The African Cup of Nations, Sepp Blatter and budgie smugglers

Forget grand-slam Sunday, today is the mother of all Mondays in the African Cup of Nations as Nigeria face Ivory Coast in the Sekondi-Takoradi Stadium at 5pm. The Nigeria and Ivory Coast squads are packed with 15 Barclays Premier League players so expect to see some familiar faces if you are tuning in to watch the game on Eurosport or the BBC.

As always the BBC are taking the tournament very seriously - not that you would guess from the cheap set that they are using and the stubble on Gavin Peacock’s face. As far as Match of the Day goes, Peacock is the twelfth man brought on only when Alan Hansen is off on a golfing holiday or when Mark Lawrenson has gone shirt shopping at Matalan, but when it comes to African football, the former Chelsea forward is in his element.

The BBC’s coverage is fronted by Jake Humphreys, who looks about twelve, and Efan Ekoku, the former Wimbledon and Nigeria striker who looks as if he is struggling to say awake. “We are going to see lots of gems but unfortunately most of them are polished,” Ekoku warned any watching agents before Ghana beat Guinea 2-1 in the opening match in Accra last night.

Ekoku seemed to perk up after Sulley Muntari struck Ghana’s stunning late winner from 25 yards which gave Peacock the perfect opportunity to lecture us about the importance of closing down your opponents and concentrating until the final whistle.

Pitchside for the BBC were Mark Bright, who looked as yellow as his Ralph Lauren shirt after he had been made to queue for nine hours to get into the stadium and Marcel Desailly, a man who proves that you do not need to speak English to get a job at the BBC. “Look at that! Plenty clolour,” Desailly screamed as drums were banged and a half-naked boy was carried across the pitch on a throne during the opening ceremony.

You could tell this was a very important match because both Sepp Blatter, the Fifa president, and Michel Platini, the Uefa president, were sitting in the VIP area. Blatter, beaming in suit and tie (not in this brilliant pic he isn't, left), has ruffled feathers by insisting that the tournament has to be moved to the summer by 2016.

By half-time in Accra last night, he looked like he needed a cold shower. If Blatter gets his wish and the tournament is played in the searing heat of an African summer expect to see the president turning up to the 2016 final in a pair of budgie smugglers and Raybans.