The fat lady - and Chas & Dave - are singing for Newcastle United

I laugh when I hear and read pundits talking about relegation at this stage of the season. I mean, we're only in September. But I'm sorry, when you look at the basket case that is Newcastle United and the predicament that they are in, there is only one way of looking at it. They have relegation written all over them.

No owner - or not one that wants to be there - no manager, no team that you could call a team at the moment, no confidence. And perhaps no hope unless the mess is sorted out PDQ. The whole set-up at St James' Park is in disarray, from top to bottom, and it is the definitive example of how a club should not be run. It's a shambles.

Watching the 2-1 defeat against Tottenham in the Carling Cup on Wednesday night, I couldn't help but sense that the background chaos has affected the players. OK, they have absences due to injuries, but who hasn't? And where was the traditional response to such off-the-pitch turmoil, the fighting spirit of highly paid professionals?

Sadly, nowhere to be seen. Michael Owen and Obafemi Martins didn't work up front - it rarely has done - and although Owen scored a late goal, where were his leadership qualities in a time of crisis? Need I answer? He did little to inspire and disappeared into the darkest of the depths like most of his team-mates.

Damien Duff is a pale shadow of the lightning-paced lad I watched grow up in the Ireland side, Nicky Butt tried manfully but got overrun in midfield, Steven Taylor, a Geordie icon, committed a horrendous error in gifting Tottenham their second goal, and Xisco came on as a late substitute but you hardly knew that he was on the pitch.

The whole lot looked shell-shocked. No one wanted the ball and if they got it, they didn't have a clue what to do with it. Shay Given, the goalkeeper and one of the best in his job in the world, is the only player who could save Newcastle. Literally. And yet how long can he keep taking on all-comers on his own?

Take into account, also, that this was a Tottenham team who have not won a match in the Barclays Premier League this season. You could have said that they were as ripe for the plucking as Newcastle were yet they were made to look more than competant. At least their boardroom would appear fairly stable.

Two or three more defeats on the spin and the stench of relegation at St James' will become almost unbearable. Even a new manager might take a while to stop the rot, especially as he won't be able to spend a penny on squad strengthening - assuming that a new regime has taken over - until after Christmas, when the transfer window reopens.

And what was all that about Terry Venables taking over as "interim" manager? "Cockney Mafia Out" read a banner on Wednesday and yet Venables is East London through and through. No wonder he turned it down; Cockney boys can be exceptionally shrewd.

Before long, such is the madness at St James', Chas & Dave will be belting out "Blaydon Races" as part of the pre-match entertainment. You couldn't make it up ... but, at Newcastle, it would appear that anything goes. The Coca-Cola Championship is waiting.

Comments

[steve]

Just scanning through all of this, I am struck by the half-baked whining of the nay-sayers- "Newcastle are a small club" - "Newcastle fans expect too much" - "Kevin Keegan ran away" - and my personal favourite "Newcastle are a regional club"!!!

All I know is this. I have watched my club Newcastle batter Liverpool. I have watched my club Newcastle batter Manchester Utd. I have watched my club Newcastle batter Barcelona in the Champions league.

I enjoyed it a great deal, and given the chance of a rich Arab losing his senses, I may do again.

[kenny-cor]

Shame,Mr C,you seem to have joined the
kick em when their nearly down brigade
of satirists.In good company,with Rod Liddle
he,too,has enlisted.
Yes we do,95% of us know 'it's just a dream/currently nightmare.But,why don't you
save your emphatic predictions till we have
a run with some of our good absentees back
in action,plus a clear out of some non firing
soldiers. Also a manager who's allowed to hire and fire.

[Louis, Birmingham]

"Man Utd, Liverpool, Chelsea and Aston Villa are walking the line too."

Liverpool and Man Utd possibly. Where did you get Chelsea and Villa especially from though? Villa's owner and manager have an excellent relationship, and both are sensible and realistic with their goals. This summers spending may have been a little high - and I can't see why Milner was worth forking out £12m for - but they're otherwise solid.

[derbyram]

They were the only club that the worse team in Premier league history could beat last season, and we ended up taking 4 of our 11 miserly points off them. Wish we could have played them every week and was amazed that they didn't go down with us.

[Frank Upton]

When they win a few games, everbody will say they were a great club all along.

[Mo]

This is just pathetic. Newcastle fans are an absolute joke as is the club.

Why are Newcastle are a big club exactly? More people would show sympathy with the Newcastle fans if they grew up and woke up to reality. You can't live on past glory, what happened a decade ago happened a decade ago. Move on and accept what's happening in the present.

