Top 10 toilet horrors: Times readers kick up a stink

There’s always been one good outlet when life feels as if it’s going down the drain: write a letter to the The Times. To celebrate World Toilet Day, Ellen Przepasniak has scoured the Archive for ten particularly choice missives from readers who've got themselves in a lather about lavatories [click on the links to read the originals].

1. It seems railway lavatories have never been clean. In August 1886, a reader signing himself Viator Infelix shared his noisome experience aboard the Transcontinental Express. The stench of a lavatory in the stagnant August heat can’t have been pleasant, but the language is what makes this letter especially, shall we say, pungent: “The so-called lavatory, a pandemonium of stinks, some six feet square, with water-closet, urinal, and washing apparatus cheek by jowl, was apparently never cleansed; and neither in this one in the Pullman were there any antiseptics to deaden the sickening effluvium.”

The agents for the South Italian Railway Company wrote back vouching for “one of the best appointed and most comfortable services in Europe.” They claim: “The condition reported is entirely exceptional, and in contradiction to the testimony of hundreds of passengers by this service.”

Still the matter wasn’t dead. Another letter followed from the International Sleeping Car Company, with the ‘we’re doing the best we can’ excuse: “We may say that they are kept in as good a state of cleanliness as it is possible to do during a two days’ journey across hot and dusty countries and while in constant use.”

2. In August 1892 (what is it about lavatory complaints in August?), a woman wrote in complaining about the introduction of the penny-in-the-slot lock on women’s lavatories on trains. She calls it “not only a nuisance, but a most unfair imposition.”

Another writer calls for the abolition of the ineffective system. She claims to have seen people holding doors open for one another and five people going in at a time, and adds: "In more than one instance under my notice the non-possession of the necessary penny has caused inconvenience which amounts to the endangering of health."

A male sympathizer weighs in, calling the penny slot system a “scandalous development of a scandalous traffic,” and an “injustice to the weaker sex”.

3. When was the last time you heard complaints about queues and cleanliness at a festival? This summer, most likely. Things have not changed since the Franco-British Exhibition of 1908. Our correspondent wrote: “It is impossible even to estimate the mischief already wrought by these insanitary lavatories.”

Further scandal is exposed when this letter reveals that female exhibition workers were forced to pay for use of the lavatories, which were “erected without sufficient provision for the extra sewerage necessary for these thousands of employees and visitors.”

The Medical Officer of Health for Hammersmith defended the Public Health Committee’s planning ...

but he’s blown out of the water by “A representative at the Rest Room for Employees for the National Union of Women Workers”.

4. The polio scare in the 1950s provoked one reader to blame the lack of hand-washing facilities. He says: “There are few indications that public bodies in this country are doing anything at all to make hand-washing even possible in what are miscalled public lavatories.”

While another points the finger at British Railways lavatories for helping to spread the virus, both on the trains and in the stations.

5. “I find it a matter of serious public concern,” writes Mr John A. Turner under the heading, Closed at Night, “that a person anxious to attend to the calls of nature, but equally desirous to catch the last tube from Tottenham Court Road to the suburbs, discovers to his frustration that the Underground convenience is padlocked, and his only recourse to relief lies in the Soho backstreets.” We know you’re a rube, Mr Turner, but didn’t anyone ever tell you about the Tottenham Court Road gents? Believe us, whoever locked them was doing you a favour.

With admirable restraint (“the acute staffing position”), the chairman of the general services committee of Westminster City Council writes back with the locations of 24/7 public lavatories in Central London.

6.  In 1981, Miss Susan Corbett celebrates the recent introduction of the warm-air hand drier to UK lavatories as a convenient way to dry one’s socks when coming in from the rain.

7. In 1874, the Medical Offer of Royal Victoria Patriotic Asylum for Girls wrote in to clarify an obituary for one of its doctors. Apparently, the girls were inadvertently infecting each other because of faulty plumbing linking the drinking and bathing water in one of the lavatories. During a post mortem examination of an infected girl, Dr Anstie cut his finger and “imbibed the poison which so unhappily proved fatal”.

8. A Lieutenant-Colonel recalls the unsanitary conditions on board HMS Malabar in 1889. There were three to a bed, cockroaches everywhere, animals being slaughtered  on deck and “the lavatory and washing facilities were so inadequate that the men were covered with vermin”.

9. Be careful the next time someone tells you there’s dirt on your jacket and suggests you repair to the gents to wash it off. This retired colonel went to the lavatory, hung up his jacket on a peg and his pocketbook was promptly stolen.

