The Apprentice: week 9

And then there were seven. Can it really be nine weeks since the candidates first bragged their way on to our screens, selling lobster for £4.90 and arguing whether whitebait was a haddock?

So, tissues. Not the most inspiring product to come up with an advertising campaign for, granted. But, what they lack in common sense they make up for in bitchiness, and what better way to unleash the full extent of the loathing than a brainstorming task?

9pm Ooh, Alex is called up to be project manager. Does this mean he's going to have to actually, gasp, do something? Instead of just moan about it, which seems to be his usual contribution.

9.10pm "We could call our brand 'snot'". Literal-minded Lee looks pleased with himself, but among the team it goes down like....a snot-filled balloon?

9.15pm Lucinda thinks they should use 'shock tactics' to brand their tissues. Well, some of her ideas are pretty shocking, but I'm not sure that's what she means.

9.17pm It's the clash of the Am Drams: Michael once acted in Oliver; Raef in Guys & Dolls, which obviously qualifies them to direct the tissue commercial. Aspiring youngsters: don't worry. If you don't make it, there's always reality TV.

9.20pm Director Alex is going down the 'sick child needs a tissue' route, cue excruciatingly over the top family actors. Lucinda is displaying a hitherto unseen withering streak. "Who wants to hear about a normal bog standard family with a kid who goes off the school? Watch Neighbours!"

9.25pm Renaissance are banking on erstwhile weather girl Sian Lloyd to boost their brand. Meanwhile, the Raef-Michael song singing love-in continues. Is it it just me, or is there some underlying chemistry between these two?

Claire comes back with a tasteful blue and green design, while 'Atishu' looks more like a cornflake packet. "I"m er, trying to get the message across, like, er, family, blankets." Alex seems a bit lost, cue a prompt telling off. "Naughty, naughty, naughty," chides Lucinda. Goodness.

9.30pm Is there anything Raef couldn't charm his way out of? "You're so wholesome," he reassures a bemused Sian LLoyd. "If they'd Googled me perhaps they wouldn't think I was so wholesome," she smirks. Ooh err.

As Nick points out, asking a weathergirl to act as a mother in order to advertise tissues does seem a slightly bizarre alliance, but the team remains refreshingly calm. It's anyone's guess who's going to take this one.

9.32pm "Me and Michael have a symbiotic relationship... we feed off each other. But I will say no. I can put my foot down," Raef explains. Well at least we know who wears the trousers.

9.40pm The team have to present their advert to a collection of top advertisers and one surprise guest...Sir Alan, who is smirking already. In the auditorium, a cache of achingly  hip creatives look like coyotes waiting for dinner to be brought out to them. "The advert encapsulates the relationship between mother and son...boy and girl...people with tissues," Helene explains. Riiiight.

Meanwhile, it's anyone's guess what Lee is trying to say: "The mother community is proven in the female genre to be one of the highest demographics in buying facial tissues." It's wince-worthy stuff, but surely somewhat unfair of the team to ask Lee, perhaps the least gifted speaker in the group, to present?

Yes, it gets worse. Atishu is hands down the worst commercial in the history of television. At least the other team's Boyzone/Sian Lloyd combo is entertaining. But who's won? I still wouldn't put money on either of them.

9.50pm Goodness. Seeing past Lee's garbled presentation, the advertisers went for the garish Atishu - because, to its credit, it talked a lot about tissues. Sir Alan looks pained though - for all 'I love tissues'' ad's irrelevance, the teamwork was impeccable.

Magnanimous Raef lays down the law: no fireworks in the boardroom. "We've been unified and we're going to stay unified."

The ad is deemed a little too highbrow for its audience, something Michael and Raef seem quite proud of.

"I didn't send you out to make a remake of Ben Ur," scoffs Sir Alan. "I love my tissues. Who loves tissues? Do you love your washing up liquid?"

9.51pm They're getting better at taking blame, though. "It was my idea, Sir Alan," says a contrite Claire. A ruse to save their own skin? Well, it seems to be working.

Raef doesn't seem to be abiding by the 'no backstabbing' rule. As he asks three to come back in, Sir Alan's looking wearied at the prospect of another Claire showdown. "She will get her 500 rounds of bullshit out and stick it in her AK47." Say what you like, the man's certainly got a way with words.

9.55pm Uh oh, trouble in paradise. "Everything you like about this advert came from me," says Michael. What?

Even princely Raef won't stand for that. "What on earth are you talking about?" he asks, astonished. But his calm seems to be rapidly slipping away.

9.55pm Raef compares Michael to a rat.

9.56pm "But where were the bladdy tissues?" Sir Alan's a logical man - they should have seen this coming.