[DAN]

What Aidan said was spot on in my opinion... people love having a pop at the newcastle fans for some reason... all they are showing is that they will not be walked over and they have the balls to stand up for what they believe in. If all fans were like Newcastle fans then the prem would be a better place.. OK, I'm not trying to say that they are perfect and the noise at SJP has gone down over the years but they take large numbers away, all standing unlike most prem away fans and making noise in any situation e.g 4 nil down at O.T. What I'm trying to say is i don't get why people love bad mouthing fans with real passion. Take Man U fans for example.. I am a fan of their true fans.. very load away from home. But the other day in the CL when Ronaldo came on made me feel sick... standing ovation for a diving, crying, moaning little kid who thinks he's bigger than the team. that's a true disgrace in my opinion. Can some Newcastle Haters please reply to me or something so i can understand why you love seeing them fail (excluding Sunderland fans because that's obvious)??

[byebyewhinygeordies]

Maybe. Finally. And with certainty. The Newcastle United fans will realize what every fan of the top football clubs in the league have always said and to be perfectly frank have always laughed at whenever discussed...

NEWCASTLE ARE NOT A "BIG CLUB!"

Big bellies. Big mouths. Big bald head. Big egos.

Big club? Pathetic.

Hopefully soon, you'll be back where you belong. In the second tier at least.

And as for you Michael Owen...after the way you left Liverpool to apparently "win things" I will be laughing all the way to Hawarden to see you relegated.

[Ram]

The rot started with the previous owners and the sacking of Bobby Robson - the only recent manager of any proven pedigree they have recently had. He stabilises the club, sorts the foundations out and what do they do? Sack him. A club that badly run doesn't deserve to be in the Premier League.

[ptah]

It is not just Newcastle in this mess, but they are the first... or maybe second to manifest it.

Leeds exploded after managerial and ownership stupidity. And at present there are Portsmouth, West Ham and Man City with massive exposure to the financial collapse due to ridiculous transfer policies.

There are probably more, but for sure Man Utd, Liverpool, Chelsea and Aston Villa are walking the line too.

Sure, what is happening at Newcastle is funny. As a supporter the situation seems so hopeless I can but laugh - I ain't the crying type! But supporters ought to wake up a little. This is going to effect more than just Newcastle in the long run.

[Dug]

Once again, 'the delusional fans' are blamed for their 'unrealistic expectations' of NUFC. The reality of the situation is that mismanagement at board level (in both managerial appointments and player aquisition) and ineptitude at coaching level has left the club adrift.
The power of the fans, or any clubs fans, has been greatly overplayed in the media. A strong board can ignore their fans at will if the need arises ( witness the Glazer attitude at Old Trafford).
The NUFC team is thinly stretched and mediocre in quality but no more so than a handful of other Premier clubs. To talk of relegation in September is a little early and exhibits the schadenfreude for which the British press is famous.
It appears that the media has hit on a goldmine with NUFC being able to print two stories per day about the club, the first reminding us that NUFC are not a big club and have wacko fans, then the second describing the daily turmoil in miniscule detail and praising ' Geordie faithful'.
The corresponding demise of Spurs attracting less than half of the column inches of the NUFC saga seems to suggest that the club may be quite a big club after all.
I, for one, will be waiting til at least March before I start discussing relegation fodder and I suggest Cascarino, who should know better, do the same.

[Brian]

Im not a Newcastle fan but while they are are not a succesful club,they are a big club.Any side who can get 50,000 average year after year while struggling is a big club.Its a pity Ashley is such a fool.

[Davie]

Why on earth are non-Newcastle fans commenting on this article.If for instance there was an article about say Spurs I just would not be interested enough to post a comment.For such a small insignificant club we certainly seem to attract a lot of interest from the media and fans of other clubs.Strange.

[Keith]

What has the Cockney Mafia Out banner got to do with Venables bein approached i believe it was the board who tried to appoint him.Not the support.Yet another needless attack on NUFC.

[Aidan]

Lets get something straight, we Newcastle fans are not dillusional. We have a big stadium, which is filled week in, week out, and a big budget as a result, unlike many other premiership clubs. There is no hiding from the fact we have not won anything for years, but compare our cup runs and premiership football as well as amount of champions league football in last 15 years to other clubs around us and we DO come out on top, we should be in the top 8. Like it or not we are a big club. However, us fans dont expect top 4, champaign football, just regular top 8 finishes, a reasonable expectation given our resources. Unfortunately Allardyce would have taken us down, look at our results when he was in charge! It's not rocket science, he was a bad appointment. The board have failed to strengthen the squad in areas that were desperately in need of addressing, and also lied to Keegan, expecting him to shoulder the blame when the squad began to inevitably falter. We are not dilluded, we just feel the mases of money the fans pump into the club should be used more wisely, and the squad we are given as a result should be able to compete in the top 8. What's wrong with that? If we were a small club like you say, we wouldnt be all over Sky Sports News and filling masses of column inches in newspapers desperate to report on events at St.James Park week in, week out. Look at Westham and Curbishley walking out for the same reason, hardly anyone took notice because they were interested in Newcastle! We dont like being a national joke, and we will get it right eventually, but it's got to be put right by those at the top of the club, not us fans.

