Russell Brand vents spleen at 'sleazy' famous fans list

Frank Praverman

Oh dear, it's not been a good month for Russell Brand has it? First, he resigns from the BBC following his lewd phone message to Andrew Sachs, then he is listed at No 2 in our top 50 worst famous football fans. (Adolf Hitler was No 1).

It appears our article pricked his ego. The description of Brand as a "potty-mouthed 'comedian' who minces about Upton Park pretending he owns the place," adding that he "also writes a pathetic weekly football column in The Guardian" did not go down well in Brand Towers.

The former Radio 2 presenter used said column to issue a typically verbose response. Unfortunately, rather than launch a defence of his character, he instead preferred to shoot back at the author of the piece, Kaveh Solhekol, with the following sticks and stones:

"[The list was] compiled by a solo journalist on his laptop across the sperm-strewn no man's land of his cracked abdomen between the bouts of necessary onanism that anaesthetise the agonising passage through his futile, fumbling half-life."

Kaveh's stamp collection certainly doesn't think his life is futile.

However, taking the list in the spirit it was meant was Tim Lovejoy, who used his Sunday morning TV programme to call on fans to get him all the way up to No 1 from his current lowly position of 26.

If you fast forward to about 31 minutes in of this, then you will hear him plead: "Come on, come on. I want to win something one day," adding: "I was in the top 20 worst dressed men in the world. Paul Weller was at No 9 so I was quite proud - I love the way he dresses."

Comments

Russell Brand's would be lost without a thesaurus.

[Alex]

Cristoforo Marsella

So people who don't get Russell Brand aren't smart enough to understand?

What a pathetic and dictatorial argument. I'd suggest the opposite, i.e. that people like you think that seeing the emperor as wearing something, rather than being naked, somehow makes you possess an intellect that your comments on this blog prove you do not have!

[Alex]

So Brand's confirmed what we all knew - he can dish it out, but he can't take it.

Not a particularly appealing trait in a comedian, or any other vocation for that matter.

[symon]

The man with the best agent in the world...and the worst comb-over.

[D.Heath]

100% of West Ham fans I know can't stand the fact that Brand is a 'fan' and most, if we ever saw him at a game, would relish the chance to tell him exactly what we think.

[Jarrad]

Russell Brand's genius has been greatly exaggerated.

[Shailash Khan]

I don't like R Brand but that's not a problem. Every time I see him on TV I turn over, every time I see his name in the paper, I turn the page and ever since he was sacked by the BBC I've started listening to Radio Two again. I would recommend that the rest of the 95% of the population who can't stand him follow my lead. It works a treat.

[Cristoforo Marsella]

Russell is not only a genuine nice guy with a heart of gold, and the man hunt on him is becoming a tad "tabloid" like. i would expect better from the times. if people are not smart enough to understand his comedy and the persona he adopts then really they shouldnt comment on something they dont understand.

[Dan]

Great journalism....what next:

"50 ways to fill space?"

"The top 50 most subjective lists ever?"

"50 elaborate ways to make your point?"

Yet more publicity for Russell Brand - I bet he is starting to think that the Andrew Sachs prank was the best thing he ever did, instead of being an item that has ended up way out of proportion to the response it has now received.

[Tim]

Dont particularly like Brand, but i thought his article was really just 'mock outrage', and perfectly understandable considering he was second behind Hitler. Anyway may start to read Brand a bit more often.

[Sayed]

Taking the list in the spirit it was meant? Was it meant to be as needlessly obnoxious as it came off?

[JONATHAN HOLMES]

Peter Kay has been voted the UK's best comedian - while Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand are among the least popular.
Ross and Brand - who came under fire during the recent Andrew Sachs prank calls row - came second and eighth respectively on the list of the worst comedians.

[Homer]

From the column in question...

"a quick rub 'n' tug in the morning",
"sperm-strewn no man's land",
"our phalluses erect, potent and ready for coitus", and
"Adolf Hitler sits masturbating"

We must genuflect before his comic genius! Or perhaps I have it out of context?

[James]

lets all hate russel brand! God, he's so stupid isn't he. oh, i just can't stand him. using all those big words, looking different to other people and sleeping with women. hasn't he got any moral decency. what has the world come to. deary me. blah blah blah.

can't you people find something worth while to moan about?

[Lucas]

So...

I don't really care much about Brand, and I don't really think it's worth anybodys time making silly articles like this in response, let alone stumbling across - and reading them as I unfortunatley did!

You are both as bad as each other.
Appologise to one another, shake hands and grow up!

[alun]

It is unfortunate when second rate journalists such as Master Kaveh Solhekol attempt to gain a reputation by belittling others who have far more ability than themselves . Whilst going to Lamberth College to study journalism should not be seen as a sign of failure putting together articles of this poor standard should

[Stephen]

I think the "cheeky boy" elaborate image is what he's going for to be fair, i enjoy his comedy to laugh at him rather than with him, he belongs back in his earlier documentaries; eccentric and drugged up interviewing members of the BNP, both interesting and funny. Although admittedly his comedy has taken a bad turn, he's not what he once was.

[Stephen]

It's true he does launch an attack on the author of the original column , but he also defends himself from the underlying implication of being racist depicted in the times' column.

He basically reacts to being positioned next to Hitler on a list by comparing himself more to Obama, a black man, and does so quite masterfully.

It's true Brand's a clot sometimes, but he isn't half funny.

[Alex Allcock]

I forgot to mention who i am. Reading from china about the BBC sacking jonathan ross and brand over the sachs affair made me realise how over the top things in uk can get. anyway long live brand =)

Funny how in the uk you love to build celebrities up so you can try and knock them down. I think everyone in the uk just loves to have a go at something. Glad im away for the moment. Russel Brand is one of the funniest comedians and clever people ive seen for a long time, hope all you cynics just appreciate him for his humour and views.

[Jon]

If Russell Brand's column in the Guardian is so bad, why was the Times so hasty to commission Phill Jupitus to write a copy of it. Basic formula - lad comedian admits to not being the most informed about football before using their alloted space each week to vent about West Ham. The main difference is that Brand's column is far funnier and better written.

[Drew]

If anyone has actually bothered to read Russell's column, which I doubt any of you have, this article has taken it grossly out of context, just like a 'sleazy rag'. The writer of said column cannot possibly expect Russell to let him get away with the comments he made without a retort of his own! It's all in the name of fun, Russell has been quite clearly facetious with his column and it hardly constitutes a rant. I would expect better from a newspaper such as this, don't resort to a low level by calling Russell a potty mouthed comic who minces round like he owns Upton Park and then try and take the high ground! And at least Russell's response was amusing, Kaveh's article was simple celebrity bashing, what I'd usually expect from more low-brow media outlets. Stop these petty columns and stop turning the Times into a mindless celebrity obsessed tabloid!

[Angus]

To be honest, I read Guardian football and Times Online football extensively, and Brand's column is more humourous and entertaining and thoughtful than anything I have read of Mr Solhekol, whose work is accomplished if unremarkable.

All the same, Brand certainly has a way with words. His passage take a jab at Mr Solhekol was very funny in its conception and quite brilliantly worded.

[Mike Fisher]

I struggle with Brand's voice. I simply can't make out the words. He brays, gurgles at his own wit, his ennunciation and delivery is poor and incomprehensible. I am sure he could be amusing, but as I can't actually understand what he's saying it's just annoying...

[Andy]

I agree with Michael - even if the list really, really got to him he should've just ignored it as opposed to writing such a venomous little sentence in his own column. Now he's made himself look like a fool, it was only a joke for god's sake.