9.57pm Shock! Surprise firing of Raef, and barely an explanation beyond 'you're a lot of hot air'. Sir Alan looks unconvinced, I'm unconvinced. The show's lost one of its key characters, and a legion of floppy haired fans across the nation mourn. At least they can take comfort in the fact that if any of the candidates seems destined for a post-Apprentice TV career, it's Raef. As they say in the theatre, the show must go on.

Comments

[Mimi]

Boo hoooo Raef has gone. I thought the hot air merchant was Michael. Why is he still there?

I need Raef (and his tissues) here right now. I'll be the judge what he's full of.

p.s. I usually go for blond and blue eyed guys but at my age one can't be too fussy.

[Beth]

I was horrified the wonderful Raef was fired, WHAT IS MICHAEL STILL DOING THERE? Raef's charming, smart and seems like a genuinely decent bloke - what on earth was Sir Alan thinking?? If he wants a slimy, two-faced, useless apprentice, he's certainly found one with Michael. Going to have to be Lucinda to win now!

[Ian]

Aaargh! If this is the best and brightest of Britain I am off elsewhere!

The adverts were awful; no concept that any advertising agency worth their salt would touch... sorry, no concept at all.

Still a bit shocked that Michael 'The rat' Sophocles has managed to wriggled out of getting fired again.

[Michael]

Thank-you Timesonline for ruining my viewing of the Apprentice on i-player tonight with your front-page announcement of the result. Although you are not the guiltiest party. Obviously the powers that be at the BBC consider the Apprentice as too high brow for us football fans, as they consistently pitch their flagship show against the Champions League. I am utterly frustrated, and I'm off to drink vast amouts of ale and riot in the streets. Just like the BBC thinks I should.

[marc zander]

As head of marketing for Kleenex in the UK it was really interesting to watch the Apprentice yesterday. Obviously we got a lot of ribbing from our sales team following last weeks episode, warning us that if the apprentices came up with better advertising ideas than ours, then….we would be FIRED.

The program highlighted some of the challenges we face on a day to day basis in terms of communicating our brand messages in an interesting and impactful way

The Renaissance team’s Ad really was awful creatively but the heavy focus on packshot and branding was always going to be loved by Sir Alan ( it is really surprising that the teams did not take the learnings from the previous series where his comments were exactly the same). The brand name ‘Atishoo’ was, good immediately linking the brand to the product itself. Whilst the ad mentioned the unique feature of the product ( Anti-bacterial) several times unfortunately they didn’t explain the benefit of this for us as a consumer which is key in all advertising. And the end was very weak- the pack visibility was good but they should have also had a verbal endline to summarise the key message.

The Alpha ad was much better creatively but missed the mark on every other element. There was no branding, no packshot, no mention of the unique benefit ( what does comfort have to do with anti-bacterial?), wiping tears is a very niche use for tissues and again has no relevance with the product benefit. The celebrity had no relevance to the ad and in reality would be an expensive waste of money. The one interesting area of the ad was the strap line ‘the start of a beautiful relationship’ and the idea of giving a more emotional feel to tissues than purely a functional rational one – this is exactly what we are doing with our ‘Let it out’ sofa campaign, but this is a strategy that probably should be used for established brands rather than new brands to the category.

From a marketing perspective based on last night I would hire Claire : she came up with a nice pack design which would fit well in home ( a key consideration in this market) , a solid print ad and challenged the lack of pack and branding in her teams TV ad
The person I ( and I think most people in the country) would fire is Mike – He really is useless and has used up more than his 9 lives !!

Finally I am relieved as our sales team finally realise that marketing is not as easy as they thought and no-one is recommending we get fired !!

[Maria]

Raef was a magnanimous,intelligent and honest team-player who always gelled the team he was put into. He came up with several of the ideas over the past weeks which resulted in a win. He never had a hidden agenda and never stepped on anyone else. It seems to be politically incorrect to keep a man of such integrity.... because of his accent. We now have an upside-down class system. And that's perfectly fine.

[jailhouselawyer]

The arrogant barsteward deserved all he got. When he thought everybody else was stupid, the truth is it is him that is too stupid to grasp the obvious.

Still, I would fire Sir Alan Sugar for his mistake in saying spar of soap instead of bar of soap...

[ic]

I think Sir Alan wants someone who is very like him. As we all know Raef is the complete opposite. so well, perhaps it is the likes of Michael who will win a place.

[Paul]

If only it had come a week later, the teams would have been clamouring for one J.Terry esq - sorted! Never mind, it's starting to look like Sophocles' name is on the cup as it were, and what a travesty that would be - his nasal whineover of his team's advert was excrutiating. I've no sympathy for Raef... his number was up the moment he stuck the photo on the mug upside down! So who's left??? No eye candy with the twin boiler line up of Helene and Claire up against Lucinda who looks (and acts) too much like someone's Mum! The three blokes are also a bunch of backstabbers. I'm tempted not to watch any more, but then I say that after every time I slow down passing a car crash!