[scott wills]

steven taylor , a geordie icon ..... sums up how much you know .

[alastair macbeath]

Poor Old Newcastle United..........it takes TIME to become successful for MORE than ONE season. Managers need time......for whatever reason the managment and fans of NUFC just have not been willing to give them the requisite time in charge. The mess that NUFC is in now has been on the cards for sometime.............just look at your recent history of managerial and ownership changes!

[Mark P]

"Get over it, with the attitude of these clowns in the stand, no decent manager in the game would want to work with them!"

What attitude, Ray, do you think Nexcastle fans should have? Are you suggesting they should be excited about mediocracy? Is it unreasonable to expect a club, whose ticket prices and attendance levels are amongst the highest in the league to, at the very least, try to compete?
There's nothing delusional about this. Most, if not all, knowledgeable NUFC fans don't expect to win the league, or the cup, or get into the Champions League, but they expect to see progress. For the past 10 years, the club has been steadily moving backwards due to the ineptitude of its owners and chairmen, Mike Ashley and Derek Llambias are just the latest. This year the team entered the season short on both numbers and talent. Add several injuries to that and you have a team that, if nothing changes, is destined to be relegated. And you think that the fans should put up with it? Really?

[Ian]

I think they missed an oportunity to appoint Venables until the end of the season, as he was obviously interested but turned off by the week to week contract ( and who came blame him). Some coaching nous and motivation will definitely help us now, so let's hope we can get it quickly.

I feel sorry for the comments about people equating Newcastle's attendance on Wednesday to the support for the team not being strong. I think in relation to any success we have had while in the premier league it has been both enviable and excellent and who can blame any one for not spending any more hard earned cash on a ticket under the current circumstances. Please remember that some season ticket holders have coughed up for three seasons - not just this one.

As for the new owners and new manager, assuming some of their key players get fit, these are still early days and not ones worthy of doom and gloom-but premier league survival was noton the agenda following the opening day draw at Man U.

[RT]

Lots of smug comments about Newcastle fans. Well maybe we do expect to be great again. We have had plenty of experience of the wilderness in football terms and some of your correspondents have very short, if any memories. Perhaps they are fair weather fans of MUFC (from anywhere other than Manchester), or maybe Chelseas cocktail set. Loyalty ought to be worth something even in footballs cheapskate world, so get off the fans backs - at the moment they are the only good thing about the club.

[steven willis]

I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of the constant references to Newcastle's "delusional" fans. I don't know one fellow Newcastle supporter who thinks we're a big club or that anyone else around the country should care a jot about us... (although Brainwashed's point about column inches and furious comments from non-NUFC fans is spot on)

[Gaz]

Newcastle should never have chosen Keegan. A man who has now walked out twice from the club. How many managers in the top flight recently has walked way from their clubs? Keegan admitted not watching any football since leaving Man City. Which meant he would need to rely on the input of others to buy decent players. If he comes back he will just walk out again. Its time to let go!

[Brainwashed]

I cannot understand why so many people keep reminding Newcastle United supporters that it is a 'small' club but still write masses of column inches in the press.

If we are doomed (and as a supporter of over 55 years I have seen it all before!) why does it matter to anyone but us supporters? Why do the likes of Ray get so upset? If we go down why does it matter to TC or Ray and why is it worth writing about for such an irrelevant club?

[Michael]

Newcastle deserve to go down if only for the unreasonable expectations their fans have. For some strange reason Newcastle fans seem to think it is a big club. The facts speak differently. The Club has been going nowhere for years and has been mismanaged by a succession of owners. Time for them to go down so we don't have to listen to them whingeing every season.

[kevin]

Richard,

I dont think you can hang this on the press, not even Martin Samuel ( The Lampard Fan Club). Newcastle are suffering now from years of stupidity at managerial and director level and in believing the hype of their own fans. The number of Newcastle fans I have had say to me "Well we are all about attacking football, and we are everybodys 2nd favourite team"...which is plainly a load of old rubbish. Newcastle went for it big that one season with Keegan and came up short. Unfortunate but true. I cant say its been champagne football ever since, or even before then, but thats all we ever get from people connected with NUFC.

The reason for your malaise is simple, the wrong players bought at the wrong time for stupid money and the wrong managers to coach them. Simple really.

Oh, and speaking of the press, we are constantly reminded of how wonderful Newcastle fans are. What was the attendance the other night against Spurs? In a one club town?