The same thing happened, not once, but twice to Mr W. W. A. Elkin.

But clever Mr Mead foiled the lavatory pickpockets, who struck while he was visiting the Natural History Museum.

10. A “Spiritual Festival”, in Pilton, Somerset, lived up to the statement in its brochure that “man is fast ruining his environment,” according to the  Chairman of Somerset County Council Health Committee, who wrote to point out that the “superior facilities” promised by the organisers turned out to be nothing more than “scaffolding poles suspended over poorly-screened 6ft deep trenches”.

Comments

[Tracey O´Brien]

On missing the boat from Tangiers to take me back to Spain I was forced to stay in a hostel near the port until the next boat left in the morning. Before going to bed I decided to pay a visit to the toilet which was just down the corridor. To my horror, when I opened the door I was greeted by no less than 100 poos all standing to attention from people who had apparantly "missed" the hole. The toilet was a kind of room with a wooden floor with a small hole for depositing your waste. I decided to go back to my room, hoist myself up onto the sink and do a pee in the sink rather than suffering the terrible fate of trying to dodge all these little "land mines"

[KPM]

get to the bottom of it

[David]

I do get the impression that Americans regard cleaning toilets as a job for somebody else as many of their toilets are absolutely dreadful. As to lighting in toilets it is ESSENTIAL. Whilst electricity does cost money, low energy light bulbs and PIR operated lamps are available nowadays so it should not be necessary to have to defecate in darkness.

[Martin]

One very unpleasant story about a famous folk festival that takes place in Viljandi, Estonia every July for four days... Public lavatories are being transported and are mainly made of plastic. Therefore easy to knock over... That's what couple of yobs decided to do past midnight when everyone was a bit drunk, unfortunate for the guy inside the cubicle, as it pushed over - door facing the ground... and The poor guy stayed there for mo more than 2 hours...!!! Sorryyyyy :)

[Josephine Campbell]

I am a citizen of the United States and travel widely and although I never believed I would enter a discusion on public toilets here I am adding my two cents worth. I have found that in Canada, malls, movies and restaurants the cleansliness in all is superb. Best in the world and I place Britain among the filthiest and most neglected. I too can say that I have experienced the Warszawa (Warsaw) system and agree with those who stated its efficiency. My own country has much to learn from Canada.

[old.frt]

Recently spent 4 weeks traveling and touring in Turkey and 10 days in Mexico.

Everywhere in Turkey: Istanbul, major cities in the western interior, by rail to Ankara, Black Sea, Aegean coast, Mosques, National parks and monuments, highway facilities ("Greyhound stops"), where-ever we went (pun intended), we (a retired couple) found the facilities were OK or better.--clean, though worn, without smells. Both European and Asian toilets were usually available. Waste paper was always disposed of in a receptacle. The best toilets were at tourist grade hotels, chain establishments ("e.g., Starbucks") and more than adequate all the way down to the public loos of Istanbul. Many of the toilets we experienced, especially on auto routes were pay-to-use (less than 1 YTL). All the toilets in 29 days were more than acceptable.

The tourist toilets of Mazatlan, Sinaloa, and Tepic, Nayarit, were always clean. I cannot say for railroads, since Mexico no longer provides passenger rail services, but intercity buses have working facilities on board. Stops along the route were generally without problems, but these were always pay toilets--two pesos at the most.

Our experiences have led us to accept that the pay-to-use model works best, especially if there is an attendant.

[Jerry Tool]

I find that the most inconvenient feature of a modern lavatory lies in the length of the bowl/seat. Many gents, particularly those who are of a larger build/body will often find it's unsanitary as ones' genitals may often make contact with the bowl rim and seat rim. Disgusting as it is, Americans have remedied the problem by introducing "elongated lavatories" whereas they are deemed illegal in countries like Australia for reasons unknown, I find them more sanitary as it helps prevent the spread of various diseases carried on a males private parts such as herpes.

[John Thomas]

Graham , your rePEEting yourself.

[graham edlin]

sadlers wells has greater female than male provision ,but ladies go commando!

[graham edlin]

sadlers wells has greater female than male provision ,but ladies go commando!

[graham edlin]

sadlers wells has greater female than male provision ,but ladies go commando!

[graham edlin]

sadlers wells has greater female than male provision ,but ladies go commando!