[bushra]

argh! i'm getting so sick of people thanking timesonline for giving away the latest firing! what, is there supposed to be, a media blackout on who got fired so it won't get ruined for those who missed it? get over it, it's only the Apprentice, not 24!

[Carol Lewis]

Thanks Bushra - I say if you don't want to know the news then don't log on to a news site. Simple.

[John]

Please stop putting the name of the person fired in the headline! I was planning to watch it on BBCiplayer. Now you've ruined it!

[Alia]

Can't believe it!! Micheal was in the boardroom 3 times consecutively and still managed to not get fired. Why is Sir Alan giving him favours all the time! I want to stay in! Ok Micheal, I want to be project manager, Ok Micheal...what???! And saying Raef was lucky to having been in the boardroom only once before!! Micheal was in the boardroom so many times b/c he's the weakest link & should've been booted out! This has just ruined it for me, don't think I want to watch anymore.

[Jeanette Evans]

Oh dear! Sir Alan has blown it. The most sophisticated and show stopper of the lot got fired. Raef has got more to offer than Sir Alan and his aides can see. What input did Helene have as I saw nothing from her and as for Clare she is like the 21 gun salute can't stop her gob once she opens it. Can Sir Alan see himself working with her as his Apprentice. Clare is one big headache.Sadly there is no front runner and whoever wins well who cares.
Raef has a property porfolio and an export/import business.Did he really need to go on the apprentice? It looks like he is already succeeding.
We can all conclude from this serious there is hope for everyone.

[Caroline]

I REALLY liked Raef!

[Jana]

Talk about equal opportunities or lack of it? Why do some people get to stay when they've made more mistakes and others don't even get to project manage once or at least again before they are fired i.e. Shazia, Lindi, Jen (best sales lady), Sara, Raef. I guess if he's hiring them he's got to like 'em. The apprentice sends mixed messages at least now in business I will never be suprised anymore when I come across nasty bullies and not-so-competent folk: they do it 'cos they can get away with it.

Raef was fab and so was Sara - Lucinda has to win now or i'm switching off!

[oldasiahand]

This has become a total travesty with Sir Alan playing for the ratings. He saves the gobby, trashy, argumentative louts and dunps anyone with a modicum of thoughtfulness and honesty. This happens week after week and it is interesting to note that most weeks the public has not agreed with Sir Alan this year in Adrian child's programme.

[Michael]

I've just finished watching the show. Enjoyable, but tarnished by knowing the result.

To Bushra and Carol; I was not suggesting for one second that the Times didn't report the events of Apprentice. I was stating a hope that they could (perhaps should) have reported it a little more responsibly. Given that most of the nation was transfixed with the drama of a late finishing football match last night, I would imagine that significantly fewer people than usual actually managed to catch the Apprentice. I feel that the Times Online has let these people down by announcing the result on their home-page, when a simple link (for those wishing to know the result) would have sufficed.

As I stated in my earlier post, the main culprits here are the BBC. Why the show doesn't command a more prime-time slot is beyond me. Do ratings mean nothing to BBC executives? I'm sure if Alan Sugar was their boss they would matter.

To Marc Zander; thank-you for the insightful comment. A great read. Glad to hear your job is safe! :)

[Atishu sucks]

this is soo stupid

RAEF was amazing. This show is losing its credability. What is Alex still doing there he doesnt do anything. FIRE HIM

LUCINDA to WIN!!!

[Kim]

God knows how Sir Alan has made it so far in business if he is this astute towards people and their motives!

I can only assume that because (as everyone surmises) Sir Alan sees Michael as a younger version of himself that Sir Alan doesn't care about integrity, decency, honest, respect and the truth. Indeed, it would seem that Sir Alan admires the qualities above and one can only assume sees them in himself.

I was bitterly disappointed that, once again, Michael dodged the bullet by being a sycophantic little amoeba and devastated that the thoroughly decent and lovely Raef went.

Kim

[Carly Chynoweth]

I'll miss Raef too but I don't think it's fair to suggest that Sir A doesn't respect truth or integrity. Maybe he has stuck with Michael because he can see characteristics that don't come through in the edited version that hits our screens.

[Noreen]

I liked Raef. He wasn't the strongest contender but was a contender nontheless.
For all her gobiness - Claire does look like she can do a good job at whatever she sets out to do.
Lucinda is a good leader but probably not in the same team as Sir Alan.
Sir Alan will probably go for Lee or Claire.
WHAT IS MICHAEL STILL DOING THERE?????
My money is on Claire and somebody else... don't know who