of 23 I had my first Porsche; now I want a Ferrari. I'll do anything I can to be the best businessman the world has ever seen by the age of 40." God, it's like they breed them or something.

9.08pm Some hilarious ideas coming out here. My favourite is 'cosmetic surgery' cards - "Congratulations on your Boob Job". "Environment cards" seem equally dubious - aren't greetings cards made of paper?

9.15pm The teams settle on "National Singles' Day" and "Save the Planet Week". If you listen carefully, you can hear the faint sound of Mr Hallmark turning in his grave...

9.24pm How can people who purport to know so much spend so long arguing over apostrophes?

9.26pm They're still arguing, so they call the "editorial department" of the Telegraph. And the British Library. It's serious stuff.

9.27pm Yep, still arguing. How much time are they wasting on this?

9.32pm Erm, three and a half hours. No, I don't believe it either, but voiceover man told us. Kevin - accused of displaying 'short man syndrome' by Claire, still has to start work on his pitch. Meanwhile Alpha's Raef tosses his regal mane and looks smug. But it's still anyone's call who's going to win.

9.35pm "It's not just a card; it's an industry and a diary entry," Raef declares. I wish I could bottle his nerve, I'd make a bladdy fortune, as Sir Alan might say.

The man's good, there's no denying it. But wait: "I think you've missed the point", says one retailer icily. Ouch. The team tried - somewhat logically - to go head to head with St Valentine's Day by proposing February 13 as National Singles' Day. But in a month when 40 per cent of the store is given over to pink and love messages, it's a singularly bad call. The next retailer doesn't only dislike the date, he doesn't buy the idea. "And you think people want to celebrate being single?" he scoffs.

9.38pm "Bathe less shower more", is the "green" team's slogan. Do you think that's going to make people smile?" asks a female retailer doubtfully. Kevin tries to rescue the situation by making wildly over the top claims, comparing Clinton Cards to, er, the US in its track record for environmental negligence. It's looking bad. Very bad.

9.42pm Kevin is on his high horse in the boardroom preaching the green cause and he's teetering wildly...

Alpha storm their way to victory thanks to a giant sale of 19,500 cards to one store. Margaret looks shocked. Win? How dare they.

9.45pm What's Myleene Klass doing on The Apprentice? I'm confused. Are we on I'm a Celebrity...?

9.48pm What's to blame: the concept or the pitch? Or is it possibly the fact that cards just aren't that green? Sir Alan throws in some bizarre suggestions for messages he would have preferred. 'Sorry to hear that your 11-year-old child got kicked in the head by a hoody'? Something tells me all the business experience in the world ain't gonna sell that one, Sir Alan.

9.50pm Sara's getting bullied from all sides, and Sugar doesn't like it one bit. "The Sara Appreciation Society we got 'ere," he says with a raised eyebrow. Scandal! Kevin decides to bring Sara back instead of Jenny, who had the disastrous environment idea in the first place. It's got to be Kevin (pictured) now, surely.

9.54pm Phew. The most easily justified boardroom sacking by a long way. "He talked himself into his departure, in my book," says Nick, the resident sage.

9.56pm Back at the house, the speculation over who'll come back descends into a nasty argument when Sara and nine-lives Claire re enter. Contestants are split between those who agree with Kevin's sacking and those who wanted to see Sara go, although it's still not clear what she's done wrong, apart from being a bit less mouthy than the rest of them.

Raef is rapidly emerging as the programme's hero. "The decision has been made," he says authoritatively. "I don't see the point in firing questions." Hear hear. One for the hiring line, perhaps?

(Picture from BBC's The Apprentice website)

Comments

[Jana]

Is it me or are there so many bullies this year? Lucinda and Sara are definitely being bulied or do the candidates think they are threats. I used to like Alex, disappointed that Kevin went with the crowd but Helene, Clare, Jenny (Cel)and Alex have shown that they are bullies with Alex, Clare and Jenny (Cel) in the same gang can't wait to see them turn against each other when there is no outsider to gand in their team :)

[Emby]

Alpha team's understanding of grammar, or is Alpha teams' or possibly Alpha teams understanding of grammar, may not be up to much, but for all the debate over singles' it was Kevin Shaw(t) that rightly needed a double or two after the boardroom.

[Sam]

He was worth £800 million twenty years ago. What has he done since then?

[Paul]

Kevin screwed himself when he very weakly (Nick got that very right on Beeb2) joined in the open season on Sara rather than going for the simple tap in which was the stroppy, big chinned ginger bird (is she related to Brucie?). Didn't see much of Jenny which is a shame because I've still got a strange fancy going on there.... though I think she and Helene need splitting up to save wear and tear on Lucinda.

[Bhavina Maistry]

Poor ideas from both teams, although National Single's Day (note the autograph) is a lot more appealing than the idea of buying cards to make people stop buying cards.

Not that am a connaisseur, but did anyone else think that they were watching big brother in the house yesterday?? What's with the geezer, who I dare say, tried to impersonate Sir Alan Sugar when speaking to Saira:
"If 4 of the 5 people say you didn't contribute, what are you doing on this couch?!"

If I were Saira, my reply would be "You ain't paying for that couch mate, I don't have to answer to you!"

Thank God for Raef, knight in shining armour!

[lorena little]

Isn't it about time Sir Alan looked at a slightly older apprentice rather than ones who have no man managment skills very little loyalty and common sense is sadly lacking in all the candidates. Week after week I stand back in amazement that this is the best of the candidates, ruthlessness seems to be the only thing that counts. Ageism certainly must come into this programme and not reality when it comes to getting the job done experience goes a long way.

[Gus]

What a shower - very few of them would make the grade for a junior position let alone management positions. Getting more like Big Brother every day. Lucinda is possibly the best of what is a very poor bunch - are these really the best of 20,000 applicants?????

[Tessa]

I for one am glad that gobsh*te Kevin has gone... he didn't and couldn't, even talk a good game!

But I can't help feeling we have all been duped once again and that Sir Alan has really let his perspective/control slip... for we are purely in the hands of the production/editing team who are plainly after maximum ratings and Thursday morning headlines by 'hiring' USELESS individuals who look goodish but come across so well in a car crash tv sort of way.

Again, grrrrrrrrrrrrr!

[Average Joe]

Every time I see this show I cringe and cant beleive these people, they mostly com across as sell their souls to devil estate agent types.
Horrible that I have to see people like this on tv. Why is this garbage on tv? As for Alan Sugar, I just dont know what to make of him. Looks like he made his money and is still enjoying what most other people hate in working with all these clowns.