In bad taste: John McCain's ten worst jokes

To his supporters, a ribald wit with a healthy disrespect for political correctness; to his critics, a reckless foul-mouth - John McCain has often attracted attention for cracking jokes that might politely be described as “offbeat”.

Today, liberal tempers flared once again after the Republican nominee quipped that Guantanamo was “one of the nicest places in the world to live in” during a Q&A at the Aspen Institute (see the video below). So on the occasion of this latest demonstration of his legendary humour, we’ve compiled a list of McCain's ten worst “jokes”.

1.  The rape joke.  During his 1986 Senate campaign, he told the following joke in front of a number of journalists: “Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, 'Where is that marvelous ape?'"

2.  The “Bomb Iran” song. Earlier in his presidential campaign, McCain was asked by a participant at a town hall meeting when the US “should send an air mail message to Tehran”. He replied: “Do you know that old Beach Boys song, Bomb Iran?” before proceeding to sing “Bomb bomb bomb” to the tune of the hit Barbara-Ann

3.  The one about killing Iranians. In July, McCain was asked by reporters on the campaign trail about data showing a ten-fold increase in US exports to Iran during Bush’s presidency, with a particular rise in tobacco exports. “Maybe that’s a way of killing them,” he replied, chuckling awhile before adding: “I meant that as a joke.” Iran, understandably, was not so amused.

4.  The Chelsea Clinton joke. At a Senate Republican fundraiser in 1998, when Chelsea was just 18, he took aim at both her appearance and that of the then attorney-general . "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?" he asked guests. "Because her father is Janet Reno."

5.  The one about waterboarding.  Despite previously condemning primary rival Rudy Giuliani for comparing the race to torture, McCain made a similar reference at a press conference with Florida governor Charlie Crist in January this year. When Crist was asked by reporters whether McCain had pressured him for his endorsement, McCain, a torture victim himself, interjected: "It was just waterboarding."

6.  The other ones about waterboarding. About a month later, McCain made a very similar joke reported in the New York Times. With his presidential hopes apparently fading, a number of his staff had deserted the campaign, only to return when McCain resurrected his bid with a New Hampshire victory.  There was, he jibed "a short period of waterboarding to find out what they did in their absence."

7.  The Fidel joke. In February amid reports of Castro’s failing health, McCain told a town hall in Indiana, "I hope he has the opportunity to meet Karl Marx very soon."

8.  The Alzheimers jibe. Shortly after President Reagan had been diagnosed with the degenerative illness, McCain made the following joke at a Republican fundraiser. “ Do you know the best thing about having Alzheimer's?” he asked.  “You get to hide your own Easter eggs.”

9.  The IED joke. When appearing on the admittedly satirical (and liberal-leaning) programme The Daily Show earlier this year, McCain joked that he'd brought host John Stewart an improvised explosive device as a gift from Iraq. The jibe drew criticism from relatives of US soldiers, over 1,700 of whom have been killed by IEDs.

10. The one about the French. In an interview with Fox News, McCain aimed at America’s allies in Afghanistan. "You know," he began, "the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who is still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."

But despite his penchant for a little not-so-gentle ribbing, McCain doesn't cope very well on the receiving end. During his 1992 Senate campaign, a little inter-spousal teasing got out of control when, in front of aides and three reporters, his wife Cindy playfully twirled his hair and noted that he was thinning a little on top. His reply? "At least I don't plaster make-up on like a trollop, you c**t."

Comments

[Patrick]

The man is obviously a comic genius. "At least I don't plaster make-up on like a trollop, you c**t.", who writes that stuff.

[will]

lol, i like him even more!

Ha ha, some of those were acctually quite funny. Who likes a stiff and unlike-able leader over one who shows some humanity?

[Luise of the Phoenix]

Wheew! No one whould ever give McCain an "Outstanding Gentleman of the Year" award. People who joke about rape, Alzheimer's Disease and bombing sovereign nations have no business running our country.

