Battle of the titans: Bibendum vs. Pac-Man! The star-spangled bloater hits Tokyo...

Roll up for the GREATEST EATING CONTEST EVER!

Forget that skinny Japanese chap who eats all the hot dogs. This is the fight we've been waiting for. The chill blast of November will, it seems, be immeasurably cosier this year courtesy of Michelin, the French grub guide that has been telling us which nosheries "vaut le detour" and which "vaut le visite" for the last 107 years. Nihon e yokoso, you lovably obese Gallic bon viveur...

Finally, after more or less every world city of any size and importance has been given the Michelin treatment, the guide is coming to Tokyo and will (at last) tell us where to hang our nosebags in great style and quality.

Words can't truly describe how much I've been looking forward to the arrival of Michelin in Japan - not because I have felt the need for a good food guide (I have always done just fine by simply asking Teal'c and Smitty of Blackrock) but because I've often wondered in my childish way about which glutton would win in a one-on-one eating showdown between the Michelin Man (Bibendum, henceforth "Benders") and Japan's own remorseless eating machine, Pac-Man (henceforth "Packers").

As I imagine the fight, it goes something like this: Benders limbers-up to the table first and without even stooping to shake hands with Packers, shovels three dozen oysters into his vast Gallic trap before reaching for an entire Mortadella garlic sausage which he proceeds to swallow whole. Packers, unfazed by this bit of Parisien showmanship, responds by walking very decisively around the room (only ever turning at right-angles) and quickly gobbles-down some cherries, a pear, a bunch of bananas and a melon.

But Benders hasn't even got the dust out of his mouth yet. Momentarily sniffing the bouquet of a pointed little Cotes de Luberon, he empties an entire barrel of it into his gullet, belches and thrusts his head neck-deep into a cauldron of Boeuf en Daube. Packers snarls and arranges 15,000 tangerines in a long line across the room. Flipping open his head, he tears along the line, guzzling each tangerine in a single bite as if pursued by ghosts.

Benders, now slightly the worse for wear after a third barrel of Pic St. Loup  and six wheels of brie, lurches towards a trellis table groaning under the weight of 12,000 chocolate eclairs. Hurling them into his sticky maw with alternate blows of the left and right hands, he reaches his 4,015th eclair before having to have a little rest. Packers, meanwhile, is panting slightly as he turns 90 degrees to the left and begins gorging on a bunch of grapes the size of his entire body.

With a mighty roar, Benders sits on a chair which immediately splinters into matchwood. He staggers to his feet and, with a triumphant glare at Packers, pops the cork off a dusty bottle of 1975 Fonseca vintage port and drains it in seconds.

Packers, his body ravaged by the excesses of fruit, has one last trick in store. Reaching into his pocket, he produces a grapefruit that appears to be glowing slightly. With a final "Banzai" he downs the grapefruit. Benders chuckles a deep, rubbery laugh, but the smile fades from his French countenance as he sees his bulbous white body turning blue. Unhinging his head for the final push, Packers advances on Benders and, empowered by the grapefruit, swallows his rival whole. "Nihon e yokoso, Frenchie", growls Packers, picking his teeth with Benders' pince-nez.

COMPETITION TIME FOR BROKERS*! BE THE BEST...IMPRESS THE WORLD WITH YOUR RESTAURANT KNOWLEDGE

What all this nonsense has been leading-up to is as follows: Let's assume that Michelin decides that Japan's capital city has two "Three Star" restaurants, two "Two Star" restaurants and six "One Star" restaurants when the Tokyo Michelin guide is published in November. I am now, officially, opening-up the wagering on the names of the 10 restaurants that figure in the list of the Michelin starred - an honourable mention will be given to the brokerage house (*law firm/head-hunter/accountancy firm/bank/embassy staff also included) of the winner, and a boozy night on the tiles for the individual who sent in the winning answer.

Rules are simple. Just post on this blog your list of what you think the top 5 restaurants in Tokyo will be when the Michelin Tokyo Guide is published, and when it is, we will see which entry scored the highest "star count" of Michelin stars. Roll Up!

Comments

[Mattia]

MATTIA CIANCALEONI, NIKKO CITIGROUP
my top picks are 1)gonpachi 2)elio 3)carmine 4)zest 5)ju-ju 6)american club 7)zakuro 8)azabu haus 9)ippu-dou 10)umaya

[Aragoto]

Good bloody god. Gonpachi?

If the reviewers are gaijin, I suspect they'll award many of the stars to Pierre Gagnaire, Robuchon and the other foreign affiliates, plus a few local crowd-pleasers. Recall the Grauniad's world restaurant ranking, in which if memory serves they without irony awarded top Japanese restaurant to Nobu in NY.

If they've thought to hire Japanese reviewers, the lineup will be completely different. If I were going to stick to the beaten track: Waketokuyama's main Minami-Azabu branch, Aoyagi, Kikunoi in Akasaka, Shisen Hanten, Ryuutenmon at the Westin, Kawamura in Ginza, Kyubei, and Robuchon's upstairs room are places I'd hope to see in there somewhere if they have any sense...

[Gyoza]

Hey, what about the rest of Japan, we also have fine dining. My vote is for Min Min gyoza in Utsunomiya.

[dodge]

Kitcho & Kyubei are giants -- these two establishments despte a fundemental reliance on seasonal ingredients (they tend to be great between nov and feb) are spectacular at any time of year
have to be candidates for the guide -- beyond that am somewhat reticent to name other favourites asI want to keep them quiet - so will stop at
1. kitcho
2. kubei (ginza)
3. chez ino
4. okamoto -- tempura --ws spectacular ^ but just changed hands - so we shall see how new owner shapes up .........................

come on gonpachi has good atmosphere and reliable food. elio also has great atmosphere and food that never lets you down. best restaurant should not necessarily mean most expensive or should it?