Alan Carr's topical barometer

The star of Channel 4’s Friday Night Project on what’s hot and what’s not . . .

GOING DOWN: SPY RINGS Scotland has accused the Italians of spying on their training session after spotting a suspicious, red-haired man with binoculars watching them. Red hair? I’m no Miss Marple, but how many red-haired Italians living in Dumbarton do you know? Unless he’s tipped a jar of Ragu over his head, I think Scotland’s footballing secrets are safe.

GOING UP: NEWSPAPERS The news that a girl has been born in Bangladesh with four arms and four legs was distressing, but hats off to one newspaper that ran the story showing a photo of the girl with her family. The photo was captioned “girl (second from right)”. Thanks — just in case another four-armed and legged girl had cartwheeled into shot.

GOING UP: WAGES I was horrified to discover the difference between male and female international footballers’ wages. McClaren’s flops get a whopping £150,000 for scraping qualification — hopefully — and the women get £40 a day.

GOING DOWN: DERBY Hi ho, hi ho! No it’s not the sound of a Premier League footballer chatting up a hooker, it’s the rumours that Disney is set to take over Derby. I can see Pride Park as a new Euro Disney, but looking at Derby’s recent defeats, 5-0, 6-0 and 4-1, I think they’ve already got seven dwarves in defence, including Goofy in goal.

Comments

[Spaceram]

Derby have never lost 4-1 this season. 1-0,2-0,4-0,5-0,6-0 yes. 4-1? A goal would be nice.