Tony Cascarino's Fiver

1 Double standards
Scene that typifies football: Daniel Levy on TV having a go at Manchester United for pursuing Dimitar Berbatov. Next? Harry Redknapp saying he fancies Shaun Wright-Phillips. But that is OK because Chelsea may not want him any more. 

2 Name and shame
Golf shots often have funny nicknames, such as “Dennis Wise” – a nasty five-footer. How about a “Gazza” for football – someone who keeps hitting the bar? Any more suggestions? 

3 The roots of evil
Simon Jordan is right: the transfer tribunal system is a joke. What is the point in a club such as Crystal Palace investing in grass roots if a tribunal shafts them by awarding a paltry fee when their youngsters leave? 

4 Overrated Robinho
Where has the idea that Robinho is worth £50 million come from? I remember reading an article about his sexual prowess, but all I know is he has not reached his potential for Real Madrid. 

5 Drog’s dinner
Didier Drogba’s agent says his client will settle his future in ten days. As soon as he hit form, Drogba started talking about moving elsewhere. He thinks he is a star – lots of Chelsea fans do not care any more.