Snakes and Ladders - Times Online - WBLG

Another utterly ridiculous team building idea

There are no castanets in my professional life. As I am not a dancer, a children's television presenter or some sort of flamenco-styled stripper, this is entirely normal. And, as my idea of team building revolves around several glasses of red wine after work, it's also unlikely to change.

But any poor sods whose bosses believe that extravagant out-of-office events engender collegiate morale might soon find themselves clicking their little wooden discs while workmates rumba around them. Yes, it's time to add dancing (line, belly, salsa - there's a multitude of embarrassing options) to horse-whispering, gorilla watching and all the other ridiculous activities that are supposed to turn teams of employees from individualistic back-stabbing gossips into hard-working, supportive colleagues who like nothing more than a group hug.

Pah.

Worth 50 points (at least)

Picture the scene: two men in grey suits are talking earnestly. Each is trying to impress upon the other that they know the most about the business of business. "We must increase our margins," says one. "We must drive profit share," the other agrees, nodding hard.

But suit A cannot leave it there: "We must deepen wallet share," he says triumphantly.

Yes boys, well done. Can you imagine a woman coming out with such twaddle? "Purse share" doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

The Apprentice: week 10

Sir Alan's decision last week to sack Raef and stick with Michael didn't go down well in all quarters; it seems that the posh boy had a bit of a following out there, although perhaps not always for his business abilities. But it's too soon to berate the boss for his decision: remember that we're only seeing an edited version of the apprentices' capabilites, while Big Al gets a much fuller picture. Michael and Alex might have a lot more going for them than we're seeing at the moment. After all, Lucinda went from loser to leader in the space of a couple of episodes.

Keep reading to see what the remaining contenders can do when they're actually SUPPOSED to behave like car salesmen...

The Apprentice: this week on Tuesday, not Wednesday

Slight change of plan: the BBC will be showing the next episode of The Apprentice tonight, Tuesday, rather than Wednesday. I hope that no avid viewers now have to cancel dinner parties or otherwise get out of social engagements so that they can watch the latest execution.

Join me at 9 to see who gets the chop this time around. I'd tell you who I most want to go, but I can't quite decide - firing one means that the other five get to stick around longer. Pah. I vote Margaret to win.

Jump off the wheel

Now's the time for those of you feeling downtrodden by the daily grind (not to mention the prospect of a rain-sodden bank holiday) to put those feelings of dark despair to better use and start working for yourself, Fast Company (May) reports.

Why? Well, to be able to out-smug your friends and former colleagues for a start. Self-employed people are significantly more satisfied with their work even if they earn less according to a meta analysis of 57 studies by Mirjam van Praag and Peter Versloot in Small Business Economics. If you do bite the bullet and all goes swimmingly, the move should literally pay off because the most successful entrepreneurs earn more than their less adventurous corporate counterparts.

Graph heaven

This is a totally mad website dedicated to graphs. For management consultants everywhere who get slightly nervous when detached from a PPT file. http:/graphjam.com. Enjoy.

The Apprentice: week 9

And then there were seven. Can it really be nine weeks since the candidates first bragged their way on to our screens, selling lobster for £4.90 and arguing whether whitebait was a haddock?

So, tissues. Not the most inspiring product to come up with an advertising campaign for, granted. But, what they lack in common sense they make up for in bitchiness, and what better way to unleash the full extent of the loathing than a brainstorming task?

The mother of all teambuilding events

"Extreme corporate bonding". It sounds like the kind of thing that happens once a year - at the office Christmas party. But actually, it's the name for a new breed of team-building exercises that companies are using to get the best out of their employees, reports Fortune (May 26).

Each year, 200 employees at Seagate Technology, a technology company, take part in Eco Seagate, the $2 million "mother of all teambuilding events", involving months of preparation for activities such as adventure racing and scaling cliff faces in places as far away as Hong Kong and Northern Ireland.

Apprentice fan pays for her addiction

Much as it pains me to point you towards a competitor but this story is a wake up call for any hardened Apprentice fans who are considering downloading the programme on to their computers.

A British lawyer, holidaying in France, downloaded several TV programmes including her favourite, The Apprentice, via the BBC's iPlayer service using her 3G card. Her mobile company subsequently charged her £4,900 for her viewing pleasure. Ironically she could have used her hotel's wi-fi service for just 15 euros a day.

As Sir A would say: "bladdy ridiculous".

Save yourself the money and read our Apprentice Blog here.

Not in Office Life (and some Morris Dancers)

Three cheers for the Armed Forces. They do a really great job, going to places we don't want to go to and doing things we don't want to do. And they might die. They deserve all possible credit. So hooray for Government plans, outlined on this webpage, and all the efforts of Quentin Davies, the MP, who has made it his business to cheer on our servicemen and servicewomen.

The trouble, surely, is that the people who run to lifeboats are heroes too. And firemen, police officers, doctors, nurses, and teachers. If soldiers deserve a special day for public recognition, surely all these other group do as well? We should also appreciate the voluntary workers - mums and dads, neighbours and friends. There are plenty of people working in the private sector who deserve praise for improving the lives of others.