20 things to do with a haggis

On the eve of  St Andrew’s Day [November 30], 1936, Mr C. H. Tremlet of Bruton, Somerset, wrote a heartfelt appeal to The Times:

I should like, as an Englishman who once spent 15 happy years in Scotland, to protest against the annual output of alleged humour at the expense of the haggis - humour that is born in ignorance and nurtured in prejudice

It’s a very nice letter - you can read the rest of it here - but, sorry Mr Tremlet, if you’re still with us. This is a traditional blog and, notwithstanding the shades of Scottish forebears, this blogger likes to celebrate high days and festivals in the traditional manner. 

So, from canning it to cannibalism, here are 20 helpful suggestions, drawn from The Times Archive, for making the best of a haggis:

1. Give it some of that Je ne sais quoi

No lesser person than the head chef of the Savoy responded to Mr Tremlet, with some mouthwatering Gallic refinements to his serving suggestions:

May I be permitted to point out that it is more appropriate and much more satisfactory to make a double cut in the form of a St Andrew's Cross in the skin of the haggis, instead of the single incision that Mr Tremlett advocates? In this way the skin will open like the petals of a flower.

Last year for St Andrew's Night I conceived the idea of serving a pumpkin puree instead, and this innovation was favourably received. On Monday - St Andrew's Night - I propose offering Le Veloute de Marrons Robbie Burns - a light chestnut puree, the flavour of which blends well with that of the haggis, and which, I feel, is even more attractive than the pumpkin, and certainly more so than the potato puree

2. March it round the table, then give it to a foreigner

In June 1914, some French and Belgium journalists on a tour of British health resorts, were treated to a traditional feast by the Lord Provost of Edinburgh:

Two pipers preceded the dish of haggis, and the procession marched slowly round the hall four times. At the conclusion the pipers were handed each a glass of whisky. With this they gave the famous toast, first in Gaelic and then in English, "Here's a health to the glens, the fens, and the fighting men." The visitors were enraptured, and "Vive l'Haggis! " was their verdict

3. Eat something else instead

Wartime shortages hit the 1918 Burns Night dinner in London, guest speaker John Buchan:

There was no haggis, the guests having to be content with an Italian dish, which, however, was played in by the pipers. The haggis had been ordered from Scotland, but owing to the food restrictions there the necessary ingredients were not forthcoming, and the haggis could not be made. "It is one of the misfortunes of having a Welsh Food Controller," said the Chairman. "Had he been of another nationality the haggis might have been saved."

4. Just chuck it on the floor, why not

Downfall of a haggis, November 30, 1935

Disaster befell a haggis last night at the annual dinner of the St. Andrew's Club of London held at Grosvenor House and attended by 500 Scots. The haggis was being carried round the dining hall on a trencher in traditional fashion by two chefs to the strains of Brose and Butter, played by Pipe Major Douglas Taylor, of The King's Own Scottish Borderers, when the chefs, apparently overcome by the enthusiastic reception of the assembled Scots, accidentally tilted the platter and the Chieftain of the Puddin' Race dropped on the floor. It bounced but did not burst.

5. Or see who can throw it furthest

Bad blood across Hadrian's Wall has soured the finals of the third World Haggis Hurling Championships. Officials of the sport's governing body, the World Haggis Hurling Association (WHHA), said last night that it might be forced to declare a Scottish and an English team joint swinners of this year's event after a dispute over a tie-break

Extra time dispute splits haggis hurlers, October 3, 1980 

6. Eat it every day ???

Mr Donald Norris, of Portland Place, wrote an indignant letter to say that he'd phoned round six of London's leading hotels to ask if Haggis was on the menu for Burns Night. "The reply was in each case in the negative ... Are the Scotsmen of London really so lacking in patriotic spirit that there is no demand for their special dish on such an occasion?"

