MARRY WHO?

Many of you have been driven to comment on Laurie Gottlieb's tough love piece, Marry Him! - encouraging women to abandon all thoughts of a knight in shining armour, and settle now for Mr 9/10, lest they wind up, fat, forty and alone.

Well, what if you're a girl who, quite rightly, won't settle for less, and never mind the consequences? What if you're a girl who has been brought up to fend for herself and speak her mind and be honest about who she's in love with? What if, most importantly, you're a girl who's never met a Mr 9/10, or even a Mr 6/10, or a Mr 2/10, in spite of countless, open-minded dates? Single girls attest the dearth of decent men - 'keepers' - on the dating circuit, so why should Ms Gottlieb suddenly assume that there's this huge pool of nearly perfect men for all of us to draw on? There isn't. Not that I'm fussy - no transgender version of the Princess and the Pea this. It's just... Mr 9/10 doesn't seem to exist.

Just where are all the decent men?

Comments

[PS Kumar]

Or does the writer actually mean - instead of having babies out of wedlock, how about this - get settled/married early, have your babies and then you have the rest of your life to consider divorce etc., since by then you are safe as you have already made your babies at a perfectly suitable age, instead of growing old without any?

[Taylor]

Most women who are decent get snapped up early, leaving heaps of slags who congregate in Women's Studies departments, dimly lit street corners, and run down council estates, where they either accelerate into middle age or start pumping out hordes of genetically unfit children that our tax dollars support.

Of course, this slag-heap of human female detritus, does not represent all women.

Just those who can't get married before age 25.

[maggie]

Most decent men get snapped up early on or are decent enough to get settled early instead of sleeping with 50 women before settling down. That leaves a dirty, smelly bunch of weird creepy perverts who congregate every day/weekend where women tend to reside. Hence, women get the impression that this is all there is and All men are like them or have been killed off by the jealous dirty, smelly bunch.
There is someone right for everyone but it all comes down to luck, patience and looking in the right places instead of settling with the first man from the dirty smelly pervy bunch.

[Parson]

Where are we? We've seen the Parlour, McCartney, etc. cases writ large in the press, seen Fathers4Justice struggle for joint custody legislation and watched men raped and discarded by the Family Court system.

And now, we're just acting rationally.

Enjoy your cats and hysterectomies!

[Robinson]

"I wondered for years why I never found 'Mr Right'. I know now that it's because I don't know what I want, and until I do, he can't exist."

I feel the same way about women apart from I should add, the thought of being in a "relationship" is something I find rather oppressive. I know not why. I sometimes think I must have some rare form of Autism!

[james mclean]

If a woman does find mr right she will only want to change him to mr wrong. After all if a guy is 10/10 there is nothing there for the woman to fix or to complain about. Anyway the husband generally gets the cold shoulder after the second child even if he is 10/10.

[Adrianne]

I wondered for years why I never found 'Mr Right'. I know now that it's because I don't know what I want, and until I do, he can't exist.

Thankfully I don't need to think about it now - I have a cat, who is much better company, doesn't leave the house untidy, and doesn't whine and complain if I got out or away for a while.

[Jessica Tyrrell]

All the so-called decent men have done what Laura counsels women to do: they have 'settled' when they were far too young and now regret it but are too loyal (or maybe lazy or scared) to move on and try someone else.

[Mark]

The first post says a lot, as we (men) apparently still have to ask women out. So what happened to sexual equality all of a sudden? Why do we men have to ask you women out?

A lot of decent guys simply will not ask a woman out whom he does not already know well because he is taking a big chance not only with his self esteem, but also his liberty. For God's sake, a man can be arrested for just looking at a woman these days, yet the same can hardly be said for a woman who looks at a man, or asks him out.

Yet you don't, even after thirty years of gender equality - why is that?

[Steve]

As someone trying to be a "decent man", I don't hold much value in materialism and celebrity. Unfortunately, this seems to over-ride all other eligible traits.

I guess some people just adore their gilded cage.