[Julia]

As well as often having fiddly clothing layers such as tighs to contend with, plus the hunt for the elusive end of the toilet paper, woman also sometimes need to change sanitary protection - so many reasons why they take longer, and many reasons why more space should be allocated to women's toilets than men's.

[FRANGLAIS]

Talking of chemical lavs on board trains, this has become the prevailing odour that has replaced the romantic smells of steam and diesel to characterise 21C railway travel. From the odours floating over the platform at the departure terminal, whether Victoria or Euston, to the prevailing chemical pong that wafts through each carriage housing the revolving door type of loo famed for giving fellow travellers an unexpected flash when the door has not been secured by a user defeated by the illustrated instructions within.

The Chatanooga choo-choo or yore has today become the National Rail poo-poo.

[FRANGLAIS]

Eurostar has finally come clean - after much cajoling from me re my foul experiences (reported above on Nov 14).

Today, a month after I complained, the Customer Care person mailed to give me the explanation offered for overflowing WC bowls by her colleague, the "Head of Onboard Comfort": "The main reason for the toilets overflowing are the type of items thrown in the toilets by our Travellers. Only our paper is biodegradable. Unlike other Train Operators we have a container and the items can block the pipes. When this happens we can only close the toilets as the Train needs to go back to the depot in order that we can repair the container."

Neither Ms Care nor Ms Comfort actually offered an apology. It's clear they blame the great British traveller. Or could it be the Froggy?

[JJ]

Recent research showed that women do take longer than men to go to the toilet, and that's not surprising - simply unzipping and standing at a urinal is inevitably quicker than pulling your things down, sitting down, pulling them up again and getting them straight - not to mention possibly having to clean the seat upon arriving in the cubicle.

And if women's toilets have the same floor area, the number of toilets is going to be less than the number of toilets + urinals in the mens.

So it's not about women being too slow. The practicalities of the situation are biased against them, and that's why they often have to queue.

As a man, though, I don't relish the thought of women marching into the men's, as one reader recommends - please don't!

[Anne Lee]

I live in France and it frequently seems that in this country they have not discovered a fascinating modern invention vis: the loo seat, balancing over the cold chilly porcelain at a major roadway stop on the way to ferry makes me long for the relative civilisation of the British Isles!

[M. M. de La Pierre-Chemin]

Women are now uploading telephone camera pics of their "friends" pissing in all sorts of compromising positions. Most of them are wasted from lager; all are laughing uproariously and there are no queues for the facilities, usually a car park.
It is much the same, at weekends, in the lanes around popular pubs in Dublin, Ireland, especially if there is a big event on TV.

[M. M. de La Pierre-Chemin]

Women are now uploading telephone camera pics of their "friends" pissing in all sorts of compromising positions. Most of them are wasted from lager; all are laughing uproariously and there are no queues for the facilities, usually a car park.
It is much the same, at weekends, in the lanes around popular pubs in Dublin, Ireland, especially if there is a big event on TV.

[Patricianuk]

I live in Doncaster where there are no public toilets except in the Transport Interchange after about 5.30pm and the only decent ones around the town are in the market area - Tues/Fri/Sat only, 20p per visit. The Interchange loos are super sized, super clean & free & the best anywhere - but over a half mile from the Colonnades & Waterdale Centres which have none at all! Sheffield Rail station concourse toilets are quite new and the cubicles are too small to accomodate the loo pan, the toilet roll holder and the obligatory bin, let alone a customer with hand bag let alone hand luggage and suitcases have to be left outside, they are unattended, frequently dirty and not working.
Scarborough has toilets but the clean ones cost 40p per visit - even if you are only taking a kiddy in! - Imagine the cost in toilet visits alone for a family of 4 on holiday for a fortnight - oh, yes, the charge applies to chaps too - how about that, 40p to stand and pee! My other worry is how many places I visit where they have remover the RADAR access to toilets so essential to so many people.

[Sarah Jumel]

Ha! You should go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. There is even a song about it, on the Wild Linoleum album.
Here are the lyrics for all public toilet fans-

Ain't no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day

Ain't no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day

No matter what you say
No matter what you pay
Ain't no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day

-----
Can't pee till you get home on Mardi Gras Day

Can't pee till you get home on Mardi Gras Day

Don't matter if you stay
10,000 miles away
Can't pee till you get home on Mardi Gras Day

-----
You could cough and you could wheeze
You could burp and you could sneeze
You could wipe your nose right on your sleeve

Can I pee on Mardi Gras Day?...........NO WAY!