The manager of the Caledonian Club wrote back reassuringly:

Not only was the haggis served on Burns Day, but it - with bashed neeps - is on the menu of the Caldonian Club on practically every day from September till May - while neeps are available

7. Slice it up in a bun

Sir, It is time your readers (including, it seems, some Scots who ought to know better) were disabused of the quaint idea that haggis is some kind of Celtic ceremonial dish, like peacocks' tongues, reserved for special celebrations and great occasions.

Despite the impression created abroad by the embarrassing Burns Supper ritual, haggis has always been a daily staple of the Scottish diet, eaten in various forms at any meal and washed down with tea or coffee.

I prefer mine for breakfast, fried with bacon, egg and black pudding; my father liked his, sliced, in a crisp morning roll, after his matitidinal three-finger draught of that other Scottish staple.

Yours faithfully. TOM BAISTOW. The Savile Club, 69 Brook Street, WI

8. Confuse it with white pudding

Sir, Whose leg does Mr Tom Baistow think he's pulling ? Has he ever tried to slice a haggis? (It would be as easy to slice a bran pie or a sandbag.) As for frying it for breakfast, the only charitable conclusion - if the leg-pull explanation is not correct - is that the ignorant man is confounding white pudding with haggis.

Miss Heather Harvey

9. Deep fry it and serve with Coca Cola

Sir, Miss Heather Harvey is being unnecessarily unkind to poor Mr Baistow, who was trying, quite rightly, to put haggis in its proper, proletarian perspective. It is she, not he, who is ignorant.

Haggis, when previously cooked, will "fry up" quite nicely the following morning. It is no more difficult than frying mashed potato to make bubble and squeak. Further, when pressed and allowed to cool it will slice much more readily than the average sandbag.

Your readers may also be interested to learn that, north of the Border, deep fried haggis is on sale in most fish and chip shops. First hand observations lead me to the conclusion that the most common refreshment chosen to accompany this simple savoury is Coca Cola, served chilled and drunk straight from the can.

Chacun a son gout! Yours faithfully, STRUAN COUPAR, Bromley, Kent

10. Match with the blood of the grape


Pamela Vandyke Price, the distinguished wine correspondent of The Times, had a classier suggestion:

I am aware that on its native heath, the haggis may be traditionally accompanied by Scotch. But in my article, suggesting red wines suitable for certain types of modest game and sausage dishes, I was thinking of those readers who may opt for the blood of the grape, perhaps for reasons of economy, or because they are being cautious about drinking spirits for reasons of diet or driving, or simply because they and their guests like wine with their meals.

Being myself a devotee of haggis, black and white puddings, andouillettes, boudins of all colours, multi- patterned salame and wurst of assorted seasonings, plus, of course, the noble banger, I would drink a red wine with these on most occasions. My experience of haggis has not included the very peppery type, as mentioned by one of your correspondents, but in Catalonia, where I have recently consumed numerous regional sausages, including the superb butifarra, the red wines of the Penedes region were quite robust enough to balance the seasonings

11. Cement international relations

Sir. When Vychinsky, the Chief Prosecutor of the USSR, visited the Nuremberg Trials in 1946, I attended the banquet given in his honour by Sir David Maxwell-Fyfe (later Lord Kilmuir). Probably for the first and last time in his life, Vychinsky partook of haggis, liberallv laced with liqueur whisky which had been poured over it, while a Scots Guards piper, specially flown in for the occasion, circled the table playing the bagpipes. It has never occured to me that there is any other way in which haggis is served.

I remain. Sir. Your obedient Servant. L. A. HILL

12. Translate into Greek

Surely the haggis, or something very like it, was known some 3,000 years ago, the gaster [this was originally in Greek text] for which Odysseus fought that poor beggar Iros, of which he afterwards made a meal?

Mr. A. SHEWAN, Scagatc, St. Andrews, Fife

[Classical note from Philip Howard: “Iros was the shameless beggar who hung around the Suitors and challenged Odysseus to a fight. Iros was known as Gaster, the Belly.”]