Looks like his old sailor's mouth is alive and well, as shown by his snarky insults to Mrs. McCain.

Obama has managed to remain calm and in control in spite of all the garbage the GOP was been tossing at him.

Whatever happened to good old-fashioned self-deprecating truly witty humor, instead of going for the nasty bottom-feeder comments?

[richard dow]

That one to his wife is the real person not the public persona, lets hope if he ever has to negotiate over say an invasion of a possible ally its done a bit more calmly

[Malkatraz]

“ Do you know the best thing about having Alzheimer's?” he asked. “You get to hide your own Easter eggs.”

I'd have laughed.

[treehugger]

His humor is torture and reveals a lot of negativity!

[NC]

He sounds like fun.

[Hurler]

The country elected an alcoholic with clear signs of dementia in GWB, so why not a man whose PTSD reveals itself in vile humour and vanity?

[Martin Baldwin-Edwards]

My God! I did not think it was possible to get a worse US president than the incumbent, but I am beginning to think again... There can be few people less suitable for the presidency: please, America, try to think a little before election time.

[affi USA!!!]

This man is a bufoon. He definately should not be calling Chelsea Clinton ugly. That is just disrespectful!!! I though he was old enough to learn some manners already!!

I am 18 and have more manners than him!!!

[Robert L. Mayo]

A President who is a real human being? How horrible!

Thank god Teddy Roosevelt never liked to fight, John Quincy Adams didn't skinny dip in the Potomac, and Eisenhower didn't have his general's stars embroidered on all his pajamas (he really did).

Call me crazy, but I think being able to make a joke like a normal person isn't such a bad thing.

[JOHN CHUCKMAN, TORONTO]

Thanks for this.

I had read a few of these in the past, but the collection is so substantial it says something powerful and unpleasant about John McCain.

The sense they convey is very much along the lines of Bush's past efforts at jokes.

As the time Bush made some twisted comment to reporters about the woman he refused to stay from her execution in Texas despite her pleas as a converted Christian.

Or Bush's comment to reporters in Chicago not long after 9/11 when he "joked" about having "won the trifecta" with his new-found popularity.

Or the story from an acquaintance of his youth about his favorite stunt, repeated many times over, of shoving lit firecrackers into the mouths of captured frogs and watching them blow up.

I think there is unquestionably some degree of psychopathy revealed by people who find this kind of stuff funny.

[anonymous]

i liked his one where he was asked a baited question and replied "yeah and i stopped beating my wife last month too"

[gbj11]

I love it. McCain already had my vote, but this just reminds me why I was for him in the first place.

[Ben Fuller]

Although a couple of these cracks clearly cross the line of good taste, it is nonetheless refreshing to hear a professional politician who doesn't look and sound like a politically correct robot programmed by committee. I'll take McCain and his human flaws any day over a guy who rarely offends anyone and hardly ever makes a misstep -- all very nice but what is he really like?

[Ockraz]

Gee, I'm awfully glad that you Brits are getting good coverage of our presidential elections. Let's see, the Times covers McCain's offensive jokes and the BBC did a story about the cool songs on Obama's iPod. It's inconsequential fluff but with a tangy dash of bias. Way to go!

[joel]

Simply amazing!

[MB]

You know what the worst joke is?

His presidential run.

[Nick]

Why is it some people can't get a sense of humor?

[David Chorley]

and he also beat up a Sandinista... I wish I had...

so he's a lot like Teddy Roosevelt and nothing like Jimmy Carter...
Obama is Carterlite

[delia]

what to say! this man should have been groomed long ago.... sorry I meant dropped .

[karela]

For too many reasons to list, I pray deeply that John McCain will not become the next president of our country.

[Dwayne Otis]

Hawwww Hawww..Dangit, if I were not a criminally convicted man I would vote for him!

[David in Australia]

The possible next president of the US and next best friend of the UK and Australia called 18y/o Chelsey Clinton "ugly" and calls his own wife a "C**T in public?

Can anyone else verify this?