-----
Can't pee in a taxi, that ain't nice
Ok, just this once, no more than twice

But if you leave a stain
Don't have to be ashamed
How you think them yellow cabs done got their name?

-----
trombone solo
-----
Rich folks get to pee on Mardi Gras Day

Only Rich folks get to pee on Mardi Gras Day

They up there on their balconies
They pee all over you and me
Rich folks get to pee on Mardi Gras Day

----
I said there ain't no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day

Ain't no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day

Ain't no stall when nature call
Gotta go in front of God and all
Cause ain't no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day.

I gotta go, baby! I gotta go real bad!

[Mr. Bill Crapper]

This section should really be renamed to be called "The Archive Bog"

[Hairy Herry]

The most disgusting loo story this American can provide occured in the 1980's in central Arkansas at a national forest restroom. A man who shat suffered a brown recluse spider bite to his crown jewels. For the uninitiated, this small, clumsy, and rather reclusive pest is native to the southern US and its venom effectively liquifies flesh, especially skin. He was admitted. The hospital nearest where this occured was ill prepared so he had to go the extra mileage to Little Rock. I can't say if he sings soprano today.

[David Ashton]

Some years ago I was waiting for a ferry to the Isle of Skye in Scotland and had to pay 10p for using a loo there. It was spotless. Pay-to-go is the way to go. It's a bugger if you don't have the 10p though.....

[David Ashton]

Some years ago I was waiting for a ferry to the Isle of Skye in Scotland and had to pay 10p for using a loo there. It was spotless. Pay-to-go is the way to go. It's a bugger if you don't have the 10p though.....

[Reveller]

I'm sorry to say the 6-foot ditch loos (over which hangs a wooden plank with a number of circular holes cut out to sit on) at Glasto still exist, though are far more pleasant than the unimaginable horrors and stench of the Portaloos!

[Deluge Observer]

The gams need "go" more often than the gents because their bladders are anatomically smaller, and hold less volume.

[Jackie Gordon]

Women spend much longer in the public loos than necessary because of the difficulty in getting access to the toilet paper. Often these are on huge rolls that never seem to have an end, and one has to spend ages picking at the roll to start the thing moving and then it will only release one measely little square. Do men always use toilet paper?

[Tom Nicholls]

The 'spiritual' festival at Pilton in your tenth item, was actually the second Glastonbury Fayre. Stinky toilets at Glasto?! Nothing changes...

[Kindns]

LOL.....last year while traveling in India, I took an overnight train. The bathroom, though fitted with a western style toilet had the usual "roll-up-yer-pantlegs" floor and stench I have become accustomed to.....but the noise of the tracks DID seem a bit loud.

My morning visit to the same bathroom revealed NO PLUMBING....lol....the tracks rushing by, clearly visible under the toilet.

[sue butcher]

A couple of years ago, my friend was quietly sitting on the loo,when she heard the distinct sound of water splashing and on investigation saw the BIGGEST Cane Toad she had ever seen trying to extrigate itself from the s-bend. Apart from screaming like a mad woman, she FLUSHED the loo.For a long time after we just'hovered' as quickly as possible knowing that it could reappear at any time! Then we moved house!

[Alex]

Switzerland has by far the best facilities overall, even the trains!

In Poland, some cities have a new idea for pay lavatories... You can get in to the stall free, but you cannot get out without paying!

One guy was pleading for a Zloty when we were leaving with his hand under the door. We gave him a Turkish banknote. All I can say that he wasn't very happy.

Perhaps, he is still there!

[Dr O T Tang]

Closer to home, has anyone sat next to the toilet in a Virgin West Coast Line (Manchester to London)?

I suspect new trains are not allowed to discharge toilet contents on to the line, and use a chemical agent to deal with it. Perhaps the train engineering has not quite caught up with the new hygiene laws!!

[Dr O T Tang]

Closer to home, has anyone sat next to the toilet in a Virgin West Coast Line (Manchester to London)?

I suspect new trains are not allowed to discharge toilet contents on to the line, and use a chemical agent to deal with it. Perhaps the train engineering has not quite caught up with the new hygiene laws!!

[Sue S]

A couple years ago, on a trip across Europe, a fellow traveller bought postcards of all the sights & just took photographs of all the attendants at public lavatories! Can you imagine an after supper "Would you like to see my holiday snaps" scenario?