13. Fight the crows for it

When I was in the Highlands 30 years ago I was told that real haggis could only be made with "braxie" mutton, ie, from a sheep that had died a natural death on the hill. If the shepherd found the corpse before the crows and gulls did one had haggis for dinner, otherwise not. Mr A. MacDermott, Royal Victoria Yacht Club, Ryde

14. Can it and send it abroad

A firm in Munlochy in the Black Isle peninsula, Ross and Cromarty, are producing porridge ready made in packets for immersion in hot water by the consumer. Thus Scots have again displayed their ability to make profit in sophisticated markets from what are traditional and fairly raw materials. Haggis and venison are being canned and sold abroad: ordinary water is being sold to England for making rum and to the United States as the only appropriate dilution for Scotch whisky

15. Stick to Great-Granny’s recipe

Sir, You allowed me not long ago to send You a recipe for dry curry, of which subsequent comments and correspondence showed wide appreciation. In view of the approaching national festival of St Andrew may I now contribute a formula for haggis, not less deserving of consideration.

Take a mutton paunch, wash it, and turn it inside out ...

Serve with old whisky, or (if greatly daring) with Atholl brose, a mixture of equal parts of whisky, cream, and honey. DAVID HUNTER BLAIR, Belmont Abbey, Hereford

16. Eat your enemies - human haggis

The people of Galloway have changed, of course, oven if their hills have not, since the day when certain legionaries gave the horrified St Jerome the recipe for human haggis. They have changed even since the day when Sawny Bean and his band practised the same form of cookery only some 300 years ago

17. Have a haggis eating contest

The daily haggis-eating contest appears to have as few rules as a caucus-race. Competitors race to engorge a tinned haggis with a plastic skin weighing llb 3oz. They do not get an extra prize for enjoying it, which is just as well, to judge from yesterday's horrified grimaces

18. Start a class war

Rabbie Burns, thou shouldst be living at this hour. England hath need of thee - and Scotland too. What other pen could do justice, mocking, ribald and racy, to the ill-laid plans for celebrating Burns Night which BEA are reported to have cooked up. Haggis will be served today to its passengers on Scottish services - but not to all passengers.

The "great chieftain o' the puddin-race" is, in BEA's view, a class-conscious aristocrat. Ushering it into the aircraft with the ceremonial send-off, " Aboon them a' ye tak your place ", air officials will be careful to explain that they use "a'" in a special sense. The place must be the right place.

"The social, friendly, honest man, whate're he be" has not a hope, on his own merits, of getting his teeth into that haggis. He needs to be the holder of a first-class ticket. Passengers below the salt, mere tourist-class freight, are being fobbed off with "gift-wrapped" packs of shortbread

19. Test it for foot and mouth

A haggis sent from Scotland to the Illinois St Andrew's Society, and "condemned" by officials at LaGuardia airport yesterday because it "might spread foot-and-mouth disease" was set free today. First reports yesterday said that the haggis had been burned, but Pan-American Airways later stated that it had been handed over to the authorities. A doctor of the United States Bureau of Animal Industry today pronounced the haggis "fit for consumption" and arrange- ments were made to ship it to Chicago tomorrow in time for the Illinois Scots' celebration of St Andrew's Day on Saturday

20. And the last word ...

... goes to the Head Master of Penrhos College:

Sir, My experience has shown there is really only way to serve haggis - slow, left arm, over the wicket. Sincerely, N. C. Peacock, Penrhos College, Colwyn Bay, Denbighshire

Comments

[Carol Lee W]

Eat it and enjoy!!!
All we get in the Colonies is sad knock offs.

