Premier League final day commentary, from 1500BST

Here's a quandary: there are ten games of football that you want to see - nay, HAVE to see. But the in-laws are over for a barbecue, the sun is beaming down and you're not sure your ticker could take the strain anyway. What do you do?

Simple: get out your deckchair, put a hankie on your head, turn on the laptop and let us walk you through the minefield that is the final day of the Premier League season.

If you could be bothered to do the maths, you'd realise that millions, perhaps billions, of pounds are at stake over just 90 minutes. The TV payments, player wages, gambling slips - not to mention potential counselling bills for depression.

But that's not what it's really about, is it? It's the glory of trophies, the bragging rights, the pain of relegation and the realisation that for eight months next season you'll be trampling a beaten path to Carlisle instead of pootling on over to Arsenal.

Follow the afternoon's action as Manchester United and Chelsea attempt to wrest the trophy away from one another while Fulham, Birmingham and Reading tip-toe around the trapdoor.

Every mesmerising dribble, all the gobsmacking goals, the yellows, the reds, the free-kicks, the anguish, the joy - it'll all be here from 3pm.

Pour yourself a dram of the hard stuff first, though. Days like these should come with a health warning.

And if your better half's mum still insists on dragging you away from the screen to join in a conversation about the bingo, then why not have the commentary sent direct to your mobile. Text Times to 86626.