[Emilka]

Our paper, The Toronto Star, recently published a series of articles on the disgusting condition of the lavatories on our tube system. They didn't mention the condition of the lavs at Mississauga Transit's main terminal: Their putrid miasma seeps up from the first level to the second, and walking down the staircase from the bus platform is an eyewatering plunge into a septic tank.

[snags]

In Finland, in general women have better facilities than the men and have much more room and cubicles than in England. As most of the men consider the rest of the world as there urinal they so see little need to frequent the little boys room. However in general the public toilets are cleaner and safe. I guess hotel rooms are cheap and staff regularly check and clean the toilets......that’s one idea for the brits is to design public toilets that are so easy to clean that in general it could be done with a hose........!!!! then cleaning them would require little effort. Also don’t put locks on the doors……really who would want to watch someone else dropping the kids of at the swimming pool?

[David Mills]

Try going to the loo in Spain in the 21st Century!
There are few if any public conveniences and certainly none on the Costa Blanca.
Anyone needing to 'go' has to enter a bar or restaurante where clientes have to jostle with 'outsiders' for the priviledge of relief.
The absence of an effective H&S organisation means your experience often mirrors that of the Victorians above.
Resident of Altea, Alicante, Spain

[DashDot]

Interesting to note the subsequent fate of the site described above (item 3) as being overwhelmed by "sewerage" from tens of thousands of visitors. Today it is occupied by the BBC Television Centre, who presumably don't have to dig too deep for some of their programme ideas.

[M. STANISTREET]

Holland has introduced communal facilities, which they say work very well & there is no waiting time; no drugs; no "cottaging";1st come; 1st gets it done.
Beijing put loofs on the commural lavs for the Blits, to provide privycy?

[M. STANISTREET]

Holland has introduced communal facilities, which they say work very well & there is no waiting time; no drugs; no "cottaging";1st come; 1st gets it done.
Beijing put loofs on the commural lavs for the Blits, to provide privycy?

[anthony]

I work in a bar, 4 bathrooms for men, 4 for women (no not one with 4 stalls, 4 separate washrooms each with a toilet and sink NO urinals). A line up always at the women s but never at the mens. Same number of facilities but why no line up.

With exact same numbers of facilities, either women are slower, more women go to the bathroom than men or ????

[Janet]

To Alicia and all those women who haven't discovered p-mates yet- yes you too can pee standing in a back alley -or wherever if you want to. But the real issue is the awful queueing women seem to accept as the norm in public places. We need double the number of toilets that are provided for males, (and that includes the urinals.) The area of the women's floorspace needs to be larger to accomodate the extra cubicles too. The men's urinals take up less space, but the men's and women's toilets are usually a similar size. Why can't anyone see this is part of the of the problem?

[eleanor whalen]

How about the "bomb holes" that we went to in Verona, Italy. My grandaughter was 8 years old and it was for men and women with no drapes just a big open room with all these holes in the floor. The Italian men were very polite and they all stayed outside to allow my two grandaughters have some privacy. I was very impressed that all the men respected little girls, 8 and 12 years old. Thank-you to the Italian men for being so kind.
Eleanor, Jacksonvill, FL, USA

[alicia]

It's alright for you men- you can find yourselves a dark alley. What about the women- we can't pee standing up, where are the dark alleys for us?!!

[John Freshwater]

The description of public toilets in Warsaw, ( where one pays a custodian ),reminded me of a visit to a similar arrangement in a park in Gothenberg. Not noticing the pay - window I entered the cubicle and had just made myself 'comfortable' when the lock-less door burst open and a very robust and formidable lady with outstretched arm and open hand rushed at me shouting furiously in, ( to me ), incomprehensible Swedish.
It took some time to realise that I was being accused of trying to avoid payment . Having located the necessary coins I was left alone to reflect on how effective the whole incident had been in securing my relief.

[ppoo]

at crowded events with equal numbers of gents and ladies tiolets, I am one of those brazen women who turns my head away from the urinals as I power walk to the gents cubicles. Come on ladies learn to power walk with your head turned.

PS it is helpful if you can send a friendly male inside, in advance so you know where to walk to!

[Harry Thompson-Jones]

On a recent visit to Warsaw I found that public toilets, and those in hotels and bars, were guarded by a custodian who would expect a few coins to be placed in the bowl before them. I was even offered change on one occasion. This ensured that the toilets were not abused or vandalised, and were generally impressively clean. Perhaps we should follow this example in the UK.

bullshit!

[James McShute]

What a load of crap!