[cam balkon]

uld like to point out to your readers that in Scotland deep fried Haggis will never be and should never be Consumed with "pish" Coca cola the only real beverage any self respecting Scotsman would opt for would be IRN BRU brewed in Scotland from Girde

[Neil]

Haggis is best tasted after being successfully hunted, the method of hunting varies in different regions, clan customs and on the species. As the wee animals have legs longer on their left side from walking clockwise around the hill sides it is normally chased in an anti clockwise direction and as fall over in panic they roll down the hillside and can be easily caught by other clan members stationed below.
It should be served with a "decent" single malt, preferably a Highland Park or Scapa though, as Charles notes, if being eaten before noon then Irn Bru is an acceptable alternative.

[Olivia Fuller]

Hello there: Might give you a smile about the quirky Scots and their Haggis. No wonder they've moved on to deep-fried Mars and Pizza. The objective is to shock. Love Papa

[rick roberts]

haggis tastes offal.

[Thomas Robinson]

Never actually had haggis, though my mother was Welsh, and her paternal family came from Scotland, then removed to Bristol, England. Here in Western NC (USA) the closest thing we have to haggis is livermush, I guess. When hogs were/are slaughtered in late November, and the nice cuts like hams, loins, and shoulders are salted for later use, the tougher cuts ground into sausage, excess fat rendered into lard,, head prepared to be boiled into souse meat, then you are left with the guts. ( kidneys, heart, stomach lungs and the internal fat around these organs. Mostly feed to the dogs. Except the liver.It (as big as a wash tub in a three hundred pound hog) was chopped up, boiled with salt, onions and red pepper, then corn meal (coarse corn flour) is added to thicken it up to the consistency of thick oatmeal. When cooled, it is pressed into loafs, to be sliced and eaten cold, or fried for breakfast, lunch, or supper. It must be consummed shortly after it is made, for it does not keep well. I learned this growing up in the early 1970's, while living on our small farm. It was a way to use every part of the animal. Not a bit of the pig was wasted (couldn't afford to). Even the intestines were used after a VERY through cleaning), for sauage casings or also a dish called "Chitlins" (for which I have never personally much cared just the smell whilst cooking is god awfull). But I do like livermush, sliced and fried crisp on the outside, on a sandwich, with raw onions, sharp mustard, and a glass of strong beer on a cold winter evening while watching the first of the years snow fly. You know, the area where I live was mostly settled by the Scotts. They seem to have brought with them also the knowledge of how to make fine untaxed whiskey also, albiet over here they had to use corn instead of barley. Along with a fierce spirit of independce, and and the backbone and ability to survive in a harsh environment.
To my mind, Persons in the UK are lucky as far as lamb and lamb products... Over here, a small lamb leg will cost much more than prime rib of beef. ( $40 to $50 for four lbs.) I can only afford it on special ocassions. Oh well.
Here is to Robbie Burns. May his memory and his spirit last as long as Scotland and all brave people endure.
Tom

[Noel Falconer]

I don't ask that you expose the Sassenach commercialisation ot the haggis, but your august journal shouldn't propagate a lie. The peculiar features of the over-wintering ptarmigan do expose it to calumnies, but none of we - now - few who have caught and eaten this scruptious bird will ever admit that the minced-offal garbage sold as haggis is even a pallid simulacrum of the real thing.

'Haggis' has to be drunk with usquebaugh - raw alcohol - to destroy the taste. For the genuine article . . . the traditional well-aged malt whisky is good, and a decent port potable, but I myself think its dark flesh best complemented by copious fine claret.

[Noel Falconer]

I don't ask that you expose the Sassenach commercialisation ot the haggis, but your august journal shouldn't propagate a lie. The peculiar features of the over-wintering ptarmigan do expose it to calumnies, but none of we - now - few who have caught and eaten this scruptious bird will ever admit that the minced-offal garbage sold as haggis is even a pallid simulacrum of the real thing.

'Haggis' has to be drunk with usquebaugh - raw alcohol - to destroy the taste. For the genuine article . . . the traditional well-aged malt whisky is good, and a decent port potable, but I myself think its dark flesh best complemented by copious fine claret.

