Why Tottenham are like the Titanic

Two helmsmen 96 years apart but united by search for lifeboat

A Night To Remember? Try an afternoon to forget for Juande Ramos and Tottenham Hotspur. Sunday’s defeat by Hull City marked Tottenham’s worst start to a season since 1912, the year the Titanic sank. Is the man at the helm at White Hart Lane any safer at the wheel than the “unsinkable” vessel’s captain, Edward John Smith?

Awards

Smith Honorary Commander, Royal Naval Reserve; Transport Medal; Royal Distinction. Ramos Two Uefa Cups with Seville; Carling Cup with Tottenham

Salary

Smith £1,250 a year, plus £100 no collision bonus (unpaid). Ramos £4 million a year

Assistant

Smith James “Tiger” Paintin, personal valet. Ramos Gustavo “Gus” Poyet, can speak English

Moment of impact

Smith Asleep in bed as iceberg struck. Ramos Immobile on bench as Geovanni struck

Decision-making

Smith 15 to 20 minutes after collision, orders wireless operator to send distress message. Ramos 46 minutes after Hull goal, sends on David Bentley at right back

Fate

Smith Went down with his ship. Ramos Sinking towards the Coca-Cola Championship?

The icebergs in Ramos’s way

Stoke City (a), Oct 19: Omen? Smith was born in Stoke, a couple of miles from the Britannia Stadium.

Bolton Wanderers (h), Oct 25: Another physical, direct team with whom Spurs could only draw in both fixtures last season.

Arsenal (a), Oct 29: True, Spurs beat their rivals 5-1 in last season’s Carling Cup, but they have not done so in the league since 1999.

Words by TOM DART

Comments

[Greer]

I love the Titanic.I allwase wanted to learn more about It!!!!!!!!!!!

[danno]

Next week, how the credit crunch and the wantaway ambitions of Wenger(PSG) and Fabregas(Barcenalona) create an Ar5ena1-Hindenburg scenario.

[will]

bert, how exactly would u stop water flowing into a boat that has been holed under the water line? im pretty sure that is something the navy has been trying to figure out for an awfully long time.

[will]

this is down to comoli, ramos is clearly trying to figure out a system in which to play the players commoli has brought in.

for me tottenham have to play 433/451 uve got traditional back four and then a midfield of modric zokora and jenas, with dos santos bent/pavleuchenko and lennon/bentley. tottenham play that side/system and you will seen some exceptional performances guranteed.

comoli on the other hand has to understand that his job is to bring in players in positions that ramos asks for, not bringing in 76 attacking midfielders when tottenham clearly need a defensive midfielder a striker and a left winger.(although stick dos santos on the left wing and that little conundram will be fixed)

[Jean-Jacques Hoboct]

That's hilarious. Very funny. I suspect it's time to abandon ship and head for the ifeboats...!

[William]

Mike, he's working for me. I employed him personally to sabotage Spur's season. And while I'm confessing, I'm also the one behind lasagne gate. Can’t take credit for the Titanic though.

[Dave M]

Boring. Spurs will finish mid-table, no doubt, and then the media can get back to writing about NewcastLOL.

[Frank Upton]

So, Bert, how exactly do you "block the water pressure"?

[Mike]

Consiracy theories exist about the Titantic.What about one for 'Spurs.Well wasn't Mr Camolli,Director of Football, once employed by Arsenal,and since he's been at the club the transfer dealing has at times been daft.This time last year we had 4 top class strikers(Berbatov,Keane,Defore and Bent)the latter being the poorest of the 4.So Camolli sells the best three,buys Pavlyuckenko,who according to Ramos can't play with Bent and gets an unknown striker on loan from Man.Utd to make the numbers up to three.Was Camolli planted by Arsenal deliberately to ruin the club ? We'd finished 5th twice in a row before he came,and all we needed was a couple of defenders to shore up that side of the team.Instead of which we've blown millions on players who so far are no better or not as good as those they replaced.Kaboul,Prince Boeteng,Gilberto,Ghally,Routledge,Rocha,etc.etc.No team can win anything unless it can score goals: basic fact even understood by blokes who run 6th Division teams over a park on a Sunday.My question is:who is Camolli really working for ?

[Bert]

The Titanic could have been saved. If only someone had been onboard that knew how to block the water pressure on the side it was coming from. Sports teams, which depend on wealthy corporate sponsors to stay in business, face a different 'iceberg' that threatens the entire global economy: Greed.

If Daniel Levy were captain of the Titanic, he would have blamed the iceberg...

[munya]

What a hilarious metaphor. Things can never be bad Ramos