Sennen Surf Rodeo

At the age of 42 (and 13 weeks), I had long since concluded that my illustrious competitive surfing career would retain a lustre perhaps unmatched among all other surfing writers for The Times. My record speaks for itself, standing at an impressive No Defeats but a less than commendable No Victories, for, if truth be told, I am a virgin when it comes to surf contests.

This changed today, thanks to Jonty Henshall. I turned up at Sennen Cove with Harry at 10.30 a.m, oblivious of the fact that the Cove was the scene of the Sennen Waterman's Association Surf Rodeo. Before Harry and I could say "It looks messy and onshore but there's a wave at North Rocks", Jonty had entered us in the Rodeo, an annual event in which funds were today being raised for SurfAid.

Long-standing Rodeo aficionados will be aware that, as surf contests go, it is one of the less intense. In fact, a case might even be made for it being an anti-surf contest, for competitors in the Rodeo do not win heats through excellent surfing alone. Excellent surfing is perhaps more of an optional extra, with the highest points available for deliberate interference, general carnage and obscure surfing moves such as the 'backwards headstand bail' and the 'blindfold fin first take off'.

Even so, I was nervous. It's not every day that you enter a surf contest. I'd never known a day when I'd entered one. Harry, at 12, is a comparative surf contest veteran, having already racked up some seven or eight events in the last year alone. It was left to my sensitive elder son to put my fears to one side. "Why are you nervous, Dad? You've only got Sam Bleakley in your heat."

Yes, dear readers, my first ever competitive heat would see me paddle out and do battle with Sam Bleakley, pro longboarder, style-master and, er, twice a European champion. "Just knock him off his board, Dad," was Harry's advice, he having acquitted himself admirably in his first heat with a flawless execution of the 'ride a wave then jump onto a rival's board' move. Sound advice, but cometh the hour, cometh the failure to put it into practice.  I strove in vain to catch a wave that would propel me onto, or near, Sam's board, this being the only way in which I might prevail over him (or anyone else, for that matter). None materialised and my progress was cut short not so much in its prime but its dotage. At 42 (and 13 weeks), my surf contest record now stands at: Contests entered: 1; Contests marked by failure to progress beyond heat one: 1.

No matter, for not only did I make a debut as a competitor, but also as a judge. Regrettably, I failed to note that Jonty took off on not one but two waves wearing a blindfold. So did my fellow judges, as a result of which Jonty's progress to the final was cruelly curtailed.

So who won? To be honest, I don't know. My mum and dad turned up and Harry and I had to depart to entertain them. I have a lurking suspicion that Sam Bleakley might have added 'Winner of Sennen Surf Rodeo 2008' to his array of titles, and will find out soon. But meanwhile, I can't stop thinking about one image from the event. I think I saw a surfer standing on his board, riding it to the beach, clasping a green crocodile between his legs and having sex with it. Yes, I'm sure that's what I saw. But no, that can't be true. Definitely not. I blame my age, and, of course, contest nerves. No one would ride a board and have sex with a green inflatable crocodile, not in front of everyone and heedless of the consequences, as if having sex with crocodiles was not only natural but perfectly safe.

Would they?

Top effort all round by the Sennen Watermen and thanks to Russell Pierre for the photograph of Jonty Henshall.

Comments

[Russell Pierre]

Hi Alex, Just thought I'd mention that the Surf Rodeo is in memory of Ashley Moffet, a young local surfer, musician and photographer who tragically died about four years ago. Andy prowse and all his friends organise this each year. The money raised goes to Surf Aid. I also had to disappear and be a good husband and father after getting knocked out by Harry!!!