[vali jamal]

I gave a seminar at Glasgow University, oh, in 1987. I brought back two haggises to Geneva, both of which I handed over to my Scottish secretary at the ILO, with a pointed comment that as I didn't know what to do with them, I'd appreciate knowing the result. I waited a day and then a whole week. She never came back. I asked her sheepishly, How was it then? She feigned nonchalance, like she had the stuffed bladder every other day in Geneva. Hey, Anne, if you are reading...

[mr blonde]

I haven't had haggis for years would love to get my hands on a supply.
Blondie.. far away in the Tundra

[frank]

Sir, i'm proud of announce that we Sardinians otherwise known as inhabitants of the island of Sardinia,in the mediterranean sea are accustomed to our own version of haggis, doing it with the stomach of a sheep, turned inside out, then filled with the blood of same animal,a mix of garlic, mentha, onions, fried apart with the grease of the animal and crumbles of very thin bread called pane carasau that can be compared to very thin crackers mixed all together inside the stomach close in both ends and boiled for about 16 minutes( for check the rigt cooking point we pierce the stomach with a ery small stick of rigorously wood, When the blood seep no more is about time to put it on table, slash open and eat with full pleasure. Guarantee to make your lips black red and your dung stink like never before... Greetings

[Judy Shimkus]

The Holland America cruise line has a traditional parading, complete with piper, and eating of the haggis near the end of every cruise.

[Alison]

Dear Ali,
A quick note to share this (meant to be) humourous look at the poor, misunderstood and terribly maligned Haggis. Thank God you have the sweet and darling Molly to add some delightful Scottish charm and whimsy to your days :-).

She is precious and I hope to meet her in 2009!

Congratulations to both you and Richard!!
Love,
Catherine

[couchtripper]

Leftover haggis served on warm toast makes a fine breakfast.

By the way, most supermarkets sell it in slices, around the same size as black pudding. That should help cure at least one corrspondent's self-righteous indignation!

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Stephen=anal grammar nazi

[Stephen]

The word is 'matitudinal' not 'matitidinal'.

You shouldn't use such a fancy word if you can't at least spell it.

[grimble]

23 - Take one large, cold, haggis - several years past its sell-by date - in its authentic sheep's stomach casing, and ram it into Roland Scott-Jackson's big fat gob...

[grimble]

Sorry Lee in Virginia, it's US Customs to blame - they won't allow offal products into the US! Maybe someone needs to set up a 'surf'n'sniff' website in Scotland with a live feed of a plate of steaming haggis which those in similarly benighted territories can log onto and drool over...

[Roland Scott-Jackson]

22. Take a very large, steaming-hot haggis and insert it forcibly up Prime Minister Brown's rectum. The device consisting of a rubber cup on the end of a stick used to clear blocked drains may be found useful for this purpose.

[Roland Scott-Jackson]

22. Take a very large, steaming-hot haggis and insert it forcibly up Prime Minister Brown's rectum. The device consisting of a rubber cup on the end of a stick used to clear blocked drains may be found useful for this purpose.

[Robert Landbeck]

21

Meat or vegitarian or both, stufff your xmas turkey with it.

[Robert Landbeck]

21

Meat or vegitarian or both, stufff your xmas turkey with it.

[Charles Wheeldon]

I would like to point out to your readers that in Scotland deep fried Haggis will never be and should never be Consumed with "pish" Coca cola the only real beverage any self respecting Scotsman would opt for would be IRN BRU brewed in Scotland from Girders

[Lee Wood]

American desperately in search of Haggis!!

A group of friends and I toured Scotland in 2000. As a lamb/mutton/liver and oatmeal lover I made it a point to eat haggis at every opportunity, a delicacy long heard of but never experienced.
The faux stuffserved at local 'Highland Games' cannot match what I had in Braeburn and Edinburgh.
Also some Cranachan and a dram... I will be happy again.
Lee
Manassas,Virginia USA