[Jordan]

A basic acquaintance with Evolutionary Psychology makes it very clear that most women have a general attraction to hypergamy - the desire to marry up. Hence the widespread identification of women with Lizzie in Jane Austen's perenially popular Pride and Prejudice. Failing to marry up feels like failing to find Mr Right to most women. For obvious statistical reasons there are not enough of such men to go around. Hence the difficulty in finding Mr Right. Hence also the ease which men of high status can have affairs if they are so minded: competition amongst women for high status mates leads many of them into "mate poaching". Time for women to become more self-aware!

[Susan Peterssen]

I was honestly quite taken aback when I Laurie’s article. This type of writing in the media is exactly what turns my 20-something year old friends into pathetic, insecure and distressed woman who feel constantly pressured into getting married and start panicking at the age of 26 if they have not yet met ‘Mr right’! – Thus Laurie is encouraging us educated, successful and attractive woman into settling for the first ‘ok-ish’ man that we happen to be lucky enough to have ask us out. This perpetuates any imbalances there are between men and women in contempory society.

[JB]

I wonder where the women are who want Mr. Right... a loveing and devoted soul not afraid of dedication and commitment to having babies with the right woman. I have met the right women and she is a bit stuck where she is and not comlpetely sure of what to do. Mr. rigth will wait for her. :-)

[B. Johnson]

When I go to the supermarket, and there are some tins left on the shelf that are old and dented or which have no label.

I don't buy those ones.

Maybe these women need to accept their Darwinian fate that they have turned out to be worker bees rather than breeding stock.

[John Dean]

Feminism has alienated the decent guys and they have discovered other decent guys with whom to spend their lives.

[ania]

The decent men are in the places women don't look. They're not in bars out 'on the pull'. Go rock climbing. Take up a martial art. Join a mountain biking group. Take up surfing. All the good men are out bettering themselves, having fun, not chained to their office desks and hoping to meet some bird in a pub.

[Vicky]

Women in fields like media always moan about the "lack of men". However, female science graduates in male-dominated professions with "male" hobbies know loads of single men (and also tend to relate well to men because they are used to them).

These guys often hate the airhead girly-girls though, and those women don't want the techies and scientists either.

[Jack]

Great comments so far, and the common element seems to be "get real".
I agree, if a woman wants it all then she's about 25 years too late(concentrate instead on what feels good to you and what u really need)...or else get used to being alone.

[Scamp]

I'm so glad I'm gay!

[tracey]

Firstly, what's wrong with being alone, fat and single at 40? That's what I was before I met the man of my dreams. There's lots of good men out there. My man isn't 'technically' very eligible but his reserves of strength and character are remarkable. Just let it happen, girls, and have fun!

[emma]

Hilarious!! I agree with Maria...

Think Laurie's a bit bitter to be single at 40...??

[Lizzie]

Well, quite obviously you are fussy.

[Maria]

"RED ALERT, PANIC, QUICK FIND A HUSBAND BEFORE YOU'RE 18/21/25/30/35/40 OR YOU WILL DIE LONELY AND WRETCHED OR BE EATEN ALIVE BY YOUR CATS!!!"

People, grow up and get a life. Look at the comments on Laura Gottlieb's article and you will see women and men bashing each other up in a most negative and counter-productive manner.

Why are there no articles advising people how to make the most of being single and to improve themselves? If 33-50% of marriages end in divorce, why is getting married such a big deal anyway? There are plenty of people on Planet Earth already - is your DNA so crucial that the human race cannot continue without it? Work on yourselves so that you're good company and people will flock around you. If you have lots of friends not having a partner won't be such a big deal. But no matter what age you are, keep an open mind just in case Mr or Ms Right does turn up.

[Pablo]

Wow! Despite of countless dates, all the men you have dated are below 2/10? This can only have one of these explanations:

1) All men are scum. So 50% of world population is worthless.

2) All decent men are hiding in a cave far from you. This must be a really huge cave.

3) You only date bad men. So it's your fault for choosing them.

4) You think that perfectly acceptable men are not worth to tie your shoelaces. (Ms. Entitlement Princess springs to mind)

Anyway. Have you examined yourself? You despise so many men and you feel so contemptuous of them. What have you to offer? Maybe this is the cause of your dating sorrows. It is more likely that you are wrong than 50% of world population is scum.

So keep blaming other people of your problems and you will do a perfect spinster with